Matilda lived in a tiny village on the Irish coast. She was 98, still a virgin, and very proud of it.
Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she died, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements.
As a last wish, Matilda informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: "MATILDA STONE. BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"
Several days passed and Matilda died peacefully in her sleep.
A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk carved the tombstone that Matilda had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.
He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.
For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.
Matilda’s tombstone was finally completed, duly engraved. It read: "MATILDA STONE, RETURNED UNOPENED“
Advanced Wordsmith