During a commercial airline flight a man was seated next to a young mother with a baby in arms. When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible.
The man pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related articles. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, he responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!"
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said breast feeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.
The man sadly shook his head, and in true gentleman fashion exclaimed..."And all these years I've been chewing gum!"
A little boy opened the bg family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the ojbect and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found." the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
"With astonisment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
A wife was complaining about her humans diet and that he should be a vegetarian. He gave her a look and said, "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
Employee Efficiency Reports:
Not the sharpestknife in the drawer.
A room temperature IQ.
Got a full 6 pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
A photographic memor but with the lens cover glued on.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
One celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
Fell out of the family tree.
He is so dense, light bends around him.
If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.
Moris, an 82 year old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A fe days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous youn woman on his arm.
The doctor took Morris aside and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc.: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, "Your've hot a heart murmur, be careful."
A woman's mind is clearner that a man's - That's because she changes it more often.
Legal Disclaimer: I didn't say they were good jokes.
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