Newest Parenting Technique... Calm The Fuck Down!

19 Jul 2013

Calm The Fuck Down

I know many people want to stay current with the latest parenting trends -- attachment parenting, minimalist parenting, Tiger Mother parenting, et al. Well, I've stumbled upon a new technique that will guarantee your child grows up to be an exemplary student and citizen. It's called CTFD, which stands for "Calm The F*ck Down." And that's not a message to give your kids. It's for you.

Using CTFD assures you that -- whichever way you choose to parent -- your child will be fine (as long as you don't abuse them, of course). To see it in action, here are some sample parenting scenarios and how CTFD can be employed:

Worried your friend's child has mastered the alphabet quicker than your child? Calm the f*ck down.
Scared you're not imparting the wisdom your child will need to survive in school and beyond? Calm the f*ck down.
Concerned that you're not the type of parent you thought you'd be? Calm the f*ck down.
Upset that your child doesn't show interest in certain areas of learning? Calm the f*ck down.
Stressed that your child exhibits behavior in public you find embarrassing? Calm the f*ck down.

Yes, using the CTFD method, you'll find the pressure lifted and realize your child loves you no matter what, even if they've yet to master the alphabet. You'll also learn that whether or not you're the best parent in the world, as long as you love your child, they'll think you are and that's what matters. Plus, CTFD makes you immune to those that prey upon the fears of new parents, like pseudoscientists and parenting authors.

To use CTFD, just follow these simple steps:

Calm the f*ck down.
There is no second step.
So, ignore all those other parenting trends and stick to CTFD. You'll be glad you did and so will your kid.

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I sooo fucking agree!!!

When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates

20 Jul 2013

This made me chuckle.

But I can see its relevance and value.

Is there another technique to tackle indifferent, lazy parents?

20 Jul 2013

First of all, I've had my kids .... I succeeded in raising two healthy, smart and loving children into responsible, compassionate and respectful adults who are the light of my life and my North.

My sister and I had babies at the same time. She is 10 years older than me. The differences of our parenting was very obvious to most people. I was young and juggled my family, relationships and my work (OK - my marriage didn't survive, but that was not the fault of having children), and being a single mom ... it was crazy but I did it. My sister on the other hand, was a fulltime stay at home mum and was very focused on her children and her home.

I was calm - because I had to be .... to figure out quickly not to worry about the small stuff (like the mess that comes with kids, etc). One of my mum's advice was - they won't go to kindergarten in diapers, nor will they bring their bottle .... they will evolve - some slower, but eventually they evolve into independent people. My sister, being older ... being the eldest in our family - always figured she knew better (even if she had no experience with something).

With my sister and MANY colleagues who have had their children later (over 35) .... the trend seems to be micro-managing/parenting ... very sad for the children, and a disservice to the children. I want to say to them, beside, CTFD, "let them be kids ... marvel at what they learn ON THEIR OWN ... give them the opportunity to master/find out something on their own" .... as we well know, many people only learn by experience and all the blabbing in the world will fall on deaf ears.

and then again .... as Milly says above .... what about those fucking parents who don't give a shit .... and cannot even fathom giving their children the foundations in which to succeed in life (and success is defined as personal success and being proud of their accomplishments).

To me ... being a parent has been a privilege, a gift, and a sacrifice. I have been blessed.