Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A. About three inches.
DOCTOR VISIT
The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wanted to start a family.
"We've been trying for months now, doctor, but I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she stated unhappily.
"I'm sure we can solve your problem," the doctor reassured her. "If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."
"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby."
WHO'S THIS OTHER GUY
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a picture of another man.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, no," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
FIRMING THINGS UP
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence. The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was too much for a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the poolman . . . and your brother!
NAMING DISASTERS AFTER WOMEN
Q: Why do they give female names to natural disasters?
A: When they come on to you, they are all wet and wild. When they leave, your house is gone, your car is gone, your dog is gone...
MARRIED SEX LIFE
A husband and wife were fighting about their sex life. "You never even tell me when you're having an orgasm!" he yelled.
"How can I?" she shot back. "You're never here!"
A young couple left the sex therapist's office determined to develop more effective body language."Alright," said the husband, "when I want sex, I'll rub your right breast. When I don't want sex, I'll rub your left breast."
"Okay," said the wife, "What should I do then?"
"Well, when you want to have sex," he told her, "rub my penis once. When you don't want any sex, rub it 200 times."
Active Ink Slinger