A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so GOOD for you!
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The "Buffolo Theory" of Beer..
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Active Ink Slinger
I always knew it! I just couldn't prove it...
That made me remember this, Chef:
THE TEN STAGES OF INTOXICATION
(1) WITTY AND CHARMING: This is after one or two drinks. The tongue is loosened and can yet remain in step with the brain. In the "witty and charming" state, one is likely to use foreign idioms and phrases such as "au contraire" in place of "Now way, Jose," or "Bullsheyet".
(2) RICH AND POWERFUL: By the third drink, you begin mentioning the little 380 SL you've had your eye on down at the Mercedes place.
(3) BENEVOLENT: You'll buy her a Mercedes, too. It's only money.
(4) JUST ONE MORE AND THEN WE'LL EAT: Stall tactic.
(5) TO HELL WITH DINNER: Just one more and then we'll eat.
(6) PATRIOTIC: The war stories begin.
(7) CRANK UP THE "ENOLA GAY": "We could have won in Nam, but..."
(8) INVISIBLE: So this is what the Ladies' Room looks like.
(9) WITTY AND CHARMING PART II: You know, you don't sweat much for a fat girl.
(10) BULLETPROOF: Bull-sheyet, gimme them keys, I can drive.
-- Lewis Grizzard, "My Daddy Was a Pistol and I'm a Son of a Gun".
THE TEN STAGES OF INTOXICATION
(1) WITTY AND CHARMING: This is after one or two drinks. The tongue is loosened and can yet remain in step with the brain. In the "witty and charming" state, one is likely to use foreign idioms and phrases such as "au contraire" in place of "Now way, Jose," or "Bullsheyet".
(2) RICH AND POWERFUL: By the third drink, you begin mentioning the little 380 SL you've had your eye on down at the Mercedes place.
(3) BENEVOLENT: You'll buy her a Mercedes, too. It's only money.
(4) JUST ONE MORE AND THEN WE'LL EAT: Stall tactic.
(5) TO HELL WITH DINNER: Just one more and then we'll eat.
(6) PATRIOTIC: The war stories begin.
(7) CRANK UP THE "ENOLA GAY": "We could have won in Nam, but..."
(8) INVISIBLE: So this is what the Ladies' Room looks like.
(9) WITTY AND CHARMING PART II: You know, you don't sweat much for a fat girl.
(10) BULLETPROOF: Bull-sheyet, gimme them keys, I can drive.
-- Lewis Grizzard, "My Daddy Was a Pistol and I'm a Son of a Gun".
Active Ink Slinger
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piPyfqAKf6o&feature=PlayList&p=988B37A7888D46FC&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=59
This one says it all....
This one says it all....
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." - Groucho Marx
Constant Gardener
16 Ways to tell if you are a serious boozen aficionado: From the year 1999
1. You frequently urinate outdoors.
2. You first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and then a half-hour later you wish you would.
3. You fall asleep, while sitting on the toilet, taking a leak.
4. You believe that spilling your beer is Alcohol abuse.
5. You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.
6. Your find it easier to study drunk.
7. Beer ads make sense.
8. You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet bowl and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.
9. You wake up the next morning and start drinking a few of the half-empties left sitting around the room.
10. You fall down a flight of stairs and you absolutely don't spill a drop of your beer.
11. You mix your cocktails by the liter.
12. You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin
13. You put off urinating in hopes of reaching the near orgasmic, Zen-like piss.
14. You explain to your bank manager that you spent your overdraft - "Mainly on beer and women; the rest I just pissed away".
15. When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.
16. You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect.
1. You frequently urinate outdoors.
2. You first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and then a half-hour later you wish you would.
3. You fall asleep, while sitting on the toilet, taking a leak.
4. You believe that spilling your beer is Alcohol abuse.
5. You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.
6. Your find it easier to study drunk.
7. Beer ads make sense.
8. You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet bowl and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.
9. You wake up the next morning and start drinking a few of the half-empties left sitting around the room.
10. You fall down a flight of stairs and you absolutely don't spill a drop of your beer.
11. You mix your cocktails by the liter.
12. You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin
13. You put off urinating in hopes of reaching the near orgasmic, Zen-like piss.
14. You explain to your bank manager that you spent your overdraft - "Mainly on beer and women; the rest I just pissed away".
15. When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.
16. You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Active Ink Slinger
Active Ink Slinger
Cheers, Chef.
And a Merry, or should that now be "Tipsy", Christmas to one and all.
And a Merry, or should that now be "Tipsy", Christmas to one and all.
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
Active Ink Slinger
Those were good.