Why are straight people so phobic?

Quote by DanielleX

Here in the UK there is a lot of heated debate regarding gender. I don't hear about a lot of hate/prejudice directed towards gay or lesbian people tbh.

This is the same in France, we do not get some things right, on this subject we shrug and carry on. It is accepted. I have an occupation that is skewed towards gays and lesbians, maybe my worldview is different because of this.

In terms of hostility, ignorance, religion, politics take your pick.

Personally, we do what we can, we are both bisexual and in the eyes of the more politically active on both sides, we could be treated with mistrust.

I am a hypocrite because I was married for a long time and hid my bisexuality so I have flaws like many.

Even now, it is something we are discreet about. Cowardly? Maybe. Conditioning? Maybe. Wanting to enjoy life and wring every drop of happiness from it? Definitely. Are we supportive of anyone that chooses this path and wants to be truthful about their sexuality? Absolutely.

I guess there are just shit people regardless of their sexuality, religion, politics... Etc. We are not interested in them and want to be around others that do not care, or, do and want to celebrate it. We are happy with either.

I agree, I think it is a numbers game. A loss of priority, a realignment of society, a shift in perception even though it has always been with us.

Destructive people do destructive things, their choice, their life, their waste of time. I will not be a part of them doing it.

That said, if I saw anything where anyone was discriminated by their sexual preference... I know through bitter experience and I would intervene.

However, I have not seen it, charmed existence, a factor of our society, I do not know and I have not needed to.

Quote by sprite

then you are not listening very hard.

I honestly disagree. I can't answer for the USA but I don't think there is widespread homophobia in the UK. I'm not saying it doesn't exist but I think there is general acceptance. Thinking overall from my lesbian and gay friends they are not experiencing regular prejudice or hate, if at all. Definitely not saying it never happens to anyone but by and large it's not a major thing. I don't know hundreds of same sex attracted people but if there's widespread homophobia in the UK then it's being covered up by the media and victims are failing to speak out.

Quote by DanielleX

I honestly disagree. I can't answer for the USA but I don't think there is widespread homophobia in the UK. I'm not saying it doesn't exist but I think there is general acceptance. Thinking overall from my lesbian and gay friends they are not experiencing regular prejudice or hate, if at all. Definitely not saying it never happens to anyone but by and large it's not a major thing. I don't know hundreds of same sex attracted people but if there's widespread homophobia in the UK then it's being covered up by the media and victims are failing to speak out.

There absolutely is widespread homophobia in the UK. Just because it's not happening to anyone in your social sphere doesn't mean it's not happening, but I'm sure it makes it easier to assume it's not a problem. Holy shit.

Quote by DanielleX

I honestly disagree. I can't answer for the USA but I don't think there is widespread homophobia in the UK. I'm not saying it doesn't exist but I think there is general acceptance. Thinking overall from my lesbian and gay friends they are not experiencing regular prejudice or hate, if at all. Definitely not saying it never happens to anyone but by and large it's not a major thing. I don't know hundreds of same sex attracted people but if there's widespread homophobia in the UK then it's being covered up by the media and victims are failing to speak out.

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/lgbt-britain-hate-crime-and-discrimination

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/cy/lgbtq-facts-and-figures

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/dec/03/recorded-homophobic-hate-crimes-soared-in-pandemic-figures-show

Quote by Beffer

It's a mistake to generalize that straight people as a whole are LGBT phobic.

if you're not speaking up against homophobia, you are tacitly supporting it. do i believe that all straight people are homophobic? no. of course not. so, if you're not, prove it. act. be an ally. speak up when you see an incident. do the right thing. i;m not black but if i see an incident of racism, i say something. same goes with any minority. any other response is supporting racism. same goes for homophobia. am i a hard lining bitch? you betcha i am. do i want to be? not really. i'd much prefer we all get along. unfortunately, it's not a choice for me. you have to take a stand.

Quote by Buz

Everyone should treat everyone as they themselves would like to be treated.

If you give out kindness to everyone you come in contact with, you'll, by far, mostly receive kindness in return.

Try to ignore jerks being rude. Do not respond to them. I've worked hard on doing this myself over the last few years.

