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I have to replace this...

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darlvanhorn
Active Ink Slinger
I have been asked how this is possible under water, 'she could feel the moisture her body was making' . and have gotten to thinking... I do have an alternative for this line,
'she thrusted her bottom half of her body out the water'

would this work much better or would you have something better?
Shylass
Gingerbread Lover
Quote by darlvanhorn
I have been asked how this is possible under water, 'she could feel the moisture her body was making' . and have gotten to thinking... I do have an alternative for this line,
'she thrusted her bottom half of her body out the water'

would this work much better or would you have something better?


First of all, "thrust" is more common than "thrusted". The latter is awkward and barely used in modern language. Edit: You also repeat "her". I would replace the first "her" with "the", but the sentence remains awkward, sorry!

Next, the question I would ask myself is, what am I trying to say? Is this hugely important to the story, or just a small detail? What does she go on to do? What is it that you want her to notice or be aware of in that moment?

With only the excerpt provided, the second sentence seems odd, as if her top half is still in the water. If I wanted to use the first sentence, which seems more natural to me, I would probably think about the biological feelings the character gets when she's getting wet inside. She wouldn't feel her juice unless she slimed her thighs (unattractive in this case, I'm guessing) and felt the different consistency. But she could be aware that she was "thickening the enveloping water with her own juice" (sounds like a sex-mucus machine), or, "she could feel the throb inside as the water enveloped her skin".

You could also go with the latter sentence, and tweak it, but without knowing exactly what her context is, it's hard to suggest anything. Is she thrusting her pelvis out of the water, but riding back, like in "Show Girls"? Is she removing herself from the water?

Again, what is the most important detail of what you are trying to tell the reader? Neither of these two sentences make much sense to me. Therefore, does it need to be there at all?
Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

 ***
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Mazza
Mazztastic
This sounds kind of clunky to me...

Even if you were underwater, you'd be able to feel the heat and viscosity of arousal. I mean, you'd be aware of it, perhaps if she or he touched her pussy, rubbed her lips, then she'd feel that? The movement, the juices lubricating...

To thrust one's bottom half of one's body out of the water is not an easy thing to do, unless you're a dolphin or some shit... and certainly not conducive in any way to foreplay as far as I can see...
DLizze
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Mazza
and certainly not conducive in any way to foreplay as far as I can see...


Actually Mazza, I think it would be hind play. smile
"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
Mazza
Mazztastic
Quote by DLizze


Actually Mazza, I think it would be hind play. smile


Doe you mean hind play, deer?? Maybe I herd wrong?



(oh god, that's tenuous, even for me - Soooooo sorry!!)

I just veal so silly now....



Q: How do you know which deer is on holiday?

A: The one with the wee calf (week aff - sorry, I think you need to be Scottish to get this... Anyone? Anyone??)
LASARDaddy
Story Verifier
I am a Scott and think that's kind "off week."

Sorry. Puns are dangerass sometimes.
I am always a gentleman.
darlvanhorn
Active Ink Slinger
sorry guy's, I missed out something important. got distracted by my kids.

what I'm trying to explain is: 'she could feel the moisture her body was making, slipping her finger inside'. was asked how is that possible under the water!

someone, not from lush pointed this out. I'm not sure if lush Mod's noticed it also.
naughtyannie
God Empress of Lush
Quote by Mazza


Q: How do you know which deer is on holiday?

A: The one with the wee calf (week aff - sorry, I think you need to be Scottish to get this... Anyone? Anyone??)


Veering wildly off-topic, my friend told me this stupid joke that she said only works in a Scots accent.

Q. What's the difference between Alfred Hitchcock and Walt Disney?

A. Alfred makes thriller films, and Walt Disney*.

*disnae

I'll get my coat...

Why not join my popular Lush Group One Tit Out Group | Lush Stories? For all those who enjoy pictures of women showing just one boob. Lots of cheeky flashes and accidental slips. Come on, you know you want to! Annie xxx
DLizze
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by darlvanhorn
sorry guy's, I missed out something important. got distracted by my kids.

what I'm trying to explain is: 'she could feel the moisture her body was making, slipping her finger inside'. was asked how is that possible under the water!

someone, not from lush pointed this out. I'm not sure if lush Mod's noticed it also.


Okay - it's time for a straight answer .......um........that sounds like the beginning of another bad pun.

I have to start over.

Okay it's time for a real answer.

And the answer is .....
(may I have the envelope, please?)


Ta DA!!! Water is not a lubricant! (If you have ever tried to have sex in a swimming pool or a hot tub, you know whereof I speak. And if you haven't - don't bother - it isn't at all like the fantasy.)

Obviously, if she slipped her finger inside, there must have been some lubricant - where else could it have come from than her own moisture?

So, darlvanhorn, tell who ever is nit-picking to go pick elsewhere.
"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
Mazza
Mazztastic
Quote by naughtyannie


Veering wildly off-topic, my friend told me this stupid joke that she said only works in a Scots accent.

Q. What's the difference between Alfred Hitchcock and Walt Disney?

A. Alfred makes thriller films, and Walt Disney*.

*disnae

I'll get my coat...


Ha! I tried to tell an American friend the version of that joke with which I'm familiar...

What's the difference between bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

Bing sings and Walt Disney...

(He didn't get the joke and it lost everything in the explanation)

Thanks for restoring my faith in humanity, Annie!
Mazza
Mazztastic
Quote by darlvanhorn
Thank you, people for all your info and laughs.
glad I posted this up, wasn't going to and just make the change.


Glad you could sieve through the nonsense and get what you needed!!

smile
Mazza
Mazztastic
Double post...

Schoolboy error!!

I suppose I should tell a joke or something, but I can't think of one!

(Sighs of relief all round, you bastards! Lol)
Guest
Lurker
Quote by Mazza
Double post...

Schoolboy error!!

I suppose I should tell a joke or something, but I can't think of one!

(Sighs of relief all round, you bastards! Lol)


Ooh, ohh, I have a joke!

Why did the lobster blush?

Because the sea weed!