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Ruin a date in 5 words

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Did the door just open?

Damn my husband is home!

I haven't killed in ages.

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* 33 Editor's Picks, 85 Recommended Reads.
* 17 competition podium places, 12 other times in the top ten.
* 25 collaborations.
* A whole heap of often filthy, tense, hot sex.

It's a very small rash.

An incredibly talented, but modest Polar Bear, often mischievous, but never malicious!

It's stiff for sexy women.

An incredibly talented, but modest Polar Bear, often mischievous, but never malicious!

My mom's coming with us.

An incredibly talented, but modest Polar Bear, often mischievous, but never malicious!

Let me get my teeth.

Goodie, my rash is gone.

If you enjoy BDSM or fetish based stories, have a look at my collection.

My current Series: "Faye's Secret Art Projects" (Part One was awarded a recommend read)

A kinky story of how a horny university student stumbles into a relationship with her dominant art teacher.

This is my granddaughter Erin.

Careful, the dog is horny.

Quote by Chewbacca

Careful, the dog is horny.

Edgy and not in a good way. Take care.

Wanna livestream while we fuck?

An incredibly talented, but modest Polar Bear, often mischievous, but never malicious!

I'm finally over the diarrhea.

I don't usually date down.

Can I borrow your credit cards?

An incredibly talented, but modest Polar Bear, often mischievous, but never malicious!

Look at my underpants! Shit!

An incredibly talented, but modest Polar Bear, often mischievous, but never malicious!

Are you really wearing that?

An incredibly talented, but modest Polar Bear, often mischievous, but never malicious!

Oh, sorry - I completely forgot.

Did you know I'm vegan?

Oh, it's just you, Rob.

I should have showered first.

Here's my collection of whips.

You should really use mouthwash.

An incredibly talented, but modest Polar Bear, often mischievous, but never malicious!

Did you vomit recently?

An incredibly talented, but modest Polar Bear, often mischievous, but never malicious!

Can I call you Melania?

Just now my hubby left

I just use a carrot.