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Would someone be kind enough to help me edit a story ?

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lovegirlsfeet
Rookie Scribe
Any advise would be much appreciated. Please mail me if you are happy to help thanks.
Mazza
Mazztastic
At just over 3,000 characters, it JUST would be submittable - I think that you need to expand the story a little, make it more interesting... You also need to punctuate it properly, especially around your dialogue, but throughout the whole piece. A lot of the sentences seem incomplete - you might want to try reading the story aloud to yourself - that way, you're more likely to spot errors and also see where you need to punctuate...

Good luck with it.