I do think that most of the aggression and hate aimed at transgender people is politically motivated. The same is true for that aimed at the rest of the LGBTQ community. Rightwing politicians are spewing hate to get the votes of a large undercurrent of bigotry that still exists.

no, no you won't. that's experience speaking. people who are anti-lgbtq aren't going to respond to kindness by being kind. they are are going to continue to hate and to discriminate and to perform acts of violence no matter how you treat them - and many of our leaders are fostering this mindset, sadly. they are saying that it's ok to be anti-lgbtq and that leads to more violence and more discrimination. i am done being nice. if you're coming at me with that mindset, i am not going to turn the other cheek. it's why i now own a handgun. it's why i have lost "friends". and it's why i don't put up with that shit anymore. ignoring the jerks just gives them permission to go on being jerks. fuck that shit. if they want confrontation, they are going to get confrontation.

Quote by Chryses

If the representatives you refer to only represent a minority, you would have a strong argument. As much anti-discrimination law has been legislated during the last few years, I suggest those representatives have not limited their representation to any particular minority.

I am sure we all know of incendiary language from both sides of the political spectrum.

so, in other words, your conclusion is that straights hate LGBTQ+ people. i imagine that includes you?

Quote by Chryses

I am sure we all know of incendiary language from both sides of the political spectrum.

yep. i mean, just last week, Seattle enacted a law to ban straight people from using public bathrooms. next week we're going after people not dressed in drag.

I don't think I am phobic in that way. I've always been socially awkward to a degree, so I have a manageable level of general anxiety when I'm around people, independent of them being straight, gay or lesbian or anywhere else on the LGBTQ2+ spectrum.

I remember being approached by an homosexual teenager who was 17 while I was in "secondaire 4" (the Québec equivalent of grade 10). He was Vietnamese with black hair and a nice bronze hue in his complexion.

Of course, I wasn't romantically interested, since I'm straight, but I took it more as a compliment. In my mind, having a person interested in me in that way simply meant that another person could be. This was back in 1987-88, long before anybody had heard or read the term "LGBTQ".

Back then, people were death-scared of AIDS. Movies were made about AIDS and how you could get it from someone licking your face (yeah, really), and AIDS was closely associated with gay people. Back then, people tended to be phobic of AIDS and were often phobic of homosexuals because of that association with AIDS. The dynamics were different.

This song was only two years old in '87... I heard it a lot in those 14-18 dance clubs.

That singer was gay and died of AIDS around 1995. I saw him on that videoclip at the dance club in 1986 and liked him a lot (there was a big screen in which they ran the clip while the song played). A lot of us knew he was homosexual, like many other stars. We didn't care that much. We liked the music and that was enough for us.

Having a fellow human being finding you interesting is generally a positive thing.

Quote by Chryses

Were those true, they would only be ridiculous. The serious occasions are more worrying.

such as?

Quote by Chryses

No. that is not my conclusion, although it may be yours.

of course it's not your opinion. no one likes to think that they're the issue.

I have nothing of real substance to offer, just an example of how little things are daily suffered for some of us.

There is a local park where I like to walk and photograph birds and things. I carry a pretty large camera on a tripod. Today, I stopped and set up to see if I could get some shots of a rarish bird that had been reported there yesterday. As I was standing there waiting, a woman marched up and said sharply, "I see what you're doing. If you dare take pictures of any of the children, I'll report you to the ranger, and they'll throw you in jail. Got it?" then stomped off before I could reply.

To set the scene, there is a children's play area there, but it was 30 degrees behind my left shoulder and I had never even glanced at it. I am 6' 3" tall, lean, with a pretty obvious butch hair crop. I had on my usual Orvis plaid shirt, sleeves rolled up high, long cargo shorts, knee socks and men's Merrell trail boots. So here's the thing. There were three other photographers, two men (one older, one younger) and another woman (about my age) randomly within 15 feet of me, also set up and waiting. There was nothing to indicate we were together as a group.

They got no notice from her at all, no accusation, no threat. Just me.

So how did she decide who was the perceived threat? I can think of no reason for her action except that they looked "normal" and I did not. I packed my gear and left.

This is not a new thing to me nor unusual. It's mostly a pointed look, rather than a vocal, but I get it a lot. There is nothing Sprite about me, so I just accept it as a given and plan everything I do to have as little interaction with people as possible.

Quote by sprite

why are straight people so hung up on hating LGBTQ+?

You asked, Rachel, why? And I don't have an easy answer as I can't get into that mindset. But whatever the reason, I ask myself, where is the tide going. And I like to think in our favour.

Remember my story On Oxford Street, This Gay Girl Found Pride While Playing With Balls | Lush Stories ... I believe in the ending:

"For I have accepted I have a sacred duty; to accept and carry the torch from those who have gone before, like the original 78ers, and to light the way for the next generation so their journey in love is smoother than mine.

We shall overcome."

