Lush Limericks

There once was a girl named Miranda

Who was very fond of bananas

She said with a grin

As she stuffed one in

They last SO much longer than a man......yeah

😀

There once was a randy young lass,

So full of vigour and sass.

She bought a strap-on,

A big rubber dong,

And pegged all the guys up the ass.

The weather is turning quite warmer

Which brings out my inner performer

When struck by the mood

To the deck - in the nude

I guess I'm a nudest transformer

Quote by lynnwitt

The weather is turning quite warmer

Which brings out my inner performer

When struck by the mood

To the deck - in the nude

I guess I'm a nudest transformer

So, when the weather turns mild,

Our witty Lynne, she turns wild.

To be dressed she loathes,

She strips off her clothes,

And sunbathes in naught but a smile.

Hi Lynn,

I hope you don't mind my response to your limerick.

Quote by WilliamGrey

I hope you don't mind my response to your limerick.

Of course I do not mind!

A Limerick For Cocksuckers

A fellow who loved to give head,
Found joy when a man was in bed.
He'd open up wide,
With a cock deep inside,
And swallow the seed that was shed.

There once was a girl from Carolina

Who had a thing for vaginas

She said at first taste

As I sat on her face

I'll lick yours

If you'll lick mine.... AHHH!

😋

Quote by sharyleah

Cute!

Two women checked into Room Nine,

And agreed that the view was divine.     

They ordered champagne,     

Got lost in the rain,

And by midnight their lips met the Rhine.

In a hotel room, soft and bright,

Two lovers embraced in the night.

With vibrators in hand,

They created a band,

Of whispers and moans—pure delight.

Quote by apptobebad

And by midnight their lips met the Rhine.

🙄

In the Rhine, the Rhinemaidens they joined

To chase what Alberich had purloined

Sapphic lust then ensued

Which not much did preclude

With every combination enjoined

(well, the meter is awkward, but.... 😇 )

At first they both thought it was fine

To use a map and then follow a sign

But lost on the way

They made love in the hay

A harvest they both loved to combine

Quote by apptobebad

In a hotel room, soft and bright,

...

Of whispers and moans—pure delight.

The walls of the room were thin

So that which transpired within

Was knowledge to all

Who walked down the hall

From when they began to the end

So often the case.

Quote by lynnwitt

The walls of the room were thin

So that which transpired within

Was knowledge to all

Who walked down the hall

From when they began to the end

Many can relate,,,,lol

Quote by Guest
Some folks don't know their ass from a hole
As are dug in the ground by a mole.
I wish they'd get smart
Cuz a thought ain't a fart
And a pileup of poop ain't a knoll.

Him

I ordered a lady masseuse
But the one that showed up was named Bruce
But the skills of that guy
May explain why
My happy ending was quite so profuse.

There once was a writer named Will

Eating pussy, he could not get his fill,

He said "I could still get my kicks,

If only between licks,

it came it the form of a pill."

A woman said to the man below,

There's something I want you to know,

Let's pretend it's a race,

While I sit on your face,

Don't stop until it's win, place and show.

There was a man from Deluth,

Who didn't mean to be uncouth,

But he, said, being blunt,

"When I drink from a cunt,

It's better than expensive vermouth."

The young girl, lacking any class,

Made a statement bold as brass,

Sucking my cock she swore

She'd never done it before,

And I laughed heartily into her ass.

My wife has an hourglass figure

People look at her and dig her

But, to be blunt,

She's got a big cunt

And wishes my johnson was bigger.

.

So trying to please my new bride

Whose hoochie is 4 inches wide

I augmented my penis

With drugs intravenous

And still she was unsatisfied.

.

Now here's what our sex-life's become

I use four fingers and thumb

I never ride her

But a fist deep inside her

Will rapidly get her to cum.

.

This process I do not endorse

I'll never be hung like a horse

I suggested last night

"You ass would be tight"

And this morning she wants a divorce

I have a friend named Dee_licious
Whose derriere jiggles and swishes.
(Just in my imagination.
I've seen no confirmation.
She never accedes to my wishes.)

When Dee's bottom swishes and shakes

Sparkles all over the walls she makes

For in that sweet butt

A jewel she does strut

And smiles at the pleasure she takes

Quote by splodger
There was a young girl
From Calcutta
Who peeped through a hole in a shutter
And all she could see Was a young maiden's knee
And the balls of the bloke who was up her

There was an old man for calcutta

who often slept with his wife in the gutter

the tropical sun

burnt a hole through his bum

and melted his balls to butter

There was a young lady from Australia

who painted her arse like a dalia

the looks were quite allright

the colours were quite bright

but the smell was a helova failure😋

There once was a man from Gelosham

who took out his balls to wash em

his wife said, Jack

if you don`t put em back

I`ll stand on them

and sqaush em!

The boy stood on the burning deck

digging his nose like mad

he rolled it into little balls

and shot it at his dad😜😋

Sign posted behind a toilet door:

Some come here to sit and wonder

some come here to shit like thunder

some come here for their own desire

but you came here to pull your wire😜😋

There was a Lady from Japan

who wanted to ride on a Tram

the dirty conductor

pulled out his constructor

now she`s pushing a pram!😜😋

There once was a maiden named Jen

Who couldn't attract any men

So she got bigger boobs

And waxed off her pubes

Now she gets fucked again and again.

.

I can't prove that's cause and effect

But it probably is, I suspect

Some men get tumescent

When girls look prepubescent

And a big rack commands some respect.