I am creating this topic because I have been (in my opinion) cheated on. Here is the scenario...
My bf dated a girl (let's just call her SKANK for short) just prior to meeting me. They continued to be friends after they broke up with no problem from me, until she pestered him with questions about OUR relationship... hinting that it wouldn't last (JSYK we're approaching two years now). I told him that her comments upset me and said that she was trying to ruin our relationship for no apparent purpose... since she was the one to end THEIR relationship, not him. His response was to delete her from his messenger list and not talk to her anymore.
About a month ago I found that he had sent her an email asking about how she was. Seemingly innocent, but after knowing how I felt about it, I was pissed to say the least. I questioned him about it and he became VERY defensive... asking why I was 'getting into his business'. I was not snooping, but HE had asked me to put his email account on my phone and, I guess unbeknownst to him, I received notifications when emails were received AND sent. We fought and then made up with what I thought was the understanding that he wouldn't talk to her anymore.
Sunday night while lying in bed, I happened to notice that he was chatting with someone... and with WHO. I'll give you three guesses, but you'll only need one. I started crying and he asked me what was wrong. Bawling, I asked why he was talking to her... to which he EXPLODED and, bitching, stated that he would just delete the whole messenger program, and then stopped talking to me.
He didn't talk to me the whole next day, but he definitely didn't delete the program and was certainly chatting away the entire time. That night (Monday) after he fell asleep, I got on the computer and looked into his chat logs and discovered the entire conversation.
Suffice it to say that he was propositioned, and then he did the propositioning, stating that, "If we do anything it will be no strings attached, is that ok with you?"
Even though nothing was done physically, I still feel betrayed and am having a hard time coming to terms and even deciding what my next step should be...
This is where you, dear Lush friends, come in... Any advice? Is this cheating? Should I stay? How do I go about forgiving him if I DO stay?
Ling
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What is cheating?
Sorry, just a few more things came to mind... it gets convoluted at times.
The next day when we talked about it (after I knew what had happened) he swore that they were just friends and that she had a boyfriend (which she emphatically said that she did not). So now, not only is he a cheater, but he's a liar as well.
And should I let him know that I know about his convo with her?
Ling
The next day when we talked about it (after I knew what had happened) he swore that they were just friends and that she had a boyfriend (which she emphatically said that she did not). So now, not only is he a cheater, but he's a liar as well.
And should I let him know that I know about his convo with her?
Ling
Ling, I'm sorry to hear all that is happening in your life. You answered your own question:
It's gone past what you saw or heard. The point is mute whether it's "cheating". What he's doing is unacceptable, no matter what you call it. You've seen enough and made up your mind. Now you have to figure out what you want to do. You have to look out for your own self and happiness. This guy will keep lying and telling you he's quitting, when he's not. You've seen the pattern.
I think it's like the saying,"better single and happy, than together and miserable." Good luck, Ling. You're strong. You can get through this.
So now, not only is he a cheater, but he's a liar as well.
It's gone past what you saw or heard. The point is mute whether it's "cheating". What he's doing is unacceptable, no matter what you call it. You've seen enough and made up your mind. Now you have to figure out what you want to do. You have to look out for your own self and happiness. This guy will keep lying and telling you he's quitting, when he's not. You've seen the pattern.
I think it's like the saying,"better single and happy, than together and miserable." Good luck, Ling. You're strong. You can get through this.
Constant Gardener
Quote by Ling-Li
So now, not only is he a cheater, but he's a liar as well.
And should I let him know that I know about his convo with her?
I experienced much the same thing, nearly 10 years ago. I chose to let that woman know that I knew she was both a cheater and a liar, and how I knew this.
I did so in a calm, low and unemotional voice.
I did it with a heavy heart as I did care for her, but I had to acknowledge to myself that she had lied to me not just once, but three times in two weeks...and she was cheating on me (and planning to again).