Those in '78 in Sydney and those at Stonewall had it tough, tougher than us. On their shoulders we stand, on our shoulders, future generations will stand; and we shall surely overcome. Whatever the current state of play, the arc of history since the 1970's tells us today isn't the same.

Panglossian or overly pessimistic, what is the future? I think you are too harsh on Danielle, that she has found an accepting community is a good thing. And in France on vacation, the ambiance was as AmuseBouche reported it; supportive. I am sure, as you did with the stats on the UK, one can show that the battle isn't won, but the key for me is the direction.

This last month in Australia has been remarkable. Let me quote a lesbian writer:

"As a queer sports fan, the past few weeks have been incredible. I mean “queer sports fan” in both senses, by the way. I am queer, and I am a sports fan. I am also a fan of queer sports. Never in my 40 years of lesbian living on this Earth have I ever witnessed a more “queer sports” event than the Women’s World Cup (and I’ve played back yard cricket surrounded by butch lesbians in jorts).

According to Outsports, at least 13% of athletes who attended the WC were out, along with three head coaches. The Matildas were dubbed one of the queerest teams of the tournament, with nine first team and three reserve openly queer players. A single tear is rolling down my face as I salute a portrait of Sam Kerr.

As someone who has voluntarily watched a lot of men’s sport as well, the vibe of the World Cup was unmatched. This was for various reasons, but part of it was the effect of having an environment so completely accepting of queerness. For one, I never once felt in danger of hearing a gay slur be shouted in a crowd. It was a lovely reality to live in for a while, one where we allow athletes to be themselves and everyone is normal about it."

That's not a win, we are still playing for equality, but maybe a sign that the support of the Matildas in the straight community means the game down under is going our way.

There is nothing like having a baby to focus one's mind. It's informative to see how my mother's group has moved away from a (non-religious) mum who is so negative about the gay community that she is going to home school. I don't want my son exposed to that, he has three generations of out (well early on, not quite as out as we would like) and proud, and I want him celebrating the legacy of the gay and lesbian part of the family he's born into.

Country by country, surveys say: "At the same time, the U.S. still maintains one of the lowest rates of acceptance among the Western European and North and South American countries surveyed." I worry about the trends in the US, but I'm loath to offer an answer about a culture I have visited but never lived in. I hope my story: Never Mind the Bollocks: What’s Love Got To Do With It | Lush Stories never comes to pass.

Hugs and lots of love, my friend.

You are a wonderful advocate for what is right. Don't let the bastards get you down. ❤️

Quote by kistinspencil

I have nothing of real substance to offer, just an example of how little things are daily suffered for some of us.

There is a local park where I like to walk and photograph birds and things. I carry a pretty large camera on a tripod. Today, I stopped and set up to see if I could get some shots of a rarish bird that had been reported there yesterday. As I was standing there waiting, a woman marched up and said sharply, "I see what you're doing. If you dare take pictures of any of the children, I'll report you to the ranger, and they'll throw you in jail. Got it?" then stomped off before I could reply.

To set the scene, there is a children's play area there, but it was 30 degrees behind my left shoulder and I had never even glanced at it. I am 6' 3" tall, lean, with a pretty obvious butch hair crop. I had on my usual Orvis plaid shirt, sleeves rolled up high, long cargo shorts, knee socks and men's Merrell trail boots. So here's the thing. There were three other photographers, two men (one older, one younger) and another woman (about my age) randomly within 15 feet of me, also set up and waiting. There was nothing to indicate we were together as a group.

They got no notice from her at all, no accusation, no threat. Just me.

So how did she decide who was the perceived threat? I can think of no reason for her action except that they looked "normal" and I did not. I packed my gear and left.

This is not a new thing to me nor unusual. It's mostly a pointed look, rather than a vocal, but I get it a lot. There is nothing Sprite about me, so I just accept it as a given and plan everything I do to have as little interaction with people as possible.

kate and i are lucky, in a sense, while seattle is very liberal and queer friendly, the rest of the state of washington can take a bit of navigation. we both can easily pass - for those not in the know, that means we don't "look queer" or at least what people expect queer people to look like. when we take road trips we sometimes decide to do exactly that - pass. i don't like it. Kate doesn't like it - but sometimes personal safety comes into play. we cut don't on the PDA, not that we are overly intimate in public, but there are all those little gestures that turn a pair of friends into a couple. less and less we are willing to go this route, but still, we are mindful of our surroundings. we've had only one encounter turn to violence, but that's one too many. it turned out okay, but it does make you aware that you are a target. are vulnerable.

i am sorry you have to go through stuff like that. just continue being you - my pledge to you. no more passing. i am who i am and i'm not going to hide that anymore. thank you for inspiring me and much love to an incredible woman. keep taking pictures to share with the rest of us. thank you.

