Lush Limericks

There lived a stressed-out dairy farmer

Whose new milkmaid was quite the charmer

When she’d pumped the herd dry

She’d catch him by the eye

Drain his balls, and leave him feeling calmer

Quote by Safryzer

There is a tall woman called Cat

Who carries not one ounce of fat

When stripped to the buff

Her voluminous muff

Protrudes like the brim of a hat

Ha! Good cadence and timing! Thanks for the grin!

Gambling husband, a wealthy Berliner

Lost a bet on his wife after dinner.

Yes, he gambled his treasure,

Yet he treasured his pleasure

Watching her cumming twice with a winner.

A girlfriend once told me, ‘heads up!’

‘What you’re going to lick, you must fuck’

That was sweet to my ears

But it ended in tears

When I licked the ‘wrong’ hole and cocked-up

A young man whose sexual gleanings

Had strong philosophical leanings

Made his girlfriend deplore

When he squealed, ‘less is more!’

And came fast, disregarding her feelings

I had a spare minute or two

So painted my dick red and blue

My wife, the old tart

Said "I don't know much about art

"But I know what I like and I do"

There was a Scots teacher named Kirsty

Who liked to relax quite perversely

Her OnlyFans porn

Drew brickbats and scorn

And her bosses reacted adversely

The teacher went down on all fours

And seductively slipped off her drawers

The PTA was struck dumb

By the sight of her bum

Apart from the fathers' applause.

Bradley is one of those jocks

Who likes to fuck wearing his socks

But his socks are thick nylon

And spark like a pylon

Delivering copious shocks

It’s a true story too. I can’t post links but if you Google ‘Kirsty Buchan OnlyFans’ you should see it.

Quote by dlcalguy

The teacher went down on all fours

And seductively slipped off her drawers

The PTA was struck dumb

By the sight of her bum

Apart from the fathers' applause.

Mary, one of the McVickers

Lost interest in wearing her knickers

They’d get in the way

When she wanted to play

And after, they’d turn into stickers

Some Siamese twins of Khartoum

Took two lesbians up to their room

But that unhappy three

Simply could not agree

Who'd put what into where and to whom

🤣

Quote by MC1982

Some Siamese twins of Khartoum

Took two lesbians up to their room

But that unhappy three

Simply could not agree

Who'd put what into where and to whom

When you wanted a date with young Lydia

If you stripped to the buff, she’d consider ya

She liked you in good nick

With a sizeable prick

And when both got a tick, she might bid on ya

The was a man folks knew as ‘Stoker’

Who liked to play sexual poker

He’d call a girl’s bluff

And strip her to the buff

Till a strong-handed lass played her joker

There is a young woman called June

Whose boyfriend orgasms too soon

She’s barely turned on

When he lets off his gun

And she has to make do with a spoon

There was a young lady of Skye

Who took a cum shot in the eye

Although blind for a day

She was happy to say

That her sheets had stayed perfectly dry

A Lord who once lived on my block

Was a posh and imperious cock

But his Lady was fragrant

Her flirts became flagrant

So we let our amour run amok

A tall girl who loved a big cock

Had a strange fetish for the church clock

There came a late hour

When she straddled that tower

And the vicar disgorged down his frock

A lady from the Mid East

Chose on other ladies to feast

Whether quite bare

Or covered with hair

Her appetite just never decreased

I met a po-et from the south

And sweet words flowed like wine from his mouth

He took me to bed

He leaned over and said

If this was a limerick, I would come in your vagina

A hot girl was dating a fella

Who felt that he had to tell her

By all accounts

You cum copious amounts

Which is why I brought this umbrella

She lays mince pies on both her nipples

And her dimples hold various tipples

And would you believe

This nude’s forename is Eve

She gives Santa much more than his victuals

A lass with the surname of Tranter

Set her heart on a rough shag with Santa

It was heavily snowing

When she crouched down to blow him

And fell nude off her roof to her rancour

The weather was icy cold

But in the back seat they rolled

The windows were frosted

When they were exhausted

With quite a good time, all told

While it’s cramped inside, crouched in the dark

She’s determined; this day, she will mark

With a jump, thong-clad Jack

Springs her box in attack

Kissing all, in her Boxing-Day lark

We were having a sober discourse

Each with her own view to enforce

An argument ensued

Of opposites viewed

So we had sex instead, of course

ChatGPT wrote a limerick with glee,

Though it struggled to rhyme with "GPT," you see,

It thought for a bit,

Then came up with a wit,

"My name's hard to rhyme, but my verse is key!"

.

This was actually written by the Artificial Intelligence, ChatGPT. I asked it to do so out of interest. I think I'd grade it a C-

So – a Bear's effort, for comparison:

An AI named ChatGPT

Was offered for use, all for free

But free wasn't what

They took as their cut

For we are all training it on the QT

Though there may be some things beneficial

To intelligence that's artificial

When cranking out rhymes

It's clear that at times

The results have been prejudicial