"I'm Not Allowed To..."

19 Jun 2012

Quote by Shylass
I'm seriously trying to understand. I've read what I am able to in this part of the forum, just to try and gain some understanding of this lifestyle/culture/preference (sorry, I'm not sure what I'm meant to call it).

What I am wondering about is, where I see on profiles things like, "I can't talk to other people unless my master says I can..." and "I only chat to my mistress because it's the rules..." etc.

Is it simply the nature of this site, that masters and mistresses don't want their subs to communicate with others? Like, they are afraid of them sharing some naughty things with them? So they aren't allowed to use it as a social thing? Is it that they want complete control over who they may and may not speak with because they want to keep them to themselves? Does this spill over into Real Life too? Can people not meet up with others and stuff?

I really don't understand. I love Lush because I can interact with people. Why take away part of the experience? What do you both gain from Lush if it is not to interact with people, or is it purely to interact with each other? Does it make a difference if you have an online relationship as opposed to a real-life-see-each-other relationship?

Thank you for any responses you can give that help me understand.

It's not that a Master or Mistress doesn't want their sub to communicate with others or that they are afraid of them sharing some naughty things with others....it's the fact that their subs are inferior to them...and them may address any rules that they feel is necessary.

In my case....i am inferior to my Master....he is superior to me. One of his rules is that i am not allowed to speak to other males unless i have his permission. He does this to keep me in line. To remind me everyday where my place is. I am his...and ONLY his....and yes this does spill into real life too....but that is another thing.

And to be completely honest.....you personally won't COMPLETELY understand why these rules are established until you become a Master/Mistress....or sub yourself smile

19 Jun 2012

Quote by WetPussy54

It's not that a Master or Mistress doesn't want their sub to communicate with others or that they are afraid of them sharing some naughty things with others....it's the fact that their subs are inferior to them...and them may address any rules that they feel is necessary.

In my case....i am inferior to my Master....he is superior to me. One of his rules is that i am not allowed to speak to other males unless i have his permission. He does this to keep me in line. To remind me everyday where my place is. I am his...and ONLY his....and yes this does spill into real life too....but that is another thing.

And to be completely honest.....you personally won't COMPLETELY understand why these rules are established until you become a Master/Mistress....or sub yourself

Okay. I understand your points, and I thank you for responding.

However, unless I fully understand a thing, I do not feel it is safe to enter into a situation, particularly where I make myself vulnerable to another who has power over me. How, then, if I cannot understand, would I be able to be a sub or Mistress? How would I be able able to submit to rules or take control and lay them if I have no real understanding of what it means or requires?

Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***

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19 Jun 2012

That's the thing with submitting or dominating....it's a risk. It has to be a risk your willing to take...to be able to jump into an unknown zone. To be able to trust someone enough to take their hand. This kind of relationship is a bond of trust and so much more. There isn't a way to exactly "understand" it. It's a desire...and if you want it bad enough...u will make that final step to either submit or dominate.

26 Oct 2012

Quote by latinfoxy

Exactly!! what happens then? and also you made me think of another question, what if you are just really in a bad mood, nothing to do with your Dom, you just waked up with a bitchy attitude and hormones are having a play day in your mind. Can you just say i dont feel like doing (insert things your dom says you have to do daily) because im in a bitchy mood?

latinfoxy, let Me share My thoughts on the matter. I will be the first to admit I'm not perfect, but My pet understand that. I have given her the right to speak freely if she needs to. All she has to do is ask "Master may I speak freely?" and then once I give her permission we are husband and wife instead of Master.slave for the conversation. She can then feel free to correct me or explain how she thinks I was wrong. She does call Me an asshole or anything - no two people in a relationship should go to cussing each other out - but she does show Me how I was mistaken or how I screwed up. Once that is done, we go back to our D's roles as usual.

As for the bad mood thing. If I'm in a bad mood - and it does happen - then it's up to Me to control that and not let it get in the way of what I'm doing with her. Part of being a Master is maintaining control. If I can't control Myself, how can I control her? And if I'm in a really foul mood, then I have no business playing with pet. I simply don't scene with her. But she can tell when I'm not in a good mood...and usually just sitting on the couch with her in My arms is enough to bring Me out of it pretty easily.d8xfdzC3hq1YEMPf

6 Jun 2013

I am never allowed to disrespect...never willingly break rules...never to harm myself...I am allowed my friends unless it is someone he knows is not good for me...I understand as I feel for me my Master knows what is best for me.

doing my best to be good..

6 Jun 2013

Quote by Shylass

Okay. I understand your points, and I thank you for responding.

However, unless I fully understand a thing, I do not feel it is safe to enter into a situation, particularly where I make myself vulnerable to another who has power over me. How, then, if I cannot understand, would I be able to be a sub or Mistress? How would I be able able to submit to rules or take control and lay them if I have no real understanding of what it means or requires?

Think of it like swimming.. when most of us learn to swim, we get a little knowledge of how it works... but there is no way to absolutely know you can swim til you jump in. Yes, do research and learn what you can beforehand, but the only way to know what you're capable of is to get your feet wet.

Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.

21 Jul 2014

This is an older post, and I never answered ~

I would like to add a bit from what I understand ~ that in strict BDSM society circles, a sub is NOT allowed to speak first, only allowed to answer directly or redirect to the Master/Dom -OR- ask for permission: and more specifically the person seeking whatever interaction or conversation is to ask the Master/Dom. This is respect and submission. This is to avoid the all too often compromising situations that might look bad or arise. It is "respect." Distrust has nothing to do with it, or levels of trust. You can take it as a game or serious ~however you wish. Things vary, but some basic rules seem to apply.

A person cannot ask to "play" with the sub or try to take the sub away sexually, ask to be their Master or Sub... if the sub is collared/owned then it is not proper to try this and can result in a confrontation with the Master/Dom and being outcast from future gatherings once word spreads, because onformation is passed along so other Doms know to be on their look-out. Behavior outside of such respect is deemed unacceptibl and, intolerable within the inner circles of etiquette, and must be abided by Dom and sub alike. Some subs are not allowed to speak -or at first AT ALL.

On Lush it could be for a number of reasons why a person may have on their profile they cannot talk to certain people or people in general because it is not allowed. I had that on my profile- subs have rules, though some Doms are more lax.... and rules broken have punishment.

There is the individual basis...
but the above is my understanding.

It should always be consensual, and safe... willing and given, not abused or abusive, and with this is a choice at any time.

2 Aug 2014

I am new to the world of BDSM and it has definitely been a learning experience. My Master is very kind and has taught me a lot. One thing he advised me do is ask him questions as to what I wanted from the experience and what his ideas were about the whole thing (this was not new to him). He wanted to discuss what my limits were, what his were, what we liked, and what we didn't. Even though he is my Master, he wants to work with me to make sure I am always comfortable, and he makes sure he only pushes me so far as to not scare me, just out of my comfort zone a little at a time. He wants to make sure I trust him, and I do. Very much so.

This is an excellent list that he actually sent me when I agreed to proceed with this sort of relationship with him:

A Dom/sub, Master/slave, Master/pet, Big/little, or whatever you prefer to call it, is not a relationship to be taken lightly. A sub should be comfortable with her Dom and should be able to talk to him without any problem. (And I say him but it can go either way) It is not a relationship based on having commands screamed at you and forced to do things you do not like. It is a relationship that should be based on trust and it is oh so rewarding. Have fun!!!