Quote by CuriousAnnie

You asked, Rachel, why? And I don't have an easy answer as I can't get into that mindset. But whatever the reason, I ask myself, where is the tide going. And I like to think in our favour.

Remember my story On Oxford Street, This Gay Girl Found Pride While Playing With Balls | Lush Stories ... I believe in the ending:

"For I have accepted I have a sacred duty; to accept and carry the torch from those who have gone before, like the original 78ers, and to light the way for the next generation so their journey in love is smoother than mine.

We shall overcome."

Those in '78 in Sydney and those at Stonewall had it tough, tougher than us. On their shoulders we stand, on our shoulders, future generations will stand; and we shall surely overcome. Whatever the current state of play, the arc of history since the 1970's tells us today isn't the same.

Panglossian or overly pessimistic, what is the future? I think you are too harsh on Danielle, that she has found an accepting community is a good thing. And in France on vacation, the ambiance was as AmuseBouche reported it; supportive. I am sure, as you did with the stats on the UK, one can show that the battle isn't won, but the key for me is the direction.

This last month in Australia has been remarkable. Let me quote a lesbian writer:

"As a queer sports fan, the past few weeks have been incredible. I mean “queer sports fan” in both senses, by the way. I am queer, and I am a sports fan. I am also a fan of queer sports. Never in my 40 years of lesbian living on this Earth have I ever witnessed a more “queer sports” event than the Women’s World Cup (and I’ve played back yard cricket surrounded by butch lesbians in jorts).

According to Outsports, at least 13% of athletes who attended the WC were out, along with three head coaches. The Matildas were dubbed one of the queerest teams of the tournament, with nine first team and three reserve openly queer players. A single tear is rolling down my face as I salute a portrait of Sam Kerr.

As someone who has voluntarily watched a lot of men’s sport as well, the vibe of the World Cup was unmatched. This was for various reasons, but part of it was the effect of having an environment so completely accepting of queerness. For one, I never once felt in danger of hearing a gay slur be shouted in a crowd. It was a lovely reality to live in for a while, one where we allow athletes to be themselves and everyone is normal about it."

That's not a win, we are still playing for equality, but maybe a sign that the support of the Matildas in the straight community means the game down under is going our way.

There is nothing like having a baby to focus one's mind. It's informative to see how my mother's group has moved away from a (non-religious) mum who is so negative about the gay community that she is going to home school. I don't want my son exposed to that, he has three generations of out (well early on, not quite as out as we would like) and proud, and I want him celebrating the legacy of the gay and lesbian part of the family he's born into.

Country by country, surveys say: "At the same time, the U.S. still maintains one of the lowest rates of acceptance among the Western European and North and South American countries surveyed." I worry about the trends in the US, but I'm loath to offer an answer about a culture I have visited but never lived in. I hope my story: Never Mind the Bollocks: What’s Love Got To Do With It | Lush Stories never comes to pass.

Hugs and lots of love, my friend.

You are a wonderful advocate for what is right. Don't let the bastards get you down. ❤️

you, as always, inspire. we followed the Matildas, btw, a little heartbroken that they didn't win it all, but damn, they had heart. i know that things are headed in the right direction, but like you said, MY country is not keeping up and that's all i really have to judge by. i still hear the gay slurs in a crowd, see the hate firsthand. see the laws that are being passed that are meant to erase us. Kate's become pretty politically active in the queer community lately. in the past year we've received two death threats. not sure how credible they were, but it's a wake up call we didn't need. i love that your son is part of the new wave of kids, those who are accepting and comfortable with queerness. that is such a gift to the rest of the world, so thank you.

Quote by Chryses

Senator Schumer's polemic is an example. Schumer warns Kavanaugh and Gorsuch they will ‘pay the price’

very sensationalistic - here is the important part of the comment: Schumer suggested there would be an electoral blowback in the general election after the court reaches a decision, which is expected in late June. 

“We will tell and Senate Republicans who have stacked the court with right-wing ideologies that you’re going to be gone in November, and you will never be able to do what you’re trying to do now ever, ever again,” Schumer said. “You’re gone in November.”

that is what was meant by paying the price. no mention of violence, just political blowback.

Quote by Chryses

Senator Schumer's polemic is an example. Schumer warns Kavanaugh and Gorsuch they will ‘pay the price’

I haven't heard you complain about the constant warnings of retribution by Trump. Greene, Boebert, and the fascist-leaning rightwing politicians.

