I was married before for 5 years, and we never wanted kids. So we didn't.
B (2nd wife) and I have been together 23 years now and have 3 kids; 1 before me meet, 1 not of my knowing (she tricked me) and I we planned. I never should of had kids. I understand the noise and freedom. And I love my kids, but B and I never had just 'US'. I look forward to the days it will be just us and visits from the kids.
Bat
IMHO I believe that it is wrong to have a child you really don't want to have just to please your partner. You said plow that you were afraid that she was going to resent you if you did not give her one but correct me if I'm wrong you could also end up resenting her for having them and not really wanting to.
You should always be true to your own feelings. If the one child is already here and you feel the way that you do.....you are going to feel ten times worse if you have another one. Also think about the children and how they feel. Many people think that they can hide their feelings real well but kids pick up on everything. Its not fair to have a child that did not ask to come to this world to feel unwanted.
I tell any person that I am with how I feel about not having children and that I won't budge on that issue and I tell them up front because if it's a deal breaker at least I have put everything on the table in the beginning. I have ended relationships for that reason in the past.
Communication is key Plow.......good luck.
"Love all, trust a few, and do wrong to none."
I think it's time for a real heart to heart, MrP Out of earshot of the little one. Tell her although you love her, you really didn't want any and how you feel about it now. It very well may be a deal breaker for her and you may end up a weekend father but, that's the risk you're going to have to take otherwise you will be miserable the rest of your life with her.
My partner in crime and I have had that discussion in the past. Neither one wanted any and now we are so glad we don't have them. We travel whenever we want, eat, drink whenever we want, etc. Selfish? Perhaps but, Why make ourselves miserable just because "time is running out".
I didn't mean that you should, Hon. What I meant was that you're going to have to be straight with her and it may piss her off so much that she wants out.
Tech Moddess AKA Danger Kat ;)
You can have the kind of fun you used to if you are willing to:
1. Communicate with each other.
2. Hire a babysitter once a week or trade sitting favors with a neighbor.
3. Take the time to be creative.
4. Flirt with each other during the week.
5. Laugh together.
Marriage is hard work, it gets harder after you have kids. But hey, some day they will take care of you when you are old.
Seriously...it's not impossible to reclaim your former selves...but it does take much effort. Treat it like a game and it will seem less like work and more like fun.
Whatever happens, good luck, Plow.
You're right sweet_escape. I've tried to change my focus of late. I have a lot of stress at work and homelife and things just hit breaking point. I love them both dearly.
Thanks as well Roccotool.
It's good to use this place as a anonymous sounding board.
well ... I am coming into the discussion a bit late ... and apparently the deal is baby #2 is close at hand.
my humble opinion is that bringing children into the world is larger proposition than any one every imagine BEFORE they have that baby. Then, when baby #2 arrives, you wonder if you will EVER have your own life again. (I know, I have 2).
then, half of us married folks end up divorced and weekend parents. That is when the real resentments can start. And, of the half of the folks with children that stay married, for what ever reasons (financial, the children, etc), they choose to be UNHAPPILY married with children.
I don't get it, mostly because I want to "hopefully" lead by example with my own children, that relationships take a lot of work on both sides and that a normal relationship is healthy, respectful, loving, caring without the resentment, arguments and dislike.
But ... as my grandfather once told me ... you can only work with the tools you have ...
Best of luck to your growing family ....
This one's a minefield to navigate for sure. When I realized I was in love with hubby, but not quite sure about if together forever was going to happen, we sat down for a loooong talk, and the issue was offspring. I told him flatout I was NOT ready at 29, but there was no doubt that I wanted a child some day, and if he had any doubts or uncertainty about kids, then I was going to break it off right then to save each of us the heartbreak. He assured me that he wasn't ready yet, either, but that some day a kid or kids would be just fine with him. (ten years was a tad longer than either of us anticipated, but oh well...) Although my field is far different, anyone considering marriage should REALLY work this one out before they say I do.
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." - Groucho Marx
a Mr Plow Jnr around 23rd December 
