Lush Limericks

A man with a prehensile tongue

Loved to wrap around cocks, old or young

He was one of the few

Whose tongue rolled in a U

"They're their cocks, but my bun!"

A gentleman in Maidenhead

Was chasing his wife 'round the bed

'T is relative, she said

You may now be ahead

But if I speed up I chase you in stead

I was hired to do some boudoir

by two woman far above par

They offered to pay

with sexual play

I've billed five days shooting so far

It happened one night, he seduced her

Or so he thought, 'til she produced her

Pearl-handled knife

And carved out his life

With the joy of a justly-induced purr

A lovely young girl of Madras

Had herself an astonishing ass!

Not rounded and pink

As you might possibly think

But was grey, had long ears, and ate grass!

Quote by JamesLlewellyn

A lovely young girl of Madras

Had herself an astonishing ass!

Not rounded and pink

As you might possibly think

But was grey, had long ears, and ate grass!

Wasn't that one of the examples Homer used in Ars Poetica?

I've fucked men and quickly forgotten

But with ladies I've made love and then

Wrapped up that thought

So it won't be forgot

Then remembering, pleasured again.

Betwixt a lady's soft thighs

I'll find my wonderful prize

With fingers and tongue

I'll work 'til she's sung

That song of orgasmic surprise

It happened one night, he seduced her

Or so he thought, 'til she produced her

Pearl-handled knife

And carved off his life

Ending joy for that self-serving cur

.

(This is a much better ending to my earlier feeble attempt – with thanks to Kistin!)

I once knew a girl in Vancouver

Who taught me the Heimlich maneuver

Aside from teaching first aid

She loved to get laid

And man, she could suck like a hoover

In most things young Jane was well-versed

But her sex-ed was simply the worst

She refused a blow job

Because when she blew down my knob

She was worried my scrotum would burst.

You wanna guy? Shave that forest away!

Wanda Jean taunts me mean, but I just say

I don't want no boy,

only girls bring me joy

and your momma likes it furry that way

My hairy friend Mary is mental
In bed she does not like it gentle
With a cock up her tush
The state of her bush
Is actually inconsequential.

Sleeping she lay as I dressed

Our lust, for now, is addressed

But it won't be long

'Ere it returns, strong

And it certainly will not be suppressed

- -

thanks to Kistin for the first line idea from 'last word'

'Tis funny how just a thought

Can come along quite unsought

And affect us there

Quite beyond compare

And leave a wet spot wrought

There was a California Lad

Whose thoughts and actions could be bad

Thought he was sexy you see

Said pour some sugar on me

Hope it’s a passing fad

I once knew a funny guy

He was quite witty and spry

Sometimes was grumpy

Conversations  bumpy

Read his verses and I just sigh

Paige, pert, pretty and pale

Teasingly twitches her tail

From others that know her

I've heard she's a goer

But sadly, I'm just too darn male.

A gentlemanly fellow called Rob

Never would act as a slob

Gallant and just

Always to trust

Oh wait, must be an alternate Rob

..

You know we love you 😇

A bisexual beauty named Lynn
Is ready for all sorts of sin
She'll lift up her frock
For a strap-on or cock
And gyrate once it's all the way in.

'Tis true both sides I enjoy

For both bring wonderful joy

The goal is the same

The end result "came"

No matter if girl or boy

The banter betwixt Lynn and Rob,

Makes me wonder and parts of me throb.

To think of their teasing,

Becoming great pleasing.

(Paid sponsorship from Rob's knob.)

If I ever were able to visit

I am sure that I'd eagerly kiss it

I have practiced a lot

And the target is hot

So I'm sure that my tongue would not miss it

Oh Sandra, you're such a tease

I'm sure you Rob would please

Though he's quite funny

He's really a honey

But you might just need referees!

Quote by lynnwitt

Oh Sandra, you're such a tease

I'm sure you Rob would please

Though he's quite funny

He's really a honey

But you might just need referees!

Ooohhhh dinner and a show! How nice.

All these lim'ricks from Sandra and Lynn

Make me think about nothing but sin

About things I would do

With either one of those two

If I only knew how to get in

(makes me think of a classic)

.

There once was a whore of Katroo

Who filled her vagina with glue

She said, with a grin,

"If they pay to get in,

Then they'll pay to get out again, too!"

Be risqué and worry not
About penetrating a slot
The lube is no secret
For they will secrete it
If they find your scenario hot.

Quote by patokl

All these lim'ricks from Sandra and Lynn

Make me think about nothing but sin

About things I would do

With either one of those two

If I only knew how to get in

.

The way can be quite narrow.

Be thee wild or spry like a sparrow.

I catch your wandering eyes,

Spread my glistening thighs,

Revealing pubes shaped as an arrow.

Sandra, so helpful and kind

Has her pubic hair redesigned

For lovers with sight

A pointing invite

And an arrow to touch, for the blind