Lush Limericks

Quote by lynnwitt

Sirius, a star quite distant

Or, on Lush someone insistent

Similarities?

Opposite polarities?

Or, perhaps, coexistent?

👍🤪😎

Quote by dlcalguy

Sirius forgot the new start

No, this is the complete Limerick forum.

A thunderstorm's raging outside

It is a good time for a ride

You'd better prepare

That place down there

Then we'll have a grand slip and slide!

Naughty or nice is confusing

Perhaps neither we will be refusing

Naughty feels nice

Just to be concise

And leads to more sexual perusing

Quote by lynnwitt

No, this is the complete Limerick forum.

But I wrote a new one anyway!

"Roberta" was his female persona

But he had a permanent bone-a

Which got in the way

When he tried to play

With ladies in the Lesbian zone-a

I find sex so very appealing

Sometimes I can't stop from squealing

The feeling's intense

Orgasms immense

Lying, sitting, or kneeling!

There was a young man from Le Havre

Who could never get enough Be-Avre

He’d look high and low

And on finding it, he’d go,

“O Be-Avre, you give me the Fe-Avre!”

With her fingers she has a great way

And such feelings a long time will stay

Whether nipples or clit

She makes quite a hit

So I'm happy with her every day!

"Would you", she asked with a grin

"Like me now to begin?

Assume the position

As is our tradition

And enjoy the ride, dear Lynn!"

There was a young kipper named Robby

Who made masturbation his hobby

When questioned he said

“I’ll wank till I’m dead!

One more round for Old Mr. Knobby!”

A married man name of Derkin

Was addicted to jerkin' his gherkin.

His wife said, "Now Derkin,

By jerkin' your gherkin

You're shirkin' your firkin' – you bastard!

…

(Not mine – I'm quoting)

Quote by JamesLlewellyn

A married man name of Derkin

Was addicted to jerkin' his gherkin.

His wife said, "Now Derkin,

By jerkin' your gherkin

You're shirkin' your firkin' – you bastard!

…

(Not mine – I'm quoting)

BASTARD!!

Julia's friend masturbates her
Every time that he dates her.
She's heavily pierced -
Through tits, clit and ears.
Airport security hates her.

It is quite probably true

A woman can produce much goo

Now will she share

From down there?

Rob wishes for sure that he knew!

A young lady of uncertain desire

Thought Sapphic delights she like to acquire

So there 'twixt her thighs

I gave her new highs

Now those are her thoughts entire!

When girls clap their eyes on Lynn's tits

And feel her finger their clits

And her tongue up their crack

There's no going back

To unsightly dangly bits.

Unsightly dangling bits?

Though erect when viewing tits.

That's been my go to,

Move within view.

Let's just see how that one sits.

Quote by Sandra47

Unsightly dangling bits?

Though erect when viewing tits.

That's been my go to,

Move within view.

Let's just see how that one sits.

Some ladies here think we are mugs
And dismiss our approaches with shrugs

Yet you know what dangles
Attains other angles
With an eyeballfull of your jugs.

A seamstress, I don't seem to be.

Ripped jeans when I fell on my knee.

I stripped off my shirt,

Proceeded to convert

A patch made out of my tee.

For that patch on the place where you kneel

Is robbing Peter to pay Paul, I feel

To noone's surprise

Among all the guys

Paul gets the best of the deal.

When moving the heavy divan

I had found a collection of men.

Oh you may think boys,

But I'm referring to toys.

Don't worry, I'll entertain them again.

I tried moving the heavy divan,

It was affixed to the floor again.

I pushed and I shoved,

I need help from above.

It's stuck in a pool of dried semen.

She said "Let's try something new

My halo's already askew"

Not being a saint

I ignored the taint

So we explored new ways to screw

My porn collection is rather vast

With a wide and renown cast

Pillsbury Dough Boy

A Poppin Fresh toy

Over him, my clit, I have lashed.

.

Then Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

Admittedly a very big can.

Lynn reports that the goo

In Ghost Busters II

Was merely gratification.

.

So if you wonder where all of this leads

Your sister should not intercede

When I'm loading on carbs,

Beware of the barbs.

Check out the "fond of you" feed!

One of my faves...not saucy, just silly...

There was a young man from Dundee

Who got stung on the arse by a wasp

When asked "Did it hurt?

He said "Not at all"

"He can do it again if he likes"

Rob denies his being a prude

But what else can we conclude?

I sit here naked

And quite forsake-ed

But he says "not in the mood" 😘

Rob denies his being a prude

But what else can we conclude?

I sit here naked

And quite forsake-ed

But he says "not in the mood" 😘

Lynn, perhaps if the number grows,

I will strip off all of my clothes.

But we sit and alas,

Time continues to pass.

What Rob waits for, only he knows.

Some ladies talk a good game.

"Come get me!" they proudly exclaim.

But when a man emerges

To sate their urges

They quickly back down. What a shame.