Lush Limericks

"What's 'girl goo' I asked, unawares

So my girlfriend kicked me downstairs

I gathered my nuts

With no ifs-ands-or-buts

And shoved into her browny backstairs

Is it a sexual essential

To have ample fluids evidential

Or can it be neat

And not wet the sheet

And still reach it's ultimate potential?

A sweet German lady named Dina

Was blessed with a juicy vagina

If you touched the right spot

It would make her so hot

That you could hear it sizzle in China

To those who profess here to know

what labels are most apropos

I'd like to defer

from pornographer

to fundus of erotic flow

Quote by kistinspencil

To those who profess here to know

what labels are most apropos

I'd like to defer

from pornographer

to fundus of erotic flow

Very er-u-dite Kistin! Impressive!

They said I was only a pornographer

And degrading whenever I snogged with her

I turned over a new leaf

And took up a new brief

I'm now a lecherous photographer!

Quote by JamesLlewellyn

Very er-u-dite Kistin! Impressive!

Not just another pretty picture, as Miss Pixel will aver (when suitably bribed, of course).

I once knew a lesbian flapper

Who let a photographer trap her

Annie Leibovitz knew

It was easy to do

She'd never say no to a snapper.

Kistin's camera has seen many a thing

And erotic thoughts to mind those bring

It can't be denied

That stirring inside

Images often provide quite a zing!

The hooker said: "My, you are tall"

"So why is your trumpet so small?"

"Oh well", said the lad

"Maybe you should have said"

"I was going to play in a hall"

I'm careful when shooting at night

getting flash and focus just right

I won't make a buck

if who in the fuck

isn't clearly revealed outright

I jerked upright when the flash hit my face

And wondered who had spotted us in this place

Turned round in a trice

Hoping to make nice

But instead wound up in disgrace!

I dragged her ’cross the bedroom and all

To make sure that she took the fall

I tied her in place

And came on her face

Then posted the photos in the mall

A fellow named Rob once said

"Picts, or it's all in your head"

Some were received

His goal then achieved

He took them quickly to bed

.

(Rob-D, by the way)

"Let's have an affair!"

She said with a flair

She jumped me to ride

My cock up inside

So I came in her sweet derrière.

A couple of classics (not written by me):

.

There once was a man name of Derkin

Addicted to jerkin' his gerkin

His wife said, "Now Derkin,

"By jerkin' your gerkin,

"You're shirkin' your firkin'…you bastard!"

.

And the world's dirtiest limerick, where all the really filthy words are bleeped out:

.

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dah

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dah

Da-da-da-da-da

Da-da-da-da-da

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-FUCK!

There once was a pretty large caiman

Who went to a gay bar in Bremen

Crawled amazingly smooth

In a glory hole booth

Said: "I'm going to dine on some gay men".

(again, a classic – not mine)

.

There once was a queer of Khartoum

Who took a lesbian up to his room

And they argued all night

About who had the right

To do what, and with which, and to whom.

A lusty madame from Bombay

Needed it five times a day

To take care of her need

She laid down in the street

And let every man have his way

Quote by JamesLlewellyn

(again, a classic – not mine)

.

There once was a queer of Khartoum

Who took a lesbian up to his room

And they argued all night

About who had the right

To do what, and with which, and to whom.

A straight fellow entered that fray

Why, it's impossible to say

It increased the rejections

Of unwanted connections

And they argued throughout the next day.

.

Then a girl wandered in by chance

And the straight guy expected romance

But he was no match

For the appeal of snatch

And she soon did that old sapphic dance.

.

That left those unwanted dicks

Watching the cavorting chicks

It was hot for the straight

And the gay guy said "Mate

Keep looking and I'll give you licks."

.

So the straight guy lay down on the bed

While accepting some marvelous head

"It's not really gay

If I get off this way

But don't finger my bottom" he said.

We she got the salami he bought

She asked: "Shall I slice it or not?"

He said to the gal

"My ass may be small

But a shuffleboard it is not"

Two ladies both madly loved Alice

who they vied for, causing much malice

So decided the pair

Their own bodies they'd share

while watching her play with a phallus

There was an old domme named Miss Claire

who preferred girls young and quite fair

Her belted black spike

would give them a hike

thus making them peak in the air

Young Kistin plays with her pencil

In a way that you have to call sensual

Though she doesn't do males

She likes monkey's tails

That can flex in a manner prehensile.

My human that you call Ms Kistin

constantly requires forgivin'

for skipping my treats

while dreaming of teats

and new ways two girls can do sinnin'

Miss Pixel, as you know, is my cat.

Preening herself, then napping? Down pat.

For treats she's a whore,

who always wants more.

Wish I had some girl pussy like that.

A man with a swarthy complexion

Was preceded by his erection

She knew he was coming

Because of his plumbing

Pointing right in her direction

.

(Thanks for the lead, Steve!)

Seems Sandra has stirred up the nest

Of Limericks good, better, and best

Some being lewd

Others subdued

But with most being naughty we're blessed

Kistin's kitty is a subject of note

Rhymes lyrical about her were wrote

As long as she purrs

And pleasure occurs

Clawed or not we'll later denote

When his his wedding ring slipped off inside her

His search field got wider and wider

Until he bumped with his head

Into an stranger who said

"Give it up, I can't find my horse either"