APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________-
HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
__________________________________________________- ____________
Number of years they have been married ______________________________
If less than your age, explain
__________________________________________________- ____________
__________________________________________________- ____________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
__________________________________________________- ____________
__________________________________________________- ____________
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
__________________________________________________- ____________
__________________________________________________- ____________
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
__________________________________________________- ____________
__________________________________________________- ____________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend __________________________________________________- _
How often you attend ________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
__________________________________________________- ____________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
__________________________________________________- ____________
C: A woman's place is in the:
__________________________________________________- ____________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
__________________________________________________- ____________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________
__________________________________________________- ____________
__________________________________________________- ____________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
__________________________________________________- ____________
If this answer has any words that start with T or A, expect a visit.
F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
__________________________________________________- _______
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature
_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi/State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing black jackets holding baseball bats.
(you might watch your back)
♥ Listen, touch, and look around in the air and on the ground. If you watch all nature's things, you might just see a fairy's wings. ♥
Tech Moddess AKA Danger Kat ;)
Too funny!!! (heads to the nearest copier to make copies....lol).
"I suggest running." So funny, Pixie.
Thank you, thank you! (takes a bow)
♥ Listen, touch, and look around in the air and on the ground. If you watch all nature's things, you might just see a fairy's wings. ♥
Hillary Clinton kiss torture,.... I think I broke a rib.
can i make this into a "date my sister application?"
Pixie, I hope you don't mind if I post this one that yours reminded me of. I'm sure you've seen it before:
DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package - because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loose that they appear to be falling off their hips. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, having sex without using a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex with my daughter, I am the barrier and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is generally understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only answer I need from you on this subject is "Early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway waiting for my daughter to appear, even if more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following locations are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff t-shirts or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks' homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. The voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
This is supposedly from wrestler Hulk Hogan:
Hulk Hogan recently went on a rant in FHM in regards to his daughter's dating life and here's what he had to say:
"I run a tight ship here, and if you want to date my daughter, Brooke, you must obey the Hulk Hogan Demandments. They're not commandments - they're demandments. Obey them, and you might pass the test.
First off, you have to be clean-cut. If you're a jabroni-you know, tattoos, piercings, purple hair and all that crap-it's not happening. Not in this lifetime.
You must be respectful. When you come over to my house, I don't expect a present, but I do expect you to call me Mr. Hogan and that you bring your best behavior, values, and manners. If you come over, and for some reason I'm not around, stay out of my office and my gym. I don't want my stuff messed with.
Before you take my daughter anywhere, you need to spend some quality time at our house with the family so we can get to know you. That's also when I'll be checking to make sure your pupils aren't dilated and that your eyes aren't jitterbugging all over the place-drugs and alcohol are a definite no-no.
I prefer that you're not a wrestler. If you're meek and mild, I can put the fear of God into you more easily.
You have to be modest. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's cockiness! We had that Aaron Carter kid come by once wanting to date my daughter. He lasted about an hour in my house before I kicked him out. Brooke somehow talked me into inviting him over, and once he was here, he started putting his feet up on the furniture and going into the refrigerator without asking. Finally, I told him to hit the highway.
If I do finally allow you to take Brooke out, I demand that she's returned home on time and that she call to check in every half-hour. I have GPS installed in her car, so I know where you're going. I can also remotely shut her car engine down if I think something funny is going on.
Keep your hands to yourself-and that's not even a demandment, that's standard procedure if you want to live.
I've also taught Brooke how to defend herself. She's been boxing for three years now and can throw one hell of a right cross. I've taught her some submission holds if somebody puts their hand in the wrong place and basic self-defense stuff like the heel stomp, the crotch shot and the thumb-in-the-eye technique. But no one has been stupid enough to disrespect Brooke like that. It would be trouble if they did: I'm not afraid of a good lawsuit."
I think he split from his wife, didn't he?
They did but, they're "pulling together" for Nick's sake.
I think I just threw up a little.
lol, did you eat too much chocolate?
No, I just think those people are worthless wastes of skin. A lot like the Hilton's.
