Basically she is gone.
I need to get her out of my system, because it's like poison running through my veins 24/7, but I cant.
I tried all sorts of stuff to keep my mind busy, like jogging and exercise, reading the classics (Hemingway, Borges, etc) learning a new language (Danish) , go on a diet, all sort of stuff...but at the end of the day, I feel like a robot, just doing things without giving a hoot about anything at all, totally depersonalised.
I know she wont come back, or at least not in a short term period, but I just cant stop thinking about her, it's been like this for the past 3 years, and I think I am going crazy.
So that's more or less the problem I am in right now, I feel like crap. Perhaps sounds very lame this question, but I couldnt care less.
Any advice will be apreciated.
Thanks.
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Advice.
I felt like this after breaking up with my ex and the only thing that helped me get over it was that I got bored. Bored of constantly being depressed and crying all the time. lifes too short to waste being miserable over that wanker so I stopped and got on with life.
You say youve been like this for 3 years tho? You need to make a decision, do you want to carry on like this in the smallest hope that she MIGHT come back, and lets face it, she most likely wont, or get over it and move on and be the positive, confident, happy person you once were
You say youve been like this for 3 years tho? You need to make a decision, do you want to carry on like this in the smallest hope that she MIGHT come back, and lets face it, she most likely wont, or get over it and move on and be the positive, confident, happy person you once were
Alpha Blonde
Javier, have you tried dating other people during these 3 years?
I know its probably a bad idea to start dating until you've made peace with the situation with your ex and "cleared the emotional cobwebs", but I'm just wondering if you've been able to get back out there and start meeting new people that might help you realize there are lots of potentially exciting new adventures to take.
Its possible that you might be idealizing your past relationship, and even who she was as a person as time goes forward. That often happens after a significant time away from a relationship. All of a sudden you start to explain away or ignore the issues that led to your separation and only remember the good times. I know I've done this before.
Also, going back to an ex can be tempting, but it very rarely works out the second or third time around.
Its great that you're trying to distract yourself with new things to focus on. Getting over someone is hard to do. Time usually does help, but after 3 years, I can see your frustration...
Also, I'm not sure if you're still in contact with her, or if you see her around town, or share common friends... but if you are able to cut off all ties with her as much as possible, you should do this. It takes so much longer to get over an ex if you're still maintaining some kind of contact with them... even exchanging a few emails here and there can prevent healing and moving on.
I know its probably a bad idea to start dating until you've made peace with the situation with your ex and "cleared the emotional cobwebs", but I'm just wondering if you've been able to get back out there and start meeting new people that might help you realize there are lots of potentially exciting new adventures to take.
Its possible that you might be idealizing your past relationship, and even who she was as a person as time goes forward. That often happens after a significant time away from a relationship. All of a sudden you start to explain away or ignore the issues that led to your separation and only remember the good times. I know I've done this before.
Also, going back to an ex can be tempting, but it very rarely works out the second or third time around.
Its great that you're trying to distract yourself with new things to focus on. Getting over someone is hard to do. Time usually does help, but after 3 years, I can see your frustration...
Also, I'm not sure if you're still in contact with her, or if you see her around town, or share common friends... but if you are able to cut off all ties with her as much as possible, you should do this. It takes so much longer to get over an ex if you're still maintaining some kind of contact with them... even exchanging a few emails here and there can prevent healing and moving on.
Quote by Dancing_Doll
Javier, have you tried dating other people during these 3 years?
I know its probably a bad idea to start dating until you've made peace with the situation with your ex and "cleared the emotional cobwebs", but I'm just wondering if you've been able to get back out there and start meeting new people that might help you realize there are lots of potentially exciting new adventures to take.
Its possible that you might be idealizing your past relationship, and even who she was as a person as time goes forward. That often happens after a significant time away from a relationship. All of a sudden you start to explain away or ignore the issues that led to your separation and only remember the good times. I know I've done this before.
Also, going back to an ex can be tempting, but it very rarely works out the second or third time around.
Its great that you're trying to distract yourself with new things to focus on. Getting over someone is hard to do. Time usually does help, but after 3 years, I can see your frustration...
Also, I'm not sure if you're still in contact with her, or if you see her around town, or share common friends... but if you are able to cut off all ties with her as much as possible, you should do this. It takes so much longer to get over an ex if you're still maintaining some kind of contact with them... even exchanging a few emails here and there can prevent healing and moving on.
