1. The Vibrator - A lesbian joke
A lesbian walks into a sex toy store and asks where the vibrators are. "Come this way," the cute woman behind the counter says, gesturing with her finger.
"If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the vibrator, would I?" the woman responds.
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2. A woman goes to the gynecologist, and upon examination, the doctor says, "Why, it's immaculate in here! What do you do to keep yourself so hygenic?"
The woman responds, "I have a woman in twice a week."
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3. A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we have the camel." The Captain said "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me."
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."
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4. A man and a woman are on a plane next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his penis and wipes the tip off. The woman can't believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his penis and wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe that such a rude person exists. A few more minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again. He takes his penis out and wipes the tip off.
The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off! What the hell kind of degenerate are you?" The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The woman, now feeling bad, says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking for it?" The man looks at her and says, "Pepper."
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5. An 80-year-old man was having his annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, "Uh oh!" The man asked the doctor what the problem was.
"Well," said the doctor, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?" "No," replied the man. "Do you drink in excess?" "No," replied the man. "Do you have a sex life?" "As a matter of fact, I do!" "Well," said the doctor, "I'm afraid with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your of sex life."
Looking perplexed, the old man asked, "Which half, the LOOKING or the THINKING?"
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Well, 1, 2, 4 and 5 are new for me. What about you? Number 4 is an oldie, but the passenger with the rare condition being changed to a male now, is new to me as compared to the first time I read it. Is Rocco new to these ones?
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