Lush Limericks

An elderly man in Dundee

Said: "These new films mean nothing to me"

"They won't rattle my dentures"

"When they speak of Avengers"

"I'm still thinking of Patrick McNee"

I lay on my back on the bed

Quite comfortable with my legs spread

My fingers danced

I was entranced

To orgasmic pleasures I sped

Every time that he met her on lush

He couldn't help starting to blush

There was an attraction

And he felt a connection

And he knew it was more than a crush

When Kim took off all her clothes

Dr Who went in up to his toes

The thing that was hard is

Disguising the TARDIS

As one of the Kardashian hoes.

Quote by dlcalguy

When Kim took off all her clothes

Dr Who went in up to his toes

The thing that was hard is

Disguising the TARDIS

As one of the Kardashian hoes.

"Her toes" unless you're going back in time...

This news from across The Atlantic

Is momentous and frankly gigantic

The Doc ain't a bloke?

How frightfully woke!

Thanks, Kistin, for being pedantic.

.

That the doctor's not currently a boy

Is a fact to absorb and enjoy

I was not aware

The producers went there

I stopped watching after Sylvester McCoy

Been a while since I saw Dr Who

But I remember watching it too

I know I was a fan

'T was Tom Baker back then

He was weird, but he always pulled through

The Doc roster now reads twelve to one

after it's six long decades of run.

About fucking time

they got off the dime

and let women lead some of the fun.

I once saw, not a James, but Jane Bond

Don't remember her hair, was it blonde?

But she made sure she had fun

With most every man's gun

And she just loved to take them "profond"

"The Avengers" above I see

Starred Mr Patrick Macnee

But Blackman and Rigg

Are the ones that I dig

I'm sure you won't disagree!

Emma Peel I will never forget

And Catharine Gale? That I get

But I did have a thing

For that sweet Tara King

None of them would I chase from my bed

A cock-teasing Lushie name Phoebe

Loved to promise young men a freebie

But they'd cum in their pants

'Neath the heat of her glance

After she tented their shorts in a teepee

Two experienced ladies from Blackpool

Both bragged 'bout the size of their sextool

Number one thought she'd win

And shoved a coke bottle in

But number two simply slid down her barstool

Quote by patokl

Two experienced ladies from Blackpool

Both bragged 'bout the size of their sextool

Number one thought she'd win

And shoved a coke bottle in

But number two simply slid down her barstool

A third girl came in with the news

That both of those slappers would lose.

She said "Just watch me.

I'll win, as you'll see."

And slid Blackpool Tower up her cooze.

I know a cutie named Paige

With whom I would love to engage

But she sits and smiles

Won't fall for my wiles

She's ever so wise for her age.

Took Lynn for a walk on the woods

She was all 'woulds', 'shoulds' and 'coulds'

Yeah, that teasing dame

Talks a good game

But she won't come across with the goods.

I have a friend named Vanessa

And a desperate desire to possess her

But I'm intimidated

By the vibrators she's dated

I'm no match for an e-predecessor.

I also went walking with Lynn

and antics were quick to begin

the gist of our play

suffice it to say

was cap C, cap S Carnal Sin

When Lynn gets together with Kistin

She doesn't waste time by resistin'

She reaches her peak

With a kiss on the cheek

And stays there for hours with a fist in.

Kisten's darkroom's a place of wonder

Photographs countless processed sans blunder

But the red light's on

Inhibitions all gone

Things quickly developed 'down under'!

When she dropped her bikini for Rick

He muttered: "That's looking so slick

That I'll probably slip

If I go for a dip"

But she yelled: "Stop complaining, just lick!"

Kistin's aperture is really quite small

F/64's almost nothing at all

A really tight squeeze

But I have expertise

So any of your doubts just forestall

All this sexy talk's got me entranced

Like the time I got up and danced

With a hootchy-cootch cootcher

Name of Minnie the Moocher

And I wound up leaving de-pants-ed!

Sweet ladies please don't be afraid

Just say no and I won't penetrate

But on your lock I will be

With my tongue as the key

I'll persist till you've flooded the gate

She told me "I think you're a dunce"
"You must know that I prefer cunts."
But then when dear Lynn
Saw me lick my own chin
She said "Oh, alright... just this once."

When I talked about , with a nun

She said: Here's what a gall should do, hun

Lift your skirt with your hands

Let him lower his pants

And then see who knows best how to run

Disclaimer: In spite of this little joke, please never forget that and sexual assault are no jokes. They cause permanent damage, if not physically, then certainly mentally. Perpetrators should IMHO be hanged by their balls.

I've been thinking of Kistin's aperture

Frankly my thoughts are not all pure

A finger of light

Might be just right

An exceptional exposure to secure

If Lynn's looking for closure

And hoping for Kistin's exposure

Plus an aperture wide

To (c)lick somewhere inside

She'll need more than the usual composure

There once was a man, name of C. Lut.

He had a big rod that was uncut.

It would swing to and fro,

And rarely would go,

Anywhere other than my butt.

(I may be old, but I'll never mature.)

C. Lut is a man we should toast

With a chopper about which he'd boast

Many a hole

Has enjoyed C. Lut's pole

But Sandra's bum liked it the most.