Sarcastic Coffee Aficionado
In my humble opinion, I think it is more dependent on who you are telling and gauging how they are going to respond.
For a friend of mine, he "came out" at a big gathering. No one was shocked, probably because most of us figured it out already. But to actual say to those he cared for "hey, I am gay .... I hope you still love me" was important for him. Even his macho dad came around after about 3 years of ignoring the situation. His father has said about my friends life-partner, I couldn't ask for a better son-in-law.
Most people have an idea when someone is gay. Believe me.
When my daughter told me in her high school years that she "liked girls more than guys", it honestly did not faze me one bit. I have hoped that I raised my children to not see a difference in a person's skin colour, religious beliefs, sexual preference or gender .... but to look at a person as an individual with spirit and soul. Now, my daughter's father was not too pleased and has suggested this is just a phase numerous times. He'll get over it.
I am sorry your mom feels this way about you and your sexual preference ("I love you, but I will never approve of your choice!") ... it's not about a choice ... it's about living in your authentic soul.
You are at an age now, where you can live your life for yourself .... you don't need to apologize or change who you are, because when you start to do that, you will lose yourself and hate yourself in the end.
*hugs you* .... Authenticity is very important in living a full life.
PA
xo
Thought you might have had more responses by now, but I just wanted to let you know....congratulations!
On your courage, and honesty. I often think about my kid and my friend's/relations kids, and how they would handle this. Thus far, not so good, like your mom. One thing to remember, if you have not already, would I "choose" or "prefer" this unsteady step in my life, if it were not who and what I truly am?
All the best dude. You might wanna shop around and see if there are other Gay/Lesbian groups around you, that can shed more light on this for you, if you need it.
Thanks for the advice so far.
It's not an easy decision to come out but with a more enlightened country it has eased some in the past few years. I came out and was fortunate enough to have relatives and friends that supported my decision even in the face of criticism from others outside my circle. You need support at this critical juncture in your life mre than ever. Just be strong and prepared for the slings and arrows that will be thrown at you by those who oppose your convictions.
As clearly stated above, there is nothing wrong with being gay, and you have my sympathies for your mother not accepting it. I'm happy that my kids (and yours too, if you decide to have them) can grow up in a society where it is alright to be homosexual.
In regards to the process, it can depend on who you are. Judging by what you posted, I would make the assumption that you are very nervous about the whole process, but I encourage you not to be. Your closest friends will accept you for who you are, and those who don't can be replaced or given an ultimatum. I know it sounds harsh, but having people around you who don't accept such a major part of you will only bring you down.
Coming here to Lush was a good idea, because you can express yourself without fear of direct backlash. Your safe behind a computer, and not to mention that the community at Lush is more than warm. We accept you--and all like you--regardless of the face behind the picture. As for the next step? Try visiting sites and groups that are based around the gay/lesbian community, and explain yourself there. I have several friends who are gay, and they've all said that talking about it online helped their confidence, so I see it as a good place to go next.
I'm not gay myself, so I don't know how it feels to be so nervous about something like this, but take a deep breath and stay calm. There's a whole world out there, and believe it or not, there's more support than hate. Don't be afraid to show who you are.
"Be yourself, because the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
I think the reaction often depends on the environment and how liberal it is. Coming out might shock people living in a small conservative town or community that revolves in some way around the Church. It might still be seen as something to hide or ignore for a certain generation that probably has little direct experience with the gay lifestyle and probably still defers to stereotypes of negative assumptions.
Living in a major city, dealing with reaction to coming out is probably going to be more along the lines of "oh ok - great". Nobody looks twice at a gay couple (either male or female) walking hand in hand in the street. I'd think that family and friends would probably follow with this more liberal, open attitude. I work in an industry that has a solid representation from the gay and bisexual community and everyone is very comfortable being openly who they are, without fear of judgement or raised eyebrows. My city has a very strong gay community, and with things like Pride Parades and celebrations and a cool, trendy area of the city that is probably about 80% gay, I think it's done a lot to give the average conservative straight person enough exposure to the community to realize that other than sexual orientation - they're just regular people like everyone else.
I think tides are changing and aside from smaller religious communities, each generation will become more open and accepting and make it easier for people to come out to their family and friends.
It's hard to imagine how a family could prefer that their child hide who they really are or be made to feel like it's not acceptable or desired to just be themselves. I can't imagine how frustrating that must feel. Honestly, I think moving to a location that has a strong gay community that's supportive would be ideal - they become like a second family in some ways. Then over time, as your family sees that you're happy, settled and confident in who you are - they should hopefully come around to seeing your happiness as the most important factor. Sometimes it just takes time for them to understand that it's not a phase and to get to the point of acceptance - I think it's just a process.
I know a few openly gay guys ... and perhaps the only thing I can say is that you are a child of the universe. Made of stardust from exploding Super Nova .. as are all of us and every living thing on our planet. Be what you are and don't be ashamed of it or think you have to justify your existence to anyone - not even ... and perhaps in particular ... your mother.
