Lynangel, for you I have pined
But, to failure, I'm resigned
A friend like no other
Loves me like a brother
(Which is not what I had in mind.)
.
I've chatted with Heidi and Dee
But they always gang up on me
The mean girls from school
Play me for a fool.
I'd put them both over my knee.
.
One by one, over they'd go.
How pink their bottoms would glow
They'd soon be thanking
Me for the spanking
Pretty maids all in a row.
.
Quote by dlcalguy
Lynangel, for you I have pined
But, to failure, I'm resigned
A friend like no other
Loves me like a brother
(Which is not what I had in mind.)
.
I've chatted with Heidi and DeeBut they always gang up on me
The mean girls from school
Play me for a fool.
I'd put them both over my knee.
.
One by one, over they'd go.
How pink their bottoms would glow
They'd soon be thanking
Me for the spanking
Pretty maids all in a row.
.
Bravo!
An ex-pat from the UK
Always had some to say
The girls he would tease
And promise to please
But never did get his way.
.
Of his ways, all the girls knew
All the things he wanted to do
But they gave him the brush
Said even though on Lush
He would never get to base two.
For many a year he campaigned
But "No," was always maintained
But his spirits rise
Now she sort of implies
That First Base might be attained.
.
'Tis no secret that Rob loves teasing
Ladies' attention he finds quite pleasing
Making more flap
Incites him to fap
Finding such attention appeasing
First base just might be attained
But just how has not been explained
When the Ladies' League meets
They slip 'twixt the sheets
And Rob once again is constrained
Rob hit long and reached first base
He thinks this is the right place
Will he hit a long one
And maybe have some fun
Or will he strike out and eface
Pterodactyl Porn I've now seen
Projected right there on my screen
'Twas all Sandra's fault
To my senses assault
And now I can't make it unseen!
If pterodactyl sex is that good
Then maybe you are in the mood
For some really good sex
With a nice big T-Rex
Though you could end as dinosaur food
If a T-Rex met you, to be frank
Your odds of survival sank
Between me and you
I'd be grumpy, too,
If my arms were too short for a wank.
Quote by dlcalguy
If a T-Rex met you, to be frank
Your odds of survival sank
Between me and you
I'd be grumpy, too,
If my arms were too short for a wank.
That one's briljant
He said his most common complaint
Is when a guy says he's bi but he ain't
But he'd often find
They change their mind
When they feel his tongue tickle their taint
If Frank wanted to meet a T-rex
I'd hope it wasn't for sex
It's against Lush rules
To fuck beasts like mules
Instead give a frog a few pecks
No dinosaurs, then, my guess is.
Amphibian lips she addresses.
Cas hopes that the frogs
She ardently snogs
Turn into enchanted princesses.
Dinosaur porn I will leave
Without it I will not grieve
No cold blooded critters
To give me the jitters
I'll take mine warm, I believe
It happens in spite of our wills
That time of month into us drills
Can't be denied
Yes, we have tried
I mean, of course, time to pay bills
Online dating seems a mess,
It’s hard to put forth the best.
He’s crazy or worse,
Sometimes it's a curse,
Pursuing it nevertheless.
.
So, welcome to the shit show!
Hard to see them come and go.
They seem alright,
'Til I find they might,
Be crazy or worse, I don’t know.
.
First there was a kind man named Bill,
I never want to cause him ill-will.
He was horribly shy,
Can’t look me in the eye.
He never recovered from Jill.
.
Next there was a guy named Todd,
He had a seductive bod
He pumped iron per diem
I loved to see him
But porn affected his rod.
.
Now Todd's tongue did have some skill,
Though my crease he did not fill.
We’d laugh and we’d joke,
Nearly until we choke,
But dinner, he couldn’t pay the bill.
.
I think women should treat the man too.
I think it’s the equal thing to do,
But low on gas,
I said I’d pass.
I’m not riding a bicycle for two.
.
So Trevor was next on the list,
Increased safety I have to insist.
Meet in the light,
Home before night,
No means no, or you get the fist.
.
Roy had beliefs like me,
Theological discussions had we.
But revealed sometime soon,
Stability not well hewn,
The Christ was in Russia to see.
.
Michael was rather intense,
Loneliness left him incensed.
Angry ejaculation
Did not sate the sensation,
Violent in bed, I had sensed.
.
Jeff was intense I should say,
He wanted to connect in all ways,
He was a liar of flair,
I did not think it fair.
He wanted to marry today.
.
When you solicit out of state,
Long distance is not on my plate
They say, “see where it leads.”
Often ‘twixt knees.
No thank you, I’m already great!
.
Brian was sweet that’s for sure,
He seemed pretty damn pure.
But road rage had spread,
I thought I was dead,
The road of love had a detour.
.
Next on the block is Lee
Seems nice, says he thinks of me.
Flirty and fun,
We’ll walk in the sun.
I’ll meet him for coffee and see.
.
So wading through guys is a chore,
I’m looking for them to have more,
Than hook up desires.
But light eternal fires,
Feed my soul, and make it soar.
.
The right one can fully unlock,
This flame that I give is a shock.
Sexy and Intense,
Looking for that sense,
Of the one that will be my rock.
I tried online dating as well
Some said it is really quite swell
I'd send a like or a kiss
Most often, just a miss
Hardly ever ringing the bell.
.
One of the first I met was named June
She was a bit of a loon
We dated awhile
But missed by a mile
I said goodbye quite soon.
.
Many different apps I did try
Hardly ever got a reply
Why toss in your hat
If you don't plan to chat
Not even hello or bye bye.
.
The next was a lady called Jean
She never wanted to be seen
Thirty years as a lez
Family don't know yet she says
No relationship was to have been.
.
The last one I met was named Rose
She had such a cute little nose
Things looked real good when we met
It was looking like a good bet
I was tingling down to my toes.
.
She claimed to want to get laid
Thought I could come to her aid
She asked to read what I wrote
Felt like a stupid old goat
Said what she read made her afraid.
.
Some of the sites were for pay
Though hated to do, said okay
They were just as bad
No luck to be had
Finally just walked away.
Quote by adele
I tried online dating as well
Some said it is really quite swell
I'd send a like or a kiss
Most often, just a miss
Hardly ever ringing the bell.
.....
Some of the sites were for pay
Though hated to do, said okay
They were just as bad
No luck to be had
Finally just walked away
I feel every letter of what you just wrote!!
Oh, Cas, it's exasperating
Finding Ms Right is frustrating
Good luck is random
Nil desperandum
You could always fuck me while you're waiting.
Quote by Sandra47
I feel every letter of what you just wrote!!
Thanks. Not the best experience.
Rob, will you never quit?
You know for me, you're not it
If I wanted a man
I'd lift the ban
And on you're face I would sit.
So I'm not the perfect catch
But we are an adequate match
To your lust just surrender
Unconcerned by the gender
Of the tongue that is licking your snatch
To find the one who hits the chord
Completely pulls your soul aboard
Oft seems too much to ask
They too oft wear a mask
And their heart's not aligned with their word
I fear anymore rejection
So I've given up on selection
If love is to find me
It needs to sneak up behind me
Dragging me off against my objection
Connections on-line can be real
Relationships which one can quite feel
A melding of minds
And a tie which binds
Can lead to endless appeal
