Outsiders

30 Mar 2012

If you met someone and fell in-love or had a strong connection but eventually found out that this person is not interested in the BDSM lifestyle whatsoever and don't like it or care to be involved with it, would this be a deal-breaker for a relationship (either long-term or short-term) for those of you involved in BDSM?

In other words - is this so ingrained as part of your sexual identity or interests that you wouldn't be happy or satisfied with someone who wasn't into it or comfortable with it?

And when you do meet someone (as a potential dating-partner or significant other) when do you bring this topic up as something you're involved in? How do you typically broach the subject?

30 Mar 2012

Its like an itch you can't scratch.

My partner isn't even interested in hearing any ideas about it. From the milder to the wilder side of it. Nothing, none, nada...
I'm still struggling with the idea if its a dealbreaker or not.
While the sex is great, it has the potential to be greater (or at least I think so)

I've done everything from asking during sex, to trying to discuss it with him over a drink, to dropping hints (leaving out various accoutrements in plain sight), to putting copies of certain Lush stories on his pillowcase for him to read or in his lunchbox (actually that one was funny... he called me and gave me hell for leaving it in his lunchbox where the rest of the guys could accidently see it... but it was perfectly fine to leave a pair of my panties in there dontknow

)

I don't think I would be totally satisfied, but I may be willing to make the compromise for the right person.
The question is if I'm with the right person, right now... or not.

31 Mar 2012

For me, it's not a deal breaker. While my wife indulges my bdsm tendencies, for her, it's just sort of fun, not a lifestyle, not a way of being. it's enough to keep me satisfied and not enough to make her feel uncomfortable in a role she isn't fully invested in. we sort of found a place in the middle that keeps us both happy. would i prefer she was a true Domme? yes. would she feel comfortable in that role? No. Does she understand that i "need' to be true sub/pet at times? Yes.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.