Project Semi Colon: Lush Style

Quote by Gillianleeeza
The joy of finding the "right" medication. I know when I need to return to meds but does it have to be so hard? Weeks to titrate up to a therapeutic dose and then another week or two to see if it is working or helping at all. Most seem to have untenable, at least to me, side effects. Now on round three of the hunt for something that will work.

I wonder sometimes why I bother at all.

Quote by sprite


wouldn't it be nice to just chuck them all and not have to deal? *hugs* hope you do find something that works for you. right now i'm self medicating ( ) something to consider if you haven't tried it before? just a thought.

Quote by AmeliaLeigh
Seeing so many posts of others sharing I’ve decided I would share as well.

I never had a childhood, what I mean is... at the age of 6 I was molested for the first time. I learned years later after finally telling my aunt about my abuse when I was 17. Because I was tired, I never spoke unless spoken too. I spent my days invisible finding glimpses of joy with a few friends. Anyways There was a family friend who started hurting me when I was 12 and didn’t stop till I told my grandpa. I learned there were investigations when I was younger around that time that I was hurt sooner. Seems my family is split in what really happened. My aunt gave me strength to tell my grandpa what was going on and he sent the man off our property that night and called the cops.

A few months later I lost a family member to cancer, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer... she survived but then my dad had a heart attack and needed surgery. I took care of both of them.

A couple months later my depression was too much

This was my senior year... I had reached my limit and took a handful of pills
I went to school and the nurse noticed something was wrong and I admitted to what I had done.
She called the ambulance and my parents, All I would say was I had cramps because I couldn’t admit what really was going on.

To top it all off the beginning of this school year was 9/11/2001

I grew up way too fast because of abuse and learned that my family suspected for years as a child I was being abused but no one helped.

This also taught me that death isn’t the answer no matter what life throws at me. Two years ago this month I lost my fathers parents. My grandparents were amazing and both died painfully... my grandpa had dementia, after his fall one day he broke his hip on the way to the restroom trying to prove he didn’t need his cane. Two days prior my Nanna told him she had stage 4 liver cancer and it was inoperable. He got staph from his surgery and died painfully a week after his fall while my Nanna was on hospice care at home. Her condition... she went down fast and when she lost grandpa her heart beat the cancer in claiming her life. Her last full sentence was I miss my best friend. Today is the anniversary of her death. I fucking hate August... my depression these last two years have changed me. I’m a different person, I fight to be positive and help others smile. I work with children because it was my dream and I believe if you can inspire a child early on then they can have a positive life.

I guess in my ramble and my attempt to tell my story, I wanted to say that no matter how hard life gets please find something positive no matter how small and hold on.

Quote by NEwaythewindblows
Myself, being a survivor...I can guarantee you one thing. At the very best, self medicating is a very short term solution to an extremely long and complex problem... What works for you one day, takes a lot more of the next, and so on, and so on, and so on. ( get the picture?) I'm begging you,* PLEASE, DON"T WAIT TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!* The longer that you wait the harder that it gets... Although prescription treatments can sometimes be a bit of a bumpy road at first. Due to the complexities of the human mind,( early treatment is kind of a hit or miss deal)... In the end you will be VERY HAPPY that you followed it with through with it... I offer all of you two things that in my darkest hours, has kept my from doing something very rash, #1 Is my faith that there is no heaven, and hell. There is only beyond or BACK HERE!!! (Think about that one!) I believe that if I screw this life up, that I'm just going to have to come back and do it ALL OVER AGAIN! That belief has saved my bacon in many desperate, and irrational times... And, #2 The phrase 'Misery Loves Company' is EXTREMELY PROFOUND!!! In my very darkest and most hopeless moments, I force myself to crawl out of whatever hole that I'm in,( no matter how deep,and bottomless that it is) and FIND A FRIEND!!!* Personal Note* Going to a club may seem like the easiest place to find a friend, it also not the best!!! You will NEVER find a REAL friend in the bottom of a bottle( or even a nice sticky 'J' for that matter)... I hope that by compromising myself like this, that I can reach just one soul in need. If I'm able to, than this will all have been so worth it...Peace, Love, and Understanding, to all of you my friends... Always remember, YOU NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE!!! Warmest Wishes! _D

Quote by AmeliaLeigh
Seeing so many posts of others sharing I’ve decided I would share as well.

I never had a childhood, what I mean is... at the age of 6 I was molested for the first time. I learned years later after finally telling my aunt about my abuse when I was 17. Because I was tired, I never spoke unless spoken too. I spent my days invisible finding glimpses of joy with a few friends. Anyways There was a family friend who started hurting me when I was 12 and didn’t stop till I told my grandpa. I learned there were investigations when I was younger around that time that I was hurt sooner. Seems my family is split in what really happened. My aunt gave me strength to tell my grandpa what was going on and he sent the man off our property that night and called the cops.

