A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Get outta here, you won't bring it back."
Q. Whats the difference between Sarah Palin's vagina and her mouth?
A. Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded.
Q. What is the most polite thing to do when meeting the son of God?
A. Try not to stare at those fucking holes in his hands.
Scary knock knock joke...
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Eyes.
Eyes who?
EYES GONNA BE YO NEW PRESIDENT!
Q. What do you call a black Frenchman?
A. Jacques Custodian.
I was crossing the street. I got hit by a mobile library. I was lying there in pain, screaming. The guy looked at me. He went, "Shhhh."
Q. What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
A. The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm.
This young couple had only been married for one night when the blonde bride went to the doctor to say, "This is my first day of marriage, and there is something that bothers me."
Doctor: "What is it?"
Blonde Bride: "Well, during sex I feel his dick touch my kidneys."
Doctor: "Just send in your groom, and I will cut a couple of inches off and hopefully it will not reach your kidneys."
Blonde Bride: "No, I want you to remove my kidneys."
Q. Did ya hear Mattel introduced a "Divorced Barbie"?
A. She comes with half of Ken's stuff.
Did you hear that Mattel introduced a new "Lesbo Barbie"? She comes with a special new pair of shoes made by NIKE. They are called Dikey's ... they have a tounge that is two inches longer than normal and you can get them off with one finger.
Q. What do you call a pretty girl in England?
A. A tourist.
All of Noah's animals went on board the ark in pairs. Except the worms. They went in apples.
I keep having my profile on that dating website "Match.com" rejected. One of the questions is, "What do you want in a woman?" Apparently, "My dick" is not an acceptable answer.
A woman walked into a pet store. "I haven't got much money," she told the clerk, "so I'd like to know if you've got any kittens you'll let go cheap." "I'd let them, Ma'am," said the clerk, "but they prefer to meow."
Q. Whats the difference between an Italian girl and a monkey
A. About three hairs
A Scottish farmer was counting his sheep: "205, 206, 207, hello darling, 209, 210...."
You don't want Monica Lewinsky and Tonto in your car at the same time because you might wind up with a blown Injun.
Q. How do you know if a man is Jewish
A. Drop a dime
Q. how do you know if a man is gay
A. Pick one up
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Matriarch
Q. Did ya hear Mattel introduced a "Divorced Barbie"?
A. She comes with half of Ken's stuff.
I like that one
Active Ink Slinger
Q. What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
A. The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm.
And a kidney transplant?
Good stuff Chef
Bat