Person above you awakes in hospital bed and YOU say:

1 May 2014

Jumping up and down on the bed naked may look like lots of fun but...

1 May 2014

Great news, doctors will graft it again BUT only half of it...

1 May 2014

I told u laughing at his cock would put u in the hospital

1 May 2014

The good news is that you broke the record; 37 orgasms, impressive Feline to say the least...Now for the bad news, your toes are going to stay curled and your "I'm cumming" scrinchy face is permanent. Oh, and the church called and your fired. Doing that at work wasn't a good choice.

1 May 2014

Trust me dude, the swelling will go down...and...what the fuck? The doc said you got your penis caught in the hose attachment of an old Kobold vacuum cleaner…

2 May 2014

I tripped into the vaccuum! Why won't anybody believe me?

All I'm going to say to you is... ya gotta stop jerking off dude. You almost pulled it off this time!

2 May 2014

I warned you about that powerfucking

2 May 2014

You should have listened to your own advice Leigh. Remember rule #1 before powerfucking? Stretch first!

2 May 2014

Can you explain why they had to use a colo-rectal procedure to remove Leighs cell phone from your ass? Is that part of a power fuck?

2 May 2014

Same as above

2 May 2014

i told u getting drunk and fucking that tiger would mess u up

2 May 2014

Look, I realize you're very brave and get aroused by daring stunts but forgetting to pull the ripcord because you're masturbating during freefall?

2 May 2014

Hey, do you remember that accident we were in, the one where I crashed into the cop car? Well, they are saying the neck brace you have to wear can come off in a month.

2 May 2014

Well, now you know why the Saturday Waxing Special was so cheap. The good news is you won't have to shave down there for a month but you'll be in too much pain to do anything while your skin heals.

Kissing your lips while straddling your lap.

2 May 2014

Whips and chains are all very good, my dear, but a flagellation machine? What made you think that was a good idea?

5 May 2014

I suggest next time you wear the latex enema pants that you do not go mountain biking...that will prevent these kinds of injuries.

5 May 2014

we seriously needd to stop meeting like this too bad ur dick is broken

5 May 2014

Good news! They were able to remove Rod's dick...
Why are you frowning?

6 May 2014

bad news they can't detach ur wings from the fan I told u jumping onto my bed was a bad idea

6 May 2014

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZ UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP

LOL

6 May 2014

Oops, I slapped your eye too hard.

6 May 2014

Told you not to play with that rusty mouse trap look what happened..

6 May 2014

I told you, Don't go out with those clothes if you don't want problems. ;)

6 May 2014

Ok, the doc says there is no permanent internal damage, thank God...but, my questions is, where did you find a Hello Kitty vibrator?

6 May 2014

The Doc says the teeth marks will leave a permanent scar, didn't you question a glory hole in a zoo?

6 May 2014

Seriously Rosie...why would you need a chin strap on a dildo??

6 May 2014

Rod...Rod...did you really think that using a MK19 bandolier for ben wa balls was a good idea? Dude how did you get so many stuffed in your (dry heave)... never mind buddy. Never mind... not judging d'oh!

6 May 2014

Penis ring toss…really?? Penis ring toss? You let Kiera and Ginger use you for their penis ring toss game??!... Nothing about that idea made you stop and think that maybe you should think it all the way through….penis ring toss?!

6 May 2014

Quote by hiddentalent123
Rod...Rod...did you really think that using a MK19 bandolier for ben wa balls was a good idea? Dude how did you get so many stuffed in your (dry heave)... never mind buddy. Never mind... not judging

LMFAO!! THAT'S LIVE ORDINANCE!!! GET EOD HERE QUICK...I'M GASSY

6 May 2014

Fuckin funny!!!

Ok brother...they took all of the items out of your stomach. It was successful. They did say though that, for awhile, every time you burp it's going to smell like a condom. No, no, no...don't be concerned buddy, it'll pass. You gotta stop sniffing the model airplane glue! Makes ya loco!