Lush Limericks

From a lamp I summoned a genie

Got cash and a babe in a bikini

But I should have specified

Long not wide

When I asked for a 10 inch weenie.

Rob checked into the Sleeze Motel

And tried to ignore the smell

What he had in mind

Was clearly defined

For it was just what she had to sell

There was a young lady named Vi,

Who had a combustible ‘pie’.

With no need for a match,

Her incendiary snatch,

Would go up like a Bonfire Night Guy.

cute...and timely too!

“Oooh, Henry!” Anne breathlessly said,

As King Henry stood over her bed.

Alas! Had she known,

That his seeds had been sown,

And that all he was after was head.

She loved to tickle the keys

Above the piano man's knees

Then slide down his rod

With her lusty, young bod

So he would cum as she swung in the breeze!

Old King Richard deserved what he got,

When at Bosworth a battle he fought.

And though far in the past,

He would not be the last,

To get laid in a car-parking lot.

Kudos! Good meter, historical, and a sexy twist.....hahaha

In Florida, the hurricane season

Leaves a coast without houses or trees on.

But DeSantis is strange

And denies climate-change

And gets voted in, for some reason.

I never can pass up the opportunity to write a Limerick…

There was a young woman from Bath

Who tattooed her boob for a laugh

She thought it looked cute

Till she aged, and it drooped

And her Bambi became a giraffe

There was a man from Limerick

Who had quite a wandering dick

He lived in constant fear

That it would disappear

Leaving him with no choice but to lick

Quote by Safryzer

There was a man from Limerick

Who had quite a wandering dick

He lived in constant fear

That it would disappear

Leaving him with no choice but to lick

A wandered-off dick can be frightful.

But his Priest, when told, said "Delightful!

Your wife comes quicker

Once you know how to lick her."

Which was disconcertingly insightful.

As the writers of porn know quite clearly

Their work isn’t valued so dearly

Most folks, to be frank

Are just after a wank

And unmoved by efforts literary

Said a veteran editor of porn

"It's as sure as the day I was born,

"It's how high they spurt

"When they're reading your dirt

"And how hard dicks and pussies get worn!"

🤣Quote by JamesLlewellyn

Said a veteran editor of porn

"It's as sure as the day I was born,

"It's how high they spurt

"When they're reading your dirt

"And how hard dicks and pussies get worn!"

There was a young fella called Mick

Who had him a prodigal dick

He indulged in his vices

Regardless of prices

And made his accountant quite sick

A horny young maid name of Nora

Went looking for someone to explore'er

Then she found Nick

With his giant dick

Who used it like a big apple corer

She was mooning over a boy.

Acting shy a just a bit coy.

Then what caught her eye?

But a fabulous buy.

What's better than a half priced toy?

Quote by Sandra47

She was mooning over a boy.

Acting shy a just a bit coy.

Then what caught her eye?

But a fabulous buy.

What's better than a half priced toy?

.

So she ran home to have a Big O

Unwrapped it and set it to "GO"

Alas she'd forgotten

(And it left her quite rotten)

"There're no batteries included – OH NO!"

One time, all the women I knew

Preferred, over sex, a strong brew

Till I fucked, rather gaily

A willing tea lady

Who more than my dirty mind blew

Quote by JamesLlewellyn

.

So she ran home to have a Big O

Unwrapped it and set it to "GO"

Alas she'd forgotten

(And it left her quite rotten)

"There're no batteries included – OH NO!"

If only there was a small crank.

Then I could just give it a yank!

But no crank was had.

I'm feeling quite bad.

Legs spread, an old fashioned spank!

There was a man in some confusion

Who could only climax with his shoes on

That dirtied the covers

Repulsed all his lovers

And sealed his despairing seclusion

- -

☝🏻 Based on a true story. A woman once told me of a man she ‘knew of’ who had to be wearing shoes to have sex. Apparently, all of his formative sexual experiences had been in cars.

She perused his white converse sneaker,

On his foot when he should just seek her.

But where did he go?

And how could I know,

That he was an old fashioned streaker!

To shoes in her bed she objected

So he took them off, as directed.

But shoeless or shod

He was hung like a god

And performance remained unaffected.

There was a girl from New Orleans

Whose dress fell apart at the seams

But she’d not gotten far

When a Krewe in a bar

Crowned her one of their Mardi Gras Queens

If an old-fashioned spank disappoints

Wire the mains to the toy’s contact points

But you’ll have to beware

It might lift up your hair

Sending shocks pulsing through all your joints

Quote by Sandra47

If only there was a small crank.

Then I could just give it a yank!

But no crank was had.

I'm feeling quite bad.

Legs spread, an old fashioned spank!

Here I am broken hearted.

Paid a penny and only farted.

There was a young man from Leeds.

Who swallowed a packet of seeds.

Blades of grass grew out of his ass.

And his balls were covered in weeds.

Quote by DustyPink

Here I am broken hearted.

Paid a penny and only farted.

Welcome to the limerick thread, DustyPink. While your contributions are amusing and appreciated, a limerick has a specific rhyming form in five lines:

A

A

B

B

A

.

Typically, the third and fourth lines are shorter.

Safryzer's limerick below is a good example:

Quote by Safryzer

One time, all the women I knew

Preferred, over sex, a strong brew

Till I fucked, rather gaily

A willing tea lady

Who more than my dirty mind blew

.

I hope this helps! And, again, welcome!

This is true. It's equally the case that, personally, I struggle to make my BB lines shorter! But it's always worth the brutal effort.

Quote by JamesLlewellyn

.

I hope this helps! And, again, welcome!