A few months later I lost a family member to cancer, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer... she survived but then my dad had a heart attack and needed surgery. I took care of both of them.

A couple months later my depression was too much

This was my senior year... I had reached my limit and took a handful of pills
I went to school and the nurse noticed something was wrong and I admitted to what I had done.
She called the ambulance and my parents, All I would say was I had cramps because I couldn’t admit what really was going on.

To top it all off the beginning of this school year was 9/11/2001

I grew up way too fast because of abuse and learned that my family suspected for years as a child I was being abused but no one helped.

This also taught me that death isn’t the answer no matter what life throws at me. Two years ago this month I lost my fathers parents. My grandparents were amazing and both died painfully... my grandpa had dementia, after his fall one day he broke his hip on the way to the restroom trying to prove he didn’t need his cane. Two days prior my Nanna told him she had stage 4 liver cancer and it was inoperable. He got staph from his surgery and died painfully a week after his fall while my Nanna was on hospice care at home. Her condition... she went down fast and when she lost grandpa her heart beat the cancer in claiming her life. Her last full sentence was I miss my best friend. Today is the anniversary of her death. I fucking hate August... my depression these last two years have changed me. I’m a different person, I fight to be positive and help others smile. I work with children because it was my dream and I believe if you can inspire a child early on then they can have a positive life.

I guess in my ramble and my attempt to tell my story, I wanted to say that no matter how hard life gets please find something positive no matter how small and hold on.

Quote by AmeliaLeigh
Seeing so many posts of others sharing I’ve decided I would share as well.

I never had a childhood, what I mean is... at the age of 6 I was molested for the first time. I learned years later after finally telling my aunt about my abuse when I was 17. Because I was tired, I never spoke unless spoken too. I spent my days invisible finding glimpses of joy with a few friends. Anyways There was a family friend who started hurting me when I was 12 and didn’t stop till I told my grandpa. I learned there were investigations when I was younger around that time that I was hurt sooner. Seems my family is split in what really happened. My aunt gave me strength to tell my grandpa what was going on and he sent the man off our property that night and called the cops.

A few months later I lost a family member to cancer, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer... she survived but then my dad had a heart attack and needed surgery. I took care of both of them.

A couple months later my depression was too much

This was my senior year... I had reached my limit and took a handful of pills
I went to school and the nurse noticed something was wrong and I admitted to what I had done.
She called the ambulance and my parents, All I would say was I had cramps because I couldn’t admit what really was going on.

To top it all off the beginning of this school year was 9/11/2001

I grew up way too fast because of abuse and learned that my family suspected for years as a child I was being abused but no one helped.

This also taught me that death isn’t the answer no matter what life throws at me. Two years ago this month I lost my fathers parents. My grandparents were amazing and both died painfully... my grandpa had dementia, after his fall one day he broke his hip on the way to the restroom trying to prove he didn’t need his cane. Two days prior my Nanna told him she had stage 4 liver cancer and it was inoperable. He got staph from his surgery and died painfully a week after his fall while my Nanna was on hospice care at home. Her condition... she went down fast and when she lost grandpa her heart beat the cancer in claiming her life. Her last full sentence was I miss my best friend. Today is the anniversary of her death. I fucking hate August... my depression these last two years have changed me. I’m a different person, I fight to be positive and help others smile. I work with children because it was my dream and I believe if you can inspire a child early on then they can have a positive life.

I guess in my ramble and my attempt to tell my story, I wanted to say that no matter how hard life gets please find something positive no matter how small and hold on.

Quote by NEwaythewindblows
Myself, being a survivor...I can guarantee you one thing. At the very best, self medicating is a very short term solution to an extremely long and complex problem... What works for you one day, takes a lot more of the next, and so on, and so on, and so on. ( get the picture?) I'm begging you,* PLEASE, DON"T WAIT TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!* The longer that you wait the harder that it gets... Although prescription treatments can sometimes be a bit of a bumpy road at first. Due to the complexities of the human mind,( early treatment is kind of a hit or miss deal)... In the end you will be VERY HAPPY that you followed it with through with it... I offer all of you two things that in my darkest hours, has kept my from doing something very rash, #1 Is my faith that there is no heaven, and hell. There is only beyond or BACK HERE!!! (Think about that one!) I believe that if I screw this life up, that I'm just going to have to come back and do it ALL OVER AGAIN! That belief has saved my bacon in many desperate, and irrational times... And, #2 The phrase 'Misery Loves Company' is EXTREMELY PROFOUND!!! In my very darkest and most hopeless moments, I force myself to crawl out of whatever hole that I'm in,( no matter how deep,and bottomless that it is) and FIND A FRIEND!!!* Personal Note* Going to a club may seem like the easiest place to find a friend, it also not the best!!! You will NEVER find a REAL friend in the bottom of a bottle( or even a nice sticky 'J' for that matter)... I hope that by compromising myself like this, that I can reach just one soul in need. If I'm able to, than this will all have been so worth it...Peace, Love, and Understanding, to all of you my friends... Always remember, YOU NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE!!! Warmest Wishes! _D

