One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his absence.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery. A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her." "She was a rotten old thing from the beginning." "Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish."
"She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too."
"Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy."
"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time." "I warned them that she wasn't very good and that she smelled bad, but they wanted her anyway." "The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle."
The old woman fainted.
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2. Three Nuns and a Parrot
Three nuns used to go to the church from their homes every day. On the way they would pass a house where a parrot lived. The parrot would call out three colors every time the nuns would pass by. They soon realized that the parrot was calling out the colors of their respective underpants. They tried to fool the parrot by switching positions while walking and even wearing different colored underpants every day, but the parrot was never wrong. Finally they devised a way to fool the parrot by not wearing any underpants at all. When they walked across the house the parrot spoke out loud, ''Straight, straight, curly.''
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3. That's Meaty
A man walked in to his local butcher to find his regular butcher, John absent so he asks the manager, "Where's John?" The manager tells the man that John was fired because he was found sticking his dick in the meat slicer" Then the man asked, "Where is the meat slicer now?" The butcher then replied, "I fired her too."
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4. Q: What do you say to a man with five penises?
A: Your jeans fit like a glove.
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5. Lay off
A company boss has to decide who to lay someone off. He decides on two low level management employees Jack or Karen. He goes to Karen and says, "I will have to lay you or Jack off."
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Nº 1, 2, and 5 are classics. But 3 was pretty new to me as began to read: never hard of it before.
Old dilapidated boat