Lush Limericks

An Indian lady so fair

Lured me right to her lair

Well, "lured" isn't right

I put up no fight

And found bliss beyond compare

It's strange how the zoning of time,

Can effect your directness of rhyme.

When you are caught

Rhyming with sort,

Your rhyme turns into a crime.

(I can't help it Lynnwitt!)

I worked with a girl who was frank

That she only liked men who would spank

She lit up with glee

As she bent o’er my knee

But we both got the sack for that prank

The World Cup begins soon - it's a pain!

But perhaps us girls shouldn't complain.

I don't think I would mind,

Taking Mount from behind,

Or being fouled in the box by young Kane.

There was a lass from coastal Leith

Whose pubic hair stuck in my teeth

We couldn’t get free

So went to A&E

Where the nurses laughed in disbelief

The behavior of people on Lush

Can sometimes result in a blush

We find as we explore

Acts blending two, three - or more

And causing us to leave in a rush!

A limerick can be delightful,

Some humorous, others insightful.

Mine tend to rhyme,

About sexy time.

For sure, you will get an eyeful!

I went with a girl for a punt

And she sat down, revealing her cunt

With my pole stout and ready

I kept the boat steady

But my splashes dripped straight down her front

Well, fishing is quite a nice sport,

Casting a pole of some sort.

Give it a go,

Reel her in slow.

You'll sure find a welcoming port.

There lives a porn writer named Jo

Who has a peculiar beau

His thoughts have been found

To be less than profound

But he sports three giant pricks down below

There’s a jolly young butcher called Jason

Who flirts as he slices the bacon

He always distracts

The folks he attracts

By being quite nude beneath his striped apron

Then Jason had really some bad luck

While slicing up bacon with a hard schmuck

The hand with the knife

Cut short his long life

But his successor charged for each slice – just a buck!

Oh Jason, we really should mourn,

He's depressed and feeling forlorn.

Though his tongue is improved,

He licks that sweet groove.

And his ladies exhausted and worn.

I sailed with a girl named Marie

Who came hard as she sat on my knee

With the barest of brushes

She climaxed with blushes

Just from the ship’s motion at sea

Jason’s cut took a serious toll

With the length that his careless slip stole

But it wasn’t all bad

Since he started a fad

By creating the first bacon roll

Quote by JamesLlewellyn

Then Jason had really some bad luck

While slicing up bacon with a hard schmuck

The hand with the knife

Cut short his long life

But his successor charged for each slice – just a buck!

There was a man from Glocca Morra

Who discovered to his abject horror

That the slacks picked that morn

We’re excessively worn

When loose balls made his date cry, ‘begorrah!’

An ex-girlfriend Beverley-Jo

Was confused: should she suck, or she blow?

I did quickly beseech

She should do some of each

Slurping it like the finest Bordeaux

When out on the lawn with a man.

Beware of a neighborhood ban.

We streak through the yard,

Catch many off guard,

November can freeze your can!

A woman we’ll simply call Q

Liked her sex to be rather frou-frou

There were plenty of thrills

If you worked past the frills

Of her peach négligée and tutu

A dim girl that I used to date

Would always refuse to fellate

She said No blow job.

If I blow down your knob

I'm afraid your ballsack will inflate.

Sadly the holiday celebrations

Reduce the Lush lust declarations

People don't play

On Thanksgiving Day

They'd rather fight with their relations.

My family meets on Saturday

In-laws are meeting today

Dinner consists

Of left over bliss

And time to diddle my pus-say.

Her pecan pie is superior

But family squabbles do weary her

So Dee's going to play

The following day

By pushing things up her posterior.

A stud asked a girl in a bar

If she’d come for a lift in his car

His entendre she spurned

As he speedily learned

She preferred motorcycles by far

Quote by Safryzer

A stud asked a girl in a bar

If she’d come for a lift in his car

His entendre she spurned

As he speedily learned

She preferred motorcycles by far

He promised his cycle would please

With throbbing between her knees

But she knew he had conned her

When he rolled up on a Honda

With less then 100 CCs.

Academics agree on one thing,

Edward wasn’t a popular king.

But ‘though he was a perv,

He just didn’t deserve,

A hot poker thrust into his ring.

In Qatar, sex for WAGs has been banned,

There’ll be no high-jinx out in the sand.

So their new bedroom habits,

Will involve plugs and rabbits,

Or just a quick ‘O’ with one hand.

A young woman in North Carolina,

Enjoyed having sex with her china.

Every cup, bowl and plate,

Would repeatedly mate,

With her crockery-hungry vagina.

Whether you're a saint or a pig

It's not great to be Mr. Big

Be it decapitation

Or assassination

Statistically it's a dangerous gig.

This lady’s dyslexic, I’d say

If she has sex like this day to day

Where others love ‘cocks’

She lusts after ‘crocks’

And lays tables to others’ dismay

Quote by NishasWorld

A young woman in North Carolina,

Enjoyed having sex with her china.

Every cup, bowl and plate,

Would repeatedly mate,

With her crockery-hungry vagina.