I then threw a $20 bill on the floor of her living room, as I walked out of her house, and then hugged both her 9 year old son and her 7 year old daughter, who were outside playing basketball. I climbed in my vehicle and never called her back, nor answered her few calls to me.
If you don't think you can handle the conversation with him, it might be best to just split cleanly and pick up the good pieces of your life and move on.
It will take time to get over him, but eventually you'll regain your own self-respect a lot quicker - and that is the most important aspect of this whole situation now. He doesn't care about you, so you - have to care about you.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Ling
You DESERVE to have a partner that respects you, is loyal to you and is faithful - in all regards.
To be with a liar or a cheater means that all you do and all you experience is not the REAL TRUTH ... it's based on the liar or cheater's illusions. Don't live in illusion - live authentically. I promise you, authenticity is far better and respectful to your soul. You'll thank yourself for having self-respect!
With my best thoughts for a wonderful outcome for you ....
Van
You DESERVE to have a partner that respects you, is loyal to you and is faithful - in all regards.
To be with a liar or a cheater means that all you do and all you experience is not the REAL TRUTH ... it's based on the liar or cheater's illusions. Don't live in illusion - live authentically. I promise you, authenticity is far better and respectful to your soul. You'll thank yourself for having self-respect!
With my best thoughts for a wonderful outcome for you ....
Van
Active Ink Slinger
To me anything that someone wouldnt show or let their partner see is something to be wary of and ANYTHING that upsets one partner is something the other partner should stop immediatly.
I have very recently dicovered my partners affair. I was wary and suspicious for a while and it was things like hidden msn conversations, texts and emails that had me suspicious and got him found out.
While i have been suspicious i have asked if anything was going on, my partner tried everything from lavishing me with attention to acting like i was being daft and to falling out with me to try to covince me otherwise but obviously it was all part of the act. I worshiped my partner and i was very understanding about his friendship with his ex (they have a child) so i think i tried to believe him because i didnt really want it to be true that he could do anything to hurt me but i couldnt shake off the feeling that something was going on.
Looking back and thinking about my experience i would advise you to just go with your instinct. If your gut is telling you something isnt quite right then it probably isnt and you need to try to decide what step to take next. If hes fighting so hard to try make you believe that nothing is going on then maybe he never will admit to anything and you might have to decide if you want to act without evidence of anything.
I have very recently dicovered my partners affair. I was wary and suspicious for a while and it was things like hidden msn conversations, texts and emails that had me suspicious and got him found out.
While i have been suspicious i have asked if anything was going on, my partner tried everything from lavishing me with attention to acting like i was being daft and to falling out with me to try to covince me otherwise but obviously it was all part of the act. I worshiped my partner and i was very understanding about his friendship with his ex (they have a child) so i think i tried to believe him because i didnt really want it to be true that he could do anything to hurt me but i couldnt shake off the feeling that something was going on.
Looking back and thinking about my experience i would advise you to just go with your instinct. If your gut is telling you something isnt quite right then it probably isnt and you need to try to decide what step to take next. If hes fighting so hard to try make you believe that nothing is going on then maybe he never will admit to anything and you might have to decide if you want to act without evidence of anything.
I greatly appreciate everyone's input. I have decided to stay for the moment (for a variety of reasons) but I have taken steps to keep track of those things he does and says on the computer.
I anticipate that not too far into the future I will be having a heart to heart with him, but with much more evidence than just one chat session which he could conceivably write off as 'I was just pissed at you'.
I will keep you apprised.
Ling
I anticipate that not too far into the future I will be having a heart to heart with him, but with much more evidence than just one chat session which he could conceivably write off as 'I was just pissed at you'.
I will keep you apprised.
Ling
i think you chooses to do the right thing for the moment, by staying and waiting for a very concrete evidence or should i say a very conclusive evidence before you do the final decision.. although those persuasive evidences already are alredy there..
goodluck to you ling.. hoping the prob will end soon
goodluck to you ling.. hoping the prob will end soon