Quote by DanielleX

I honestly disagree. I can't answer for the USA but I don't think there is widespread homophobia in the UK. I'm not saying it doesn't exist but I think there is general acceptance. Thinking overall from my lesbian and gay friends they are not experiencing regular prejudice or hate, if at all. Definitely not saying it never happens to anyone but by and large it's not a major thing. I don't know hundreds of same sex attracted people but if there's widespread homophobia in the UK then it's being covered up by the media and victims are failing to speak out.

I'm in the UK, in the Kent area to be specific, and homophobia is rife. There's a lot of allies too, but unfortunately bigots are louder or violent:

https://www.kentlive.news/news/kent-news/worrying-surge-homophobic-transphobic-hate-5000814

And don't forget 16 year old, Brianna Ghey who was horrifically murdered in Cheshire last year for being trans.

I am concerned that just as Trumpism opened the door for masses of bigots to be openly racist, Trumpism is also bringing out the masses who hate the LGBTQ community.

With rightwing extremists like Greene and Boebert stirring the pot, these anti-Gay bigoted zealots will show their violent tendencies just like the Trump worshippers did on January 6th. It is pretty much the very same people. That day we saw the spearhead. They are waiting for their next opportunity. Next time, they might attack the LGBTQ community directly en masse. We've already witnessed individuals of this mindset attack nightclubs and such directly.

Like the Jim Crowe days, Trump made it okay to be a bigot again. MAGA could very easily be Make America Bigoted Again.

Being bi makes it so painfully obvious how homophobic people are. When I date men nobody gives a shit and when I date women it's just so viscerally different. You're constantly monitored and interrogated for your level of "appropriateness" towards the straights as if you have to minimise your gayness in society.

My thoughts are this: people who are not exposed to the world tend to be small-minded. The more exposed people are to others and their way of life the more they realise it's in no way a threat to them.

Essentially, if you feel weird about gay people leave your mother's basement.

The premise of this entire thread is bullshit and insulting.

Straight people are not phobic.

SOME straight people are phobic.

When it comes to trans people and bisexuality, some gay people are also phobic. Why isn't the OP having a go at them, too?

People, regardless of their sexuality, are still people and all throughout history there are examples of mob mentality oppressing, hounding and ostracising minorities and those that are 'different.'

Quote by dlcalguy

The premise of this entire thread is bullshit and insulting.

Straight people are not phobic.

SOME straight people are phobic.

When it comes to trans people and bisexuality, some gay people are also phobic. Why isn't the OP having a go at them, too?

People, regardless of their sexuality, are still people and all throughout history there are examples of mob mentality oppressing, hounding and ostracising minorities and those that are 'different.'

Straight lives matter!

Quote by dlcalguy

.

When it comes to trans people and bisexuality, some gay people are also phobic. Why isn't the OP having a go at them, too?

because they are not creating anti-LGBTQ legislature or shooting people for flying pride flags, perhaps? i'm bi, btw. number of times i've been harassed/threated by gay folk for being bi, zero. number of times i've been harrassed/threatened by straight folk for being gay. lost count. not once did i say that ALL straight folk are homophobic. just asking why some of them are.

Quote by sprite

not once did i say that ALL straight folk are homophobic

The title of the thread implies ALL. Own it.

Quote by dlcalguy

The title of the thread implies ALL. Own it.

Quote by dlcalguy

The title of the thread implies ALL. Own it.

ok, fine. the question still stands. why do so many straight people care who i love or what i do in my bedroom or how i dress or how i see myself?

Quote by dlcalguy

The title of the thread implies ALL. Own it.

Please don't derail the thread.

Until anyone but straight (at least openly so) people are responsible for the oppression or otherwise harm against non-straight people, the thread and its premise stands. Anyone with two braincells to rub together will understand that this is directed at straight individuals with phobic views. Kindly take your angst elsewhere. Thank you.

Quote by dlcalguy

The title of the thread implies ALL. Own it.

btw, since i have your attention, when was the last time you stood up for someone in the LGBTQ community. i'm not talking about declaring yourself non-homophobic in an anonymous forum post on the internet. when was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone and supported someone? not saying you haven't, but just giving you something to think about.

I think some* straight people think that the more openly gay people there are the higher chance that their kids will “turn” gay or a spouse might accidentally suck a guy off or something after a few beers.

Quote by Magical_felix

I think some* straight people think that the more openly gay people there are the higher chance that their kids will “turn” gay or a spouse might accidentally suck a guy off or something after a few beers.

History has shown us that some of the most raging anti-LGBTQ+ folks are in the closet themselves.