During those 3 years we have kept contact , but only as friends, and I had a few one-night stands with other women, but just on purely experimental basis, to see it "something" happened.
But no, things dont get better...well, now I am able to bable some Danish, lol.
But you are right about contact preventing healing. I promise myself over and over not to check her facebook again, but I do, and that really kills me.
Constant Gardener
Remove any and all photos or mementos you might have in your possession. Put that shit in a box and find a dumpster. Toss it and have a toast - to ghosts buried.
Delete it all from your computer. Hell, remove harddrive and place it in an oven at 450 degrees for two hours, then toss that fucker in a dumpster too. $70 will get you a newer, faster hard drive and piece of mind.
Put that baggage up in the attic or some closet you will rarely frequent.
Any love letter or note or conversation traded = trashcan.
Don't check out their FB or MySpace or any other website you might see them at. That's stalking and that's not what you want to do with your life, is it?
If you're still having thoughts creeping into your mind about anything to do with an ex...then you are still having a tenuous relationship with that person, in your mind. The worst place you can have such a relationship.
You'll never be fully healed enough to even think about dating or starting any possible new friendship/relationship(s) with anyone else.
jmo
Delete it all from your computer. Hell, remove harddrive and place it in an oven at 450 degrees for two hours, then toss that fucker in a dumpster too. $70 will get you a newer, faster hard drive and piece of mind.
Put that baggage up in the attic or some closet you will rarely frequent.
Any love letter or note or conversation traded = trashcan.
Don't check out their FB or MySpace or any other website you might see them at. That's stalking and that's not what you want to do with your life, is it?
If you're still having thoughts creeping into your mind about anything to do with an ex...then you are still having a tenuous relationship with that person, in your mind. The worst place you can have such a relationship.
You'll never be fully healed enough to even think about dating or starting any possible new friendship/relationship(s) with anyone else.
jmo
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Alpha Blonde
Yup.. this is what its taking 3 years...
The worst breakup I had to get over was one where we still share close common friends and move in similar social circles. And the internet can be an endless source of ways to check up on the person.
You have to go 'cold-turkey' and cut things off with a surgeon's precision until you have made peace with the situation and have moved on completely. And even then, it may not be advisable if you have gone to such a state of emotional intensity with a person. This was the case for me at least.
I removed him from my facebook friends list. I stopped asking friends for updates, and asked them to stop telling me things (which they had gotten in the habit of doing, even when it was things like "he misses you" etc). I also avoided any parties/weddings/bars that I knew he would be at for a period of time until he was totally out of my system.
It can be done... but its kind of like trying to quit smoking, but still sneaking a drag here and there...
I admire the people that can "be friends" right after a relationship ends, but if it was an intense or volatile one with hurt feelings...I think a period of total separation is important to allow proper healing...
Good luck with things... its a tough one...
The worst breakup I had to get over was one where we still share close common friends and move in similar social circles. And the internet can be an endless source of ways to check up on the person.
You have to go 'cold-turkey' and cut things off with a surgeon's precision until you have made peace with the situation and have moved on completely. And even then, it may not be advisable if you have gone to such a state of emotional intensity with a person. This was the case for me at least.
I removed him from my facebook friends list. I stopped asking friends for updates, and asked them to stop telling me things (which they had gotten in the habit of doing, even when it was things like "he misses you" etc). I also avoided any parties/weddings/bars that I knew he would be at for a period of time until he was totally out of my system.
It can be done... but its kind of like trying to quit smoking, but still sneaking a drag here and there...
I admire the people that can "be friends" right after a relationship ends, but if it was an intense or volatile one with hurt feelings...I think a period of total separation is important to allow proper healing...
Good luck with things... its a tough one...
Quote by Dancing_Doll
Yup.. this is what its taking 3 years...
The worst breakup I had to get over was one where we still share close common friends and move in similar social circles. And the internet can be an endless source of ways to check up on the person.
You have to go 'cold-turkey' and cut things off with a surgeon's precision until you have made peace with the situation and have moved on completely. And even then, it may not be advisable if you have gone to such a state of emotional intensity with a person. This was the case for me at least.
I removed him from my facebook friends list. I stopped asking friends for updates, and asked them to stop telling me things (which they had gotten in the habit of doing, even when it was things like "he misses you" etc). I also avoided any parties/weddings/bars that I knew he would be at for a period of time until he was totally out of my system.
