Lush Limericks

She drifted out of the mist

Spectral? Yes, but a twist

Exhuding lust

'Twixt my legs thrust

As we shared a ghostly tryst

A poet was seeking some rhymes,

But her lips were the victims of crimes.

From a passionate kiss,

She'd landed in bliss,

With lips that were singing sweet chimes.

At thirty, I'd only had three,

Condom wearing hard cocks inside me.

I set out to be naughty,

It was twenty by forty,

And one per year at fifty three.

Halloween is a time for fun

Innocent or erotic, either one

I'll bet you can guess

To which I acquiesce

And feel euphoria when I'm done!

Lynn goes for Mars masturbation

A confectionary assignation

Today's candy bar

Won't go in quite as far

A result of what's known as shrinkflation

I find the problem with candy

When used for purposes randy

Is that it DISappears

When Rob appears

For he always finds it quite dandy

Lynn is telling the truth

I have a very sweet tooth

If you fancy nookie

Just hand me a cookie

Or a Kit Kat or Baby Ruth.

In Caddyshack a stir occurred

When a candy bar was inferred

To cause some despair

In the pool there

But Murray make it quite absurd

We teased and taunted awhile

Which always brought quite a smile

Will more be in store

For us to explore?

Well, she never fails to beguile!

There once was a lady of Brest,

Who lived up to it's name, as you'd guessed.

She wore forty six C,

And when they swung free,

She gave the young fellas no rest.

He boasted he had a full eight

About that he'd take no debate

But as it occurred

To centimeters referred

As she found out on their first date

He met a young lady of China

Who bet him lunch out at a diner

Plus she'd suck off his dick

If he wrote a limerick

About her without "cunt" or "vagina"

Accepting that wager's no shtuck.

Enjoying your charms was such luck.

I licked your fine clit

And fondled each tit.

Now where is my meal and my suck?

She came very well from your tongue,

Alas, Chinamen are not well hung.

So, she’s turned to Caucasians,

Who have more meat than Asians.

But for meals, she will stick to Dim Sum.

My tongue is renowned for its skill.

I thought it would give you a thrill.

But show me your glamour

And my eyes will shout "amour"

But my cock would need help from a pill.

The taste of her lips was divine

For part of that taste was mine

She'd been 'twixt my thighs

With all that implies

And now we together entwine

The soft slip of her skin on mine

As our bodies so closely entwine

Sends tremors racing

All cares erasing

As we wing to that sexual shrine

From a church on the Balearic Isles
Came a shriek that resounded for miles.
Said the vicar, “Good gracious!
Has Father Ignatius
Forgotten the Bishop has piles?”

Quote by MC1982

From a church on the Balearic Isles
Came a shriek that resounded for miles.
Said the vicar, “Good gracious!
Has Father Ignatius
Forgotten the Bishop has piles?”

Flows really well. Good timing and meter.

Quote by MC1982

From a church on the Balearic Isles
Came a shriek that resounded for miles.
Said the vicar, “Good gracious!
Has Father Ignatius
Forgotten the Bishop has piles?”

The scream did not come from a bender,

But the priest was indeed an offender.

Where Ignatius had erred

Was not having heard

The new Bishop had breasts and pudenda.

With females running the masses

They could shorten the seminary classes

It would become frivolous

To have on the syllabus

The bit about choirboys' asses.

My wife's menopause is a blight

She's always spoiling for a fight

But aside from those clashes

I'll admit her hot flashes

Do warm up our bed every night.

.

My advice is to tread quite lightly

And practice demeanor quite knightly

You might stand a chance

Your desires to advance

If you rein in your temper tightly

My legs were quite wide-spread

Giving plenty of room for her head

As she gave pleasure

In infinite measure

I was afraid I'd leave her dead

She was sorting her son's laundry
When she found herself in a quandary
For there in his drawer
Were girls' panties galore
Not one but at least thirty three!

I know a woman named Lynnwitt

Who loves to show me her tit

When we got into bed

She accidentally hit her head

And all she could say was "shit".

A fine lass who liked an egg nog

Got drunk and fixed me in a snog

Her mouth: sweet and spicy

Did woo and entice me

And her stiff nipples left me agog

It's Christmas time out here at Lush's

Where people write porn without blushes

Of people all horny

In prose sometimes corny

And fucking that leaves ’em with flushes

I'm happy whenever I see her

I whisper sweet nothings in her ear

Whenever she seeks

Blood rushing to her cheeks

(Or give her a slap on the rear.)

There once was a woman whose finger

Loved to search and hunt and poke and peck and linger

In spots where, it’s said

You could find yourself dead

If you outpoked some limp hubby’s stinger.