Serious question. My pat answer would be "If you're even considering it, then it's time." But... fuck. You've got history together, you've got investments made and lives created... how do you know the grass really IS greener on the other side? Can you tell if you're chasing a pipe dream? Is it better to just be "safe", even if you're not happy?
How the FUCK do you decide these things?
As long as I still loved him and there was no kind of abuse happening, I'd stay and put every effort into working things out. I'd much rather work on the problems I've got than go out and get a whole new set.
Well... I realize that I can't go into all the details of a 20-year-long relationship here, but the bottom line is: I feel like I haven't been myself for... years. I don't even know how long ago it was that I started feeling this way. Four years ago when I found out she had cheated on me? Maybe even before that.
We have all the accoutrements of a modern life - house, child, mortgage, bills. We've been together so long that it's damn near impossible to see my life without her in it. If we split up, I think I'd be constantly worried about her. She has medical conditions that will never be over. I take care of her as much as I can, which sometimes seems like it's not enough. We haven't been intimate since... well, it's been a while. I have a hard time talking things over with her, because she likes to take things that I haven't said and put them into my mouth. She likes to take things that I HAVE said, but use them the wrong way, or only use half the sentence, forgetting the other half (which actually carries the true meaning of my words). I just can't win with her, in any way.
Hanging around here on Lush tends to open my eyes somewhat. I've met a bunch of really nice people here. I've met a couple folks that are absolutely sensational - people I think I'd really get along with if we ever met. It's opened my eyes to how much I really miss interacting with people. I haven't had a group of friends to just hand out with since she and I got married.
If we split up... I don't know. I just don't know how life would be. I'd worry about her, and worry about my daughter. I'd always wonder how they were doing, and if anything bad ever happened to them I'd blame myself for not being there, for not preventing it. Christ. I just... don't know.
All I can tell is what I did.
I asked myself, "Would you really be happier alone?"
Eventually, I said, "Yes."
Sometimes in life we forget how bless we are because we look so long on the things that is not yet in our reach. I mean I'm also guilty of that, but when you really apply the saying "Be thankful for small blessings" you'll see a miracle in your life. Although we get bugged down by everyday things like problems and life gets a bit hazy, but at the end of it all there is still blessing to be found.
Though you find it hard to say goodbye to them and leave the place because you have shared many memories but deep within you realize you have another journey to partake and life goes on after that. In every journey that you make the hardest thing for you to do is leave the place and the people behind because you know when you come home you surely be missing them much and you also leave a part of you behind. But as they say life moves on and flows like a river.
For me it was looking at where we would end up. The picture was not pretty. It wasn't from a lack of trying either. In and out of counseling during the toughest times. There was a time I called it quits when the kids were young, but he persuaded me to change my mind. I don't regret that since I know the girls would have resented me for it. I would rather pay for their counseling when they got older and them knowing we gave it our all. There were times I was tempted to stray when sex seemed the last thing on his mind the last couple years. I just found other ways to meet those needs and remain faithful to him. I would not compare my situation with yours since our marriage looks like a cake walk to yours. You are the one who has to live with your decisions and deal with the ripple effect on those around you. I think that it why I waited so long to lesson those ripple effects. I am glad I finally made the decision and am enjoying life again.
and if you are the best of luck. I'm young but I know sometimes relationships hit a brick wall
i'm sure you'll get some great opinons here on lush but it all comes down to whats in your heart.