It can be done... but its kind of like trying to quit smoking, but still sneaking a drag here and there...
I admire the people that can "be friends" right after a relationship ends, but if it was an intense or volatile one with hurt feelings...I think a period of total separation is important to allow proper healing...
Good luck with things... its a tough one...
Haha, yeah facebook is a killer. I had an ex that added and removed about five times. Right after a breakup, its horrible. You contantly check your x's realtionship status and pics to see who she's with.
Wow I was just like that when I broke up with my first love for I caught her having another boyfriend. I always view her friendster account and check on her status, every time I could see "In a relationship" I could feel my heart being squeezed lol. I got over her after three years.
They are right, cut any connections between you and her, stay away from those stuffs that could make you reminded of her. I did it exactly
so you better tell yourself to avoid Fb or any site wherein you could be tempted to have a glance of her for a while.
With that, stay on the reality that she would never come back again, take away any hope that she'll be coming back. Face the truth and feel the pain until you get numb.(It worked for me:)) hmm. the song OVER YOU by Cris Daughtry helped me a lot.
If you are a christian I suggest you read the book HOW TO MEND A BROKEN HEART.
Good luck to you buddy.
They are right, cut any connections between you and her, stay away from those stuffs that could make you reminded of her. I did it exactly
so you better tell yourself to avoid Fb or any site wherein you could be tempted to have a glance of her for a while.With that, stay on the reality that she would never come back again, take away any hope that she'll be coming back. Face the truth and feel the pain until you get numb.(It worked for me:)) hmm. the song OVER YOU by Cris Daughtry helped me a lot.
If you are a christian I suggest you read the book HOW TO MEND A BROKEN HEART.
Good luck to you buddy.
I feel for you. Maybe time is ultimate healer which doesn't help in the interim.
My wife had a relationship with a woman after 16 years of marriage to me. I never saw it coming. It was very painful for a long time but time eventually did the trick. While the days and worst still nights drag you have to keep really busy, occupied in some way, sorry what I meant was you may find it helpful if you can manage it, - I found that I gradually filled the sudden void little by little. If problems are big, sometimes there appears no hope of a solution, break manageable bits off it and its less daunting.Good luck
I wonder if anyone would mind passing comment for me - I like to help people but worry about doing the opposite when fragile emotions are involved. I want to tell people how i've resolved matters, but i'm aware the same may not work for them. All i want to know is not particularly if the gist of my words are ok, but the tone, maybe both, christ ive lost my confidence and now im hijacking the question for my own purposes.
it could be worse, you could be in the same state as me.
My wife had a relationship with a woman after 16 years of marriage to me. I never saw it coming. It was very painful for a long time but time eventually did the trick. While the days and worst still nights drag you have to keep really busy, occupied in some way, sorry what I meant was you may find it helpful if you can manage it, - I found that I gradually filled the sudden void little by little. If problems are big, sometimes there appears no hope of a solution, break manageable bits off it and its less daunting.Good luck
I wonder if anyone would mind passing comment for me - I like to help people but worry about doing the opposite when fragile emotions are involved. I want to tell people how i've resolved matters, but i'm aware the same may not work for them. All i want to know is not particularly if the gist of my words are ok, but the tone, maybe both, christ ive lost my confidence and now im hijacking the question for my own purposes.
it could be worse, you could be in the same state as me.
Quote by WellMadeMale
Remove any and all photos or mementos you might have in your possession. Put that shit in a box and find a dumpster. Toss it and have a toast - to ghosts buried.
Delete it all from your computer. Hell, remove harddrive and place it in an oven at 450 degrees for two hours, then toss that fucker in a dumpster too. $70 will get you a newer, faster hard drive and piece of mind.
Put that baggage up in the attic or some closet you will rarely frequent.
Any love letter or note or conversation traded = trashcan.
Don't check out their FB or MySpace or any other website you might see them at. That's stalking and that's not what you want to do with your life, is it?
If you're still having thoughts creeping into your mind about anything to do with an ex...then you are still having a tenuous relationship with that person, in your mind. The worst place you can have such a relationship.
You'll never be fully healed enough to even think about dating or starting any possible new friendship/relationship(s) with anyone else.
jmo
=d> Brilliant advice, wow I feel like you just massaged the tension in my shoulder's as I was thinking about all the ex's I've clung onto for far too long!!!!'I'm on top of the world now' Think I'll have a material personal possession clear out in my bedroom. :d/