Between being married a long time, and also being a woman, I can tell you guys that there are certain things you can do to make your wife swoon. They aren’t difficult, anyone can do them and they are some of the sexiest things I can think of…and I have quite the imagination…
So. Are you ready? Are you all that is man? Wipe that drop of drool from the corner of your mouth and read on….
Technique #1 : Wet Hands
Yep, it is the wet hands technique. Cetainly one of the most popular among most women polled for this article. So simple. So exciting. You will leave her breathless.
Fill the kitchen sink up with hot water and add a few drops of a scented dish liquid. Not too many, you don’t want it to be harsh. There are many very nice scents out now, from vanilla and lavender to grapefruit. It is completely up to you.
With a soft cloth in your hands plunge your hands into the water and get the cloth very wet.
Now, moving slowly and gently place a dish in the water and rub the cloth across the surface of it..over and over again.
Place the dish in clean rinse water and repeat until she is moaning with pleasure.
Technique #2: Vibrate Me Baby
This technique utilizes what many women think of as toys… It is a little more difficult and takes a little more muscle. Extra credit on this one if you wear a black “wife beater” shirt at the same time. Are you man enough?
Carefully pull the vacuum out of where it has been stored. You know you want to.
Plug it in and push all the right buttons.
Slowly move back and forth and back and forth across the carpet, you will know when to move to a new spot.
Move to the next spot and repeat as long as it takes to get results.
Technique #3 : The Wet T Shirt Game
This game is pretty easy, although you will have to think quickly while in the midst of gettin’ your game on. If you can handle the amount of agitation and vibration in the first few minutes you will be o.k. until the end.
You will need two piles…no I did not say poles, I said piles.
Put everything white and light colored in one and everything dark colored in the other.
Fill the washing machine with warm water and laundry soap (this is imperative…use the amount suggested by the manufacturer).
Add the light pile. Close the lid.
Write her a love letter about how great her eyes are while you are waiting for it to finish
Repeat with the dark colors except use cold water.
Quick note: If your wife is screaming “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Don’t stop what you are doing..that is called domesticus interruptus and it really is frustrating for women.
Technique #4: What Goes Up Must Come Down
This is best used as a quickie, whether in the middle of the night or during a chaotic afternoon. She can’t say no to this.
When you put the toilet seat up….put it back down.
Every time.
I know…I know.. you almost can’t take any more verbal titillation. Good thing this is a short list. This last one is amazing. It is incredible…it definitely saves the best for last.
Technique #5: Tonight It’s Oral Gratification
This will take some time to master. Work on it while using other techniques several times a week and then just expose your big secret to her when she least expects it. If you all ready know this technnique you should be using it to it’s full potential by adding to your repertoire of tricks.
Learn to cook a whole meal.
When she has had a particularly rough day run her a bath, preferably aromatic with LUSH bath stuff.
While she is bathing fix your incredible dinner (hot dogs and popcorn does not count)
While she is still relaxed from the bath and satiated with dinner proceed to technique #1.
You don;t have to thank me…no..really.
Good luck guys.
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