Didnt you have time to do your hair and make-up?
I assume the iron is broken?
Did you get here by bus using the free pass for senior citizens?
There is a chemist two doors up if you need some steradent
Nice coat ... my dog has one just like that in his basket
By the way I hear there are some great remedies for spots these days .. just saying!
lol no wonder nobody wants to meet me on POF!!
"You're a TWIN? COOL! Bring her along next time! More of you to love!"
xx SF
"Your last name is LEWINSKY... Monica Lewinsky? Why does that seem to ring bells? Were you ever on TV?"
xx SF
"I had a BALL removed because of Testicular Cancer... So if this evening goes as I hope it will I'm telling you now it feels a bit different down there..."
xx SF
Let's just stand at the bar, my piles are killing me!
Of all our inventions for mass communication,
pictures still speak the most universally understood language.
Walt Disney Do you mind if we swing by my parole officer's after dinner? I owe him a visit . . .
How can you say you don't like roadkill if you've never eaten it before?
Would you mind stopping at the store to get me some tampons?
Wait a minute let me text my girlfriend
Don't you get discouraged with tits that small?
My friend told me you have a puny cock. After dinner could you show me. She say's its the smallest she ever saw.
"Love me, love my dog... I mean, in THAT way... He's a very attractive dog, honest..."
xx SF
HI its funny but ..well I have watched you from afar always admired you I am your biggest fan don't you fucking dare be with anyone else from here on out we are forever we are soulmates AMEN now shut the fuck up and kiss me
"I hate (insert relevant gender here)"
Want to see my collection of used bandages?
Hi! I'm Charlie Sheen...
xx SF
The test results should be in next week ... But don't worry, I haven't felt it ooze at all in days!
"Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader - not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon." -E.L. Doctorow
How much do you charge for an hour?
"I mean, all those bitches lying about Bill Cosby... BILL FUCKING COSBY, MAN! They should be GRATEFUL he drugged and fucked them!"
"What's you position on wigs, toupees, hair-pieces etc.? I mean, this ISN'T! Or is it? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"
"The BADGES? Well, THIS one means I've gone down on a menstruating woman..."
"In preparation for our first date I wrote you a poem! I'm a writer... Well, you know, I WRITE... I'm not sure I'd call myself a writer... Though others do... Here goes, it's called "You're My Last Fucking Chance At Happiness..."
"Oh... Let me... You've got a TINY piece of GRIT at the corner of your mout... Oh Shit... Hey! Moles are COOL!"
"WATCH what my 'phone can do!"
"My best friend? Wow... Probably my Goldfish, Paul... That GUY!!! THAT FUCKING GUY!!! Don't get me started on Paul, man!!! He's got this little plastic castle in his fish-bowl and he, sorry I'm laughing... He SWIMS INTO IT AND HIDES WHEN I COME INTO THE ROOM! Every Fucking Time!!! That Paul... Jesus..."
"I'm a Neurologist but I really want to fight bulls... Like in Spain? I'm not into the bull-fighting part but I love the fucking clothes those matadors wear... Sparkly, you know?"
"Let me STOP you there. You said, 'First Date'... Now, by implication you seem to be suggesting that this may be going further? I find that presumptuous... Look, eat your fucking salad for now, okay?"
"Hey, this is... Oh gosh... Look, can I just say GRACE before we eat? I just... I do that! Ah! Thank you, Charlotte... Ahem! "Goat Lord Satan of all darkness, Lucifer Lord OF SIN, may the offal we are about to consume..."
"Brave move! Short skirt, but your legs aren't great... I like, it shows CONFIDENCE... Good... Not judgement, obviously..."
xx SF
(ONE of those REALLY HAPPENED!!!)
xx SF
Oh, you have a piece of spinach stuck in your teeth and I think you should probably blow your nose.
xo
