Saw a version of this on the 'net, back around '98 or so...always liked it.
Are You an Unreconstructed, Right-on, Rogue Male? Or a Delivery Boy of the New Male Order? Are You a Man or a Louse? Find Out Below.
1. A woman whispers "Do me now, big boy..." in your ear. She is obviously:
a) Nearsighted.
b) Attempting to overcome a lack of self-esteem through meaningless sexual gratification.
c) Begging for it.
d) A recording, emanating from within your Real Doll.
2. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
a) Sex.
b) Fucking.
c) Making sweet, passionate love.
d) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town.
3. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
b) Blood-test results.
c) A cab.
d) Five tequila slammers.
4. You time your orgasm so that:
a) Your partner climaxes first.
b) You both climax simultaneously.
c) The director can set up for the money shot.
d) You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.
5. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) Strictly for pets.
b) Healthy, creative love-play.
c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
d) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about.
6. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
a) The best part of the experience.
b) The second best part of the experience.
c) A loathsome chore.
d) $200 extra.
7. Your girlfriend says she's gained two kilos in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:
a) No concern of yours.
b) No barrier to her finding a new boyfriend.
c) No problem - she can join your gym.
d) A conservative estimate.
8. Today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) An ideal to which you aspire.
b) A myth.
c) An oxymoron.
d) A moron.
9. A prostitute is:
a) A victim of male dominated society and social oppression.
b) Someone who provides an essential service.
c) A cheap date.
d) A valued employee.
10. A wife is:
a) A victim of male dominated society and social oppression.
b) Someone who provides an essential service.
c) A cheap date.
d) A valued employee.
11. Masturbation is:
a) Sex with someone you love.
b) A healthy exploration of your erogenous zones.
c) A team sport.
d) A cheap date.
12. It is the day after a one-night stand. Do you:
a) Call her.
b) Call your lawyer.
c) Call your doctor.
d) Call your wife.
13. Which of the following lines best fits into your ideal role-playing sexual fantasy:
a) "Frankly Scarlett, I don't give a damn..."
b) "I've got a nasty swelling down here, Nurse..."
c) "I'd like to have what's behind door number three...."
d) "I'll take cock n ball training, for $500, Alex..."
14. Foreplay is to sex as:
a) Priming is to painting.
b) Appetizer is to entree.
c) Trailer is to feature.
d) A queue is to an amusement park ride.
15. The slogan that sums up your sexual mores is:
a) Free Lorena Bobbitt.
b) Free Mike Tyson.
c) Free Willy.
d) Free condom with this survey.
16. Your local Mayor is involved in a lurid sex scandal. You are:
a) Outraged.
b) Implicated.
c) Envious.
d) Never going to vote anyway.
17. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."
c) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."
d) "Keep the change."
18. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) Is uptight and a waste of time.
b) May be restraining from giggling.
c) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
d) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
Constant Gardener
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