Quote by fruit4passion
On this day 7 years ago my life was forever changed, I have become a different person. It was on this day that I almost lost a coworker to a horrific accident. It was a miracle he survived, I'll never forget asking God not to let him die in my arms. It took me years to even talk about the accident. He has since fully recovered, his long hair has grown back to the beautiful dreads he has today. He moved last year with his girlfriend to France, we cried like babies when we said good-bye. He will forever be my soulmate, I miss him so much. I have told him many times that it was he who saved me that day.
I just wanted to share this because for many years it depressed me, knowing that I could of lost him. Now it inspires me, his spirit inspires me. He never asked for pity or complained about his pain, only smiled and tried to make everyone comfortable around him. To me he is my hero.

Quote by sprite


yeah, but you didn't lose him. such a beautiful story.

Quote by etairay



..you thought I had forgotten about you ..big tight hugs from me to you
..stay positive and safe ..keep pushing forward ..bring it in group hug
..thank you for being brave and sharing ❤

Quote by Rosepetals
I was abused in every way as a child, adopted into a horrible family. The woman who adopted me abused me and my sister, in every way.

Not to mention that I was starved, denied food, beaten, and harshly punished for any wrong doing.

It was her controlling me (and hurting me) and my two stepfathers' abuse I had to endure.

Of course I blamed myself for Everything but with clarity and self reflection, I now know that that's not true.

There was serious neglect as well. As a preteen my mom kept getting more physical with her beatings.

I wanted to kill myself at 13. My second stepfather was a monster to me.

I'm not sure sure how I survived everything, but I am a fighter. I've had to be way stronger than I ever wanted to be.

My quality of life has been seriously impacted by this.

Quote by Rosepetals
I was abused in every way as a child, adopted into a horrible family. The woman who adopted me abused me and my sister, in every way.

Not to mention that I was starved, denied food, beaten, and harshly punished for any wrong doing.

It was her controlling me (and hurting me) and my two stepfathers' abuse I had to endure.

Of course I blamed myself for Everything but with clarity and self reflection, I now know that that's not true.

There was serious neglect as well. As a preteen my mom kept getting more physical with her beatings.

I wanted to kill myself at 13. My second stepfather was a monster to me.

I'm not sure sure how I survived everything, but I am a fighter. I've had to be way stronger than I ever wanted to be.

My quality of life has been seriously impacted by this.

Quote by AmeliaLeigh



Sending so much love your way!!! You are a beautiful fighter and I am so happy to know you❤️❤️

Quote by fruit4passion
I am sorry you had to live through that horror. Do you realize how much inner strength you have, you really inspire me, thank you for sharing

Quote by sprite
i've been struggling for a while. Christmas is my favorite time of year. it's also the hardest. there are so many people that are no longer here to share in them. keeping really busy helps. last time i stopped being busy i ended up cutting my wrists. i don't want to do that this year, but the stress is just starting to close in again and i'm feeling lonely and isolated and doing what i always do, keep it all inside and don't let anyone know that things aren't good. so many things going on i don't want to talk about cause i don't want to just dump shit on people, so i smile, and deal and just do my best to get through the quiet times. i can deal with the busy times, it's always the quiet times that mess me up.

anyways, sorry, i just needed to be able to unload, and not on someone who has to shoulder it, but just on anyone who will listen.

thanks, guys. this helps.

xx
rach

Quote by Rosepetals
I'm scared of men in real life. Will I ever stop being scared of men?

It doesn't feel like it.

Quote by Lokis_Sidekick


There are so many stories in this thread that are worthy of quoting It was hard to pick one. I chose this one because it reminded ME of several things:
1. We are all students and teachers to each other.
2. Often the best way to learn is to listen.
3. Often the best way to teach is by example, and for that one needs to BE PRESENT.

I have been and continue to be "a someone" to be present and listen.

Thanks to all who have the courage to share; it helps me realize I'm not alone. A special shout out to Rachel for starting such a beautiful thread.

Feel free to PM me if you need to vent to a stranger. Despite my status, I'm on daily.

Nathan

Quote by fruit4passion
I know that your scared, but the day will come when you will find a real man in your life, and he will help you heal. Their are so many monsters out there but we are not all bad, some of us are genuine. Sending you lots of love and hugs

Quote by etairay



Good morning beautiful reader ..know you are enough, beautiful soul .. tight polar bear hug from me to you ..bring it in group hug ..stay strong and positive ..keep pushing forward ??