Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.
In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby, Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
......................................................................................................
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears.
Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember - overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).
Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.
In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
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Dear Tech Support
This made me lol, so I posted it on the forum of another site I am a member of and got this reply:
Dear Systems Analyst,
I am desperate for some help!
I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization, where it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night Out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crash the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate selected "Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications.
I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend7.0", but de-installing doesn't work on this program.
Can you please help?
... AND THIS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID:
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding.
Many Customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system once it is installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key.
It may be necessary to run C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even "EatingOutWithout The Kids 7.2.1" (if child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "OneNight Stand 3.2" (any version), as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly crash.
BEST OF LUCK!
Your Systems Analyst
Tech Support
Dear Systems Analyst,
I am desperate for some help!
I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization, where it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night Out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crash the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate selected "Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications.
I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend7.0", but de-installing doesn't work on this program.
Can you please help?
... AND THIS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID:
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding.
Many Customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system once it is installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key.
It may be necessary to run C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even "EatingOutWithout The Kids 7.2.1" (if child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "OneNight Stand 3.2" (any version), as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly crash.
BEST OF LUCK!
Your Systems Analyst
Tech Support
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