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Monogamy... what is it to you and can two people live it happily.
Artistic Tart
In my opinion, monogamy means that you're only with that same person, and that person is only with you. What does it mean to be 'with' somebody? Well, that's different for every couple, but I think for most, it means sex.
Can two people live happily that way? Of course they can, but I think by far most don't. I don't know, or see, or hear about that many happy married couples. I see a lot of unhappiness, a lot who feel trapped, a lot of desperation and people who feel defeated. I think we weren't meant to be monogamous by nature and it's hard to be satisfied that way- there is almost always the urge to try something new.
I don't know that much and haven't lived that long, but I'm always watching things around me, and I talk to a lot of guys, and not just a few women too. I know there are happily married monogamous couples- I have a good friend here who tells me she's in a great marriage- but I think they are very much the minority.
Can two people live happily that way? Of course they can, but I think by far most don't. I don't know, or see, or hear about that many happy married couples. I see a lot of unhappiness, a lot who feel trapped, a lot of desperation and people who feel defeated. I think we weren't meant to be monogamous by nature and it's hard to be satisfied that way- there is almost always the urge to try something new.
I don't know that much and haven't lived that long, but I'm always watching things around me, and I talk to a lot of guys, and not just a few women too. I know there are happily married monogamous couples- I have a good friend here who tells me she's in a great marriage- but I think they are very much the minority.
Alpha Blonde
Traditional monogamy is a commitment (both emotionally and sexually) to another person, exclusive to anyone else.
Now, is that a natural state for most human beings? No.
In the animal world, strict monogamy is almost unheard of... even pair-bonded animals have flings on the side. And there are only 3-5% of mammals who 'pair bond' at all.
And yes, I know we are not animals (most of us anyways).
But I don't understand why many people cannot get over the difference between love and sex. Yes, sex is an intimate act, but there are sexual urges and desire for variety that have nothing to do with a real emotional and psychological connection that you can have with one person that supersedes all others (ie. love).
Like LadyX, I don't know a lot of couples that are exceptionally happy when they are confined by the limitations of traditional monogamy. At least not after 2 years of the same thing. Eventually sexual boredom does set in for most couples, unless they venture outside the box.
I know a lot of cheaters (more than monogamous types to be honest), and I'm not a proponent of deception... after all, how can you have that authentic emotional connection with someone if you're constantly sneaking around?
My ideal kind of relationship is non-traditional monogamy where you have the emotional/psychological commitment to one person, but you are both free to experiment in a kind of open sexual relationship (where you create your own rules as a couple beforehand). Once you remove the "deceptive" element of sex outside your marriage/relationship, then it just becomes an extension of your connection to each other. And I think that can make for a healthy and realistic long-term relationship! We just have to get beyond the traditional confines of what our society says is the ideal promise to be 'faithful' and 'forsaking all others'. What that really amounts to for most couples is setting yourself up for total failure.
For those who say "I have never cheated"... I think you just haven't had the "right" opportunity. If given the opportunity to be with someone you were sexually attracted to and no chance of getting caught, how many could honestly say they would never do it. And maybe not now if you're in the beginnings of a new, thrilling, "idealistic" relationship... but never say never.
I do think women tend to be more inclined to "traditional monogamy" than men, but we also have all that indoctrination and brainwashing early on from fairytales, white-picket fences, and general social messaging. But those type of women are more likely to cheat for the emotional/psychological experience, rather than for the sexual.
I just think society needs to "reprogram" the whole concept of monogamy... Maybe that would help keep the divorce rate down, and create longer lasting (and happier and more fulfilling) relationships!
Now, is that a natural state for most human beings? No.
In the animal world, strict monogamy is almost unheard of... even pair-bonded animals have flings on the side. And there are only 3-5% of mammals who 'pair bond' at all.
And yes, I know we are not animals (most of us anyways).
But I don't understand why many people cannot get over the difference between love and sex. Yes, sex is an intimate act, but there are sexual urges and desire for variety that have nothing to do with a real emotional and psychological connection that you can have with one person that supersedes all others (ie. love).
Like LadyX, I don't know a lot of couples that are exceptionally happy when they are confined by the limitations of traditional monogamy. At least not after 2 years of the same thing. Eventually sexual boredom does set in for most couples, unless they venture outside the box.
I know a lot of cheaters (more than monogamous types to be honest), and I'm not a proponent of deception... after all, how can you have that authentic emotional connection with someone if you're constantly sneaking around?
My ideal kind of relationship is non-traditional monogamy where you have the emotional/psychological commitment to one person, but you are both free to experiment in a kind of open sexual relationship (where you create your own rules as a couple beforehand). Once you remove the "deceptive" element of sex outside your marriage/relationship, then it just becomes an extension of your connection to each other. And I think that can make for a healthy and realistic long-term relationship! We just have to get beyond the traditional confines of what our society says is the ideal promise to be 'faithful' and 'forsaking all others'. What that really amounts to for most couples is setting yourself up for total failure.
For those who say "I have never cheated"... I think you just haven't had the "right" opportunity. If given the opportunity to be with someone you were sexually attracted to and no chance of getting caught, how many could honestly say they would never do it. And maybe not now if you're in the beginnings of a new, thrilling, "idealistic" relationship... but never say never.
I do think women tend to be more inclined to "traditional monogamy" than men, but we also have all that indoctrination and brainwashing early on from fairytales, white-picket fences, and general social messaging. But those type of women are more likely to cheat for the emotional/psychological experience, rather than for the sexual.
I just think society needs to "reprogram" the whole concept of monogamy... Maybe that would help keep the divorce rate down, and create longer lasting (and happier and more fulfilling) relationships!
Active Ink Slinger
monogamy = comfortable but boring
Active Ink Slinger
It's always easier for me to post after someone as insightful as DD has done her thing. Well done girl, you nailed it and get my vote. 
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw