Don't blink.
I want to touch you as if time had stopped.
Don't breathe or move.
Don't scream.
It might hurt you when the whip clatch.
Don't sigh nor moan.
The feeling is said to be caught in slow motion
I could never tell.
It felt like we rushed through our emotions
Straight to heaven while searching for hell
Nice one, Cat
Do you find sometimes a poem just pops into your head - or do you sit down and think it out?
That's good, Cat. Did you publish it in the Poetry section? You should.
Whatever your method is Cat, keep using it. It's working. Do you write much poetry?
Ferte in noctem animam meam, Illustre stelle viam meam. Aspectu illo glorior, Dum capit nox diem. Cantate vitae canticu, Sine dolore acte, Dicite eis quos amabam, Numquam obliviscar.
Don't blink.
I want to touch you as if time had stopped.
Don't breath or move.
Don't scream
It might hurt you when the whip clatch
Don't sigh nor moan.
It's said to be cought in slow motion
I could never tell
I felt like we rushed through emotions
straight into hell
You don't scream
Where are your sighs and moans
The whip clatched so hard
You don't blink
I want to feel you breathe and move
When did time stop?
It feels like it's loosing pace...
in a bad way.
and "When did time stop?"
Is such a boring emo sentence to end with.
It can become cliche, but there are a limited number of phrases one could use. But, I think it just seems missplaced, not unusable. I do like your revised version better, but it's like trying to choose between white gold and yellow gold.
Ferte in noctem animam meam, Illustre stelle viam meam. Aspectu illo glorior, Dum capit nox diem. Cantate vitae canticu, Sine dolore acte, Dicite eis quos amabam, Numquam obliviscar.
then I let it rest and erased more than half of it and edited it. (in the bathtub, my new favorite place to write)
