Lush Limericks

Several things that I tend to do,

Just might seem a little askew.

I brush my hair,

With my legs in the air.

And the mirror is nowhere in view.

There once was a lady in Jarrow,

Whose sex life was informed by her Tarot.

But she once got cold feet,

When the cards said she’d meet,

A guy hung like a prize-winning marrow.

She opened her lovely thighs

To show me the merchandise

Then spread even wider

And pulled me inside her.

So, that was a pleasant surprise.

There was a young lady I knew

Whose sweet lips were hidden from view

But rooting around in the shrubbery

Soon revealed something rubbery

Buried so deep it was known to just a few

Quote by NishasWorld

There once was a lady in Jarrow,

Whose sex life was informed by her Tarot.

But she once got cold feet,

When the cards said she’d meet,

A guy hung like a prize-winning marrow.

Really good flow, cadence.

I remember when I was young,

My titties would worship the sun.

Now their girth,

Worships the earth.

But they still have just as much fun!

When, in the early morn

'Tis dark, but still warm

I sometimes slip out

With no stitch about

And relish no uniform

Considering the question of sainthood,

My virtual sister really should,

Consult Webster first,

Then adjust her verse,

'Cause really she has misunderstood.

I suppose I could be more clear

Sandra, my sister dear

Onto the deck

I naked trek

In warmer times of the year!

So, the sainthood crown has fallen.

I'll give you a minute for stallin'

When virtue you flout.

And ask why we doubt.

Bullshit! I'll surely be callin'

There was a young fella from Wooster

Who gave every woman a booster.

His long, sturdy dong

Sure helped things along!

He was more of a cock than a rooster.

There was a young lady named Lucy
Whose vagina was yummy and juicy.
And her sweet little plum,
Always eager to cum,
Was a more of cunt than a pussy.

There was a young lady from Parma

Whose pussy got warma and warma

With each passing day

As the lads came to play,

And she pleasured each well-hung barnstormah.

There once was a girl name of Lynn,

Her mind more filthy than the bin,

She keeps all the toys,

Denies with such poise.

But Lynn's the purveyor of sin!

My sister Sandra's so nice

Sweet and lovely, with spice

She calls my hand

Like a true firebrand

And then asks for advice!

😇

A sexier pair you'll never find

Than Lynn and Sandra, who can bind

A gal or a gent

Whether they're cumming, or went

Anyone missing their bodaciousness would be blind!

A moment with you Bear, we'll find.

To tickle and tease you, and bind.

You! You fine gent,

Who came then you went.

Bears are our favorite. We're not blind!

The Bear was bare with no care

As hands cast about here and there

An uprising evoked

As something was stroked

And when stopped, he declared 'No Fair!'

For ladies she had quite an eye

Who on Lush were in no short supply

The network was steamy

And she was quite creamy

And soared to a sexual high

The queue was getting quite long,

The girls coo and broke into song.

When she passed by,

The girls swoon and cry,

Pick me! I don't have a dong!

There once was a guy in Rosslare,

Who kept mice in his long pubic hair.

His date widened her eyes,

As one crawled out his flies,

Then she shrieked and jumped onto her chair.

Quote by NishasWorld

There once was a guy in Rosslare,

Who kept mice in his long pubic hair.

His date widened her eyes,

As one crawled out his flies,

Then she shrieked and jumped onto her chair.

.

I think I met him on a date.

And when he wanted to mate.

The mice smiled wide,

And asked me inside,

But plague is not part of my fate.

There once was a lady from Flushing

whose bush needed thrice-daily brushing.

One day her brush broke,

and her pussy, it spoke,

and it said, “Please god stop, I am gushing!”

Yesterday afternoon was nice

Involving sex, to be precise

In a steamy bout

Without a doubt

I came not once, but thrice

There once was a Bear name of Jim

And here's what we're thinkin' of him

He edged a young lass

Who was a full-on smart ass

And got her to tickle her quim

There once was a bounder from Wye

Who got his hand stuck in his fly

As he twisted and pulled

A new feeling took hold

And he said to himself, “My, my, my…”

There once was a shipper of rum

Who used to say “ouch” when he’d cum.

One day he said “ouch”

40 times on his couch!

And after that day he kept mum

A night lounging upon my bed,

Where men so often are lead.

He said, "Why the rope?"

I said, "Abandon all hope."

"Yes, ma'am!" Is what he had said.

And now, and real oldie (not written by me):

The World's Dirtiest Limerick,
with all the truly dirty words bleeped out:

.

Da-dadadadadada-dah

Da-dadadadadada-dah

Da-dada-da-dah

Da-dada-da-DAH

De-dadadadadada-FUCK

Quote by JamesLlewellyn

And now, and real oldie (not written by me):

The World's Dirtiest Limerick,
with all the truly dirty words bleeped out:

.

Da-dadadadadada-dah

Da-dadadadadada-dah

Da-dada-da-dah

Da-dada-da-DAH

De-dadadadadada-FUCK

.

I'd like to hear this uncensored rhyme,

To hear the seduction one time.

I'm sure I would cum,

If you would please slap my bum,

With the words would be simply sublime.