Hi, I'm KJ. I'm 34, married, and have been really coming to terms with my sexual identity. I'm absolutely positive I'm straight -- I've never met a guy I've been sexually attracted to, I don't emotionally connect with men the way I do women. But with my therapist of 4 years and I have been discussing the psychology behind a buried submissive side, and strong feminine side (My dad was an alcoholic and was aggressive with me from an early age). I love anal play, and have secretly bought anal toys -- prostate massager, medium plug, decent size dildo -- and use them every so often, like a special thing. I love it, and I love anal sex fantasies: dominant anal sex with sexy women, or myself being a sub receiving anal from a woman with a strap on, or even a faceless, imagined guy.
Anyway, I'm nervous to tell my wife about this, because I think we as a society are accepting that women could have both sides (fem/masculine; sub/dom) and are more fluid in their sexuality, yet both women and men prefer thinking their men are "men" and not submissive, not feminine. I'm certain many women here on Lush are naturally more open minded like that, but I'm wonder what anyone thinks on the subject overall.
I'm really interested in this. I'd love to hear your thoughts...
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straight guy; sexual identity
Active Ink Slinger
my wife knows i enjoy anal play, rimming and I use toys. I have even let her use our strap-on on me and have told her I have a curiousity about what a real cock inside my ass would feel like , she seems to like the idea she has asked me if I would suck a cock too. That I am not sure on,as you said a guy doesn't turn me on but a nice hard cock is exciting.
So if you are open with your wife she might like the idea, be honest I hope the best for you.
So if you are open with your wife she might like the idea, be honest I hope the best for you.
Detention Seeker
Tell your wife there's a lot of guys who are totally straight but enjoy this.
Active Ink Slinger
I think all genders are to a degree bi-sexual we would probably be unlivable without the mix but on this particular issue I think that same gender sex has a sort of - even now, a fantasy attraction the very part being attractive in itself.
Active Ink Slinger
I think you need to be careful. We don't know your wife, but you do. Yes, in our society sexual preferences shouldn't matter. But they do. If you tell her, you have to be ready for whatever reaction she may have. She may totally love the idea because she loves you. She may also be turned off by it a lot, she could be very angry. What does your therapist say about telling her?
What's more important, living out your sexual fantasies and possibly your true self? Or keeping your marriage and family intact? While both may be possible, it's also possible that you will have to sacrifice one or the other. Either choice could be costly to you as a person.
Is there anyway to kinda dance around the issue. Maybe have a female strap-on fucking a guy in a porn you watch, judge her reaction? Hint around at it? When she blows you, does she play with your ass? Would she play with your ass?
What's more important, living out your sexual fantasies and possibly your true self? Or keeping your marriage and family intact? While both may be possible, it's also possible that you will have to sacrifice one or the other. Either choice could be costly to you as a person.
Is there anyway to kinda dance around the issue. Maybe have a female strap-on fucking a guy in a porn you watch, judge her reaction? Hint around at it? When she blows you, does she play with your ass? Would she play with your ass?
When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
thanks, lafayette. that's all exactly it. I can't tell her now. our marriage isn't ready for it. I'm afraid she's traditional, despite what she says, but will lose a lot of respect for a man who wants to take on the submissive, receiving role. And honestly, I really enjoy doing to myself every so often.It's not like a compulsion or anything. just an aspect, but it's weirded me out that its secret. maybe it's ok to have secrets. maybe we all do, and only some of us realize it. ...or something like that. basically, i don't want to think about it.