Okay, so my boyfriend and I have recently expanded our sex lifestyle into that of BDSM, I suppose. He loves when I'm in control, but the problem is that I'm tiny, not very strong and he doesn't have as big a pain tolerance as he thinks he does. I'm just unsure what to do when he asks me to punish him? We have handcuffs and a blindfold. I generally slap him up, and bite him, make him eat me out (which he loves), but I don't know what else to do, especially if I can't throw him around? I need suggestions... or a better imagination. I think I'm just not very confident in my abilities, in which case, how do I become more confident?
Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login
What To Do?
last reply
10 replies
1.6k views
0 watchers
0 likes
Active Ink Slinger
It sounds to me like bondage is probably the most apropos way for you to express your dominance.
I'm a dominant heterosexual male, so this is a bit of a mental stretch for me, but I suggest you try to tie him up and try to control his orgasm. Stimulate him, but order him not to come and keep him on the edge of an orgasm without letting him actually get there for as long as you can. Or get him close, then make him please you before you let him come.
You don't have to play pain games with him to dominate him. And if you can immobilize him, then his physical superiority will be a moot point. And as for confidence, if you are his mistress, then he should (MUST!) do as he's told.
One caution... you mentioned handcuffs. The kind the cops use are actually really bad for BDSM. They are narrow, unyielding (in the sense that they do not conform well to the shape of the limb to which they are attached), and they can spontaneously tighten. You would do much better to get cuffs intended for BDSM. They tend to be leather, wide, and their inner circumference remains fixed when they're locked.
The only exception is when doing police related role playing. Then, authenticity is key, but other than that, they're not good toys.
I'm a dominant heterosexual male, so this is a bit of a mental stretch for me, but I suggest you try to tie him up and try to control his orgasm. Stimulate him, but order him not to come and keep him on the edge of an orgasm without letting him actually get there for as long as you can. Or get him close, then make him please you before you let him come.
You don't have to play pain games with him to dominate him. And if you can immobilize him, then his physical superiority will be a moot point. And as for confidence, if you are his mistress, then he should (MUST!) do as he's told.
One caution... you mentioned handcuffs. The kind the cops use are actually really bad for BDSM. They are narrow, unyielding (in the sense that they do not conform well to the shape of the limb to which they are attached), and they can spontaneously tighten. You would do much better to get cuffs intended for BDSM. They tend to be leather, wide, and their inner circumference remains fixed when they're locked.
The only exception is when doing police related role playing. Then, authenticity is key, but other than that, they're not good toys.
My novel, The Society, is available now in the Kindle Store: http://www.amazon.com/The-Society-ebook/dp/B00BPF9U2I
Just a note about Police hand cuffs...... they only spontaneously tighten if you don't prevent them from doing so. There is a hole in the side of the cuffs that you press the end of the cuff key into (the nub at the end opposite the part you put in the "lock") and this prevents the cuffs from tightening. If people choose to use these "real" cuffs, make sure you don't over-tighten them and ALWAYS lock them in the way I explained.
The rest mentioned.... I agree.
(ADDED: some have a small lever and not a push pin.)
The rest mentioned.... I agree.
(ADDED: some have a small lever and not a push pin.)
Quote by Sensei
It sounds to me like bondage is probably the most apropos way for you to express your dominance.
I'm a dominant heterosexual male, so this is a bit of a mental stretch for me, but I suggest you try to tie him up and try to control his orgasm. Stimulate him, but order him not to come and keep him on the edge of an orgasm without letting him actually get there for as long as you can. Or get him close, then make him please you before you let him come.
You don't have to play pain games with him to dominate him. And if you can immobilize him, then his physical superiority will be a moot point. And as for confidence, if you are his mistress, then he should (MUST!) do as he's told.
One caution... you mentioned handcuffs. The kind the cops use are actually really bad for BDSM. They are narrow, unyielding (in the sense that they do not conform well to the shape of the limb to which they are attached), and they can spontaneously tighten. You would do much better to get cuffs intended for BDSM. They tend to be leather, wide, and their inner circumference remains fixed when they're locked.
The only exception is when doing police related role playing. Then, authenticity is key, but other than that, they're not good toys.
Wow, I didn't even think about that. The kind of cuffs we used are BDSM cuffs. Not to worry. I should get some restraints. It's just too band he doesn't have a bedframe. Thank you for the suggestion. You as well JohnC. Much appreciated.
Active Ink Slinger
riding crop?
Detention Seeker
Have you ever thought to both sit down and discuss things he wants to try?
If you would like bed ties there is an easy solution for you. A company we know offers a set of wrist and ankle ties that require only a mattress and box spring. They are easily adjustable for sizing and use Velcro to set the restraint size as needed. If you need more info, etc pm us as I do not believe in promoting companies/products in the public section.
Cock Connoisseur
Quote by BSlain
Might hurt him, to be honest.
Before you take this further, you both need to sit down and discuss the limits, his limits and yours. Find out what kind of pain if any he is wanting and what you are willing to do and not do as his Mistress.
Communication is key in this lifestyle without it, much damage can be done, both physically and emotionally.
Also, discuss a safe word and make sure he knows to use it if and when things are pushed to far. Without knowing what he wants or needs from your domination you are literally flying blind.
The riding crop or any other implement is designed to elicit a certain reaction or feeling. It may be one he wants to explore and then its your job to test the power and by power I mean how hard or soft in which you use that implement.
I can't stress enough to talk to him and talk some more before moving forward with this.
Good luck to you both
Active Ink Slinger
I will say again - it sounds to me like her original posting suggested that anything involving pain was at the very least a soft limit for this fellow. Given that, I'd like to reiterate that sadism and masochism are parts of BDSM, but they are not a requirement of D/s (which is also part of BDSM). There are all sorts of power exchange games that can be played even if you take pain completely off the table.
I suggested bondage and edging (orgasm control). I'd like to challenge folks to expand on that and suggest other power exchanges that do not involve outright pain.
I suggested bondage and edging (orgasm control). I'd like to challenge folks to expand on that and suggest other power exchanges that do not involve outright pain.
My novel, The Society, is available now in the Kindle Store: http://www.amazon.com/The-Society-ebook/dp/B00BPF9U2I