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What do women want? We dont want the bad guy, we just want someone who isnt this!! Options · View
MMonroe
Posted: Sunday, October 03, 2010 5:18:30 PM

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http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml





*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Dancing_Doll
Posted: Sunday, October 03, 2010 5:31:52 PM

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Brilliant article. If anyone has ever been confused by the whole "nice guy" issue, they should read this article. It's perfectly explained.

Great post! 3601

Lisa
Posted: Sunday, October 03, 2010 5:54:20 PM

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I disagree with her description in the article. Nice doesn't have to equal boring or clingy. Neither does the word "bad" in bad boy have to mean a man who treats women poorly. It's just one part of the person, not an entire personality type.

Nice is definitely one of the traits I look for in a man, along with quiet confidence and knowing how to treat women well. "Spineless" holds no appeal though.

Luckily the two don't have to go together. happy8
Guest
Posted: Sunday, October 03, 2010 6:21:49 PM

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That article is not even close to the real world, at least the world I know

Nice Guy does not equal insecurity,

Nice Guy does not equal weakness.

Nice Guy does not equal lack of direction and ambition.

Nice Guy does not equal a weak and clinging personality.

Nice Guys can provide leadership in bed and in business

Nice Guys can have confidence to let his significant other to explore where it may take her, until she crosses the line.

Nice Guys can be wonderful husbands and fathers

Nice Guys can provide us with protection, even if we know we can protect ourselves.

Ladies of Lush if this is your definition of Nice Guys, then I say you have been looking in the wrong place and you certainly have not found my kind of Nice Guys
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Sunday, October 03, 2010 6:36:47 PM

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Actually I think this article seeks to explain what people mean when they use the term "Nice Guy" in a negative way. This is demystifying the concept of "Nice" being a negative trait. It's not that a woman doesn't want a guy who is nice... she doesn't want a guy that acts in the way the article describes.

They probably just need to find a different term for it altogether actually.


sprite
Posted: Sunday, October 03, 2010 9:05:27 PM

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i'd like to point out that this article would be as accurate if they changed the gender... i even saw a little of myself in the description *winces*

Live, love, laugh.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, October 03, 2010 9:23:28 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Dancing_Doll wrote:
Actually I think this article seeks to explain what people mean when they use the term "Nice Guy" in a negative way. This is demystifying the concept of "Nice" being a negative trait. It's not that a woman doesn't want a guy who is nice... she doesn't want a guy that acts in the way the article describes.

They probably just need to find a different term for it altogether actually.


Little sister then maybe we are not on the opposite of the fence.
MMonroe
Posted: Monday, October 04, 2010 4:21:56 AM

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What DD sais, theres being nice and then theres being nice!! I can relate to this article so much as I have a friend who's exactly like this.

Nothing wrong with being nice, just grow some balls and form an opinion.


Edit: i also agree that the term 'nice guy' is a bit confusing so maybe it needs to be changed to something else



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Reprehensiballs
Posted: Monday, October 04, 2010 5:15:49 AM

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I am ashamed to say this struck a few chords with me, perhaps even quite a lot of them. It's food for thought at the very least, thanks for the link.

If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill
mercianknight
Posted: Monday, October 04, 2010 6:47:00 AM

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Nice (ish) article. I read, I enjoyed and I formed an opinion.

Part of the closing comment said: "You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it." Which is a credible description of myself - whom I also happen to classify as a 'Nice Guy'.

Sooooo.... I have decided to re-classify the article as relating to 'Clingy Door mats'. Moving on. binky binky binky

Good post.

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
youngvet
Posted: Monday, October 04, 2010 2:30:48 PM

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hey I am a nice guy!


wait damn that is far too close to home
explains more than I ever would care to admit
WellMadeMale
Posted: Monday, October 04, 2010 4:16:36 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,511
Location: Cakeland, United States
MMonroe wrote:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml


There is a lot of truth in that opinion piece. This is one of the most blatant truths: In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself

There is also a lot of misconception in the opinion piece. The author reads as if she is in her late 20's and fairly certain she knows it all.

Overall, I think this should appear in Cosmo, tongue-in-cheek.

Most intelligent people are introspective and doubt themselves while many fucktards are proudly over-confident. - a tip of the hat to Charles Bukowski
Guest
Posted: Monday, October 04, 2010 6:21:21 PM

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Yup. Describes me quite accurately the way I was some years ago. I've smartened up some since then. I'm still shy and still can't get a date but I'm enjoying life on my own.
Guest
Posted: Monday, October 04, 2010 7:37:13 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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That article was a boatload of crap, and it sounded like it was written by a chick with a chip on her shoulder.

The biggest clue came from the name of the website: Heartless Bitches International. It seems they write this drivel to get views.

Quote:
The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure.
Wrong!

Quote:
Nice Guys exude insecurity
Wrong again!

I guess I'd better drag out some of my recent opinions on this.

Quote:
What about the man that dresses well, gives that sly grin, makes the cocky/funny comments, and leaves you wanting to know more (air of mystery, but from a CLEAN GUY)? No, he won't laugh at all your jokes; he'll make fun of some of them, creating MORE attraction for you. Oh, he's his own person alright. He doesn't need your approval because you know he'll just go to that blonde over there and talk to her, getting her interest after a courteous "good night" to you. Politeness and chivalry have nothing to do with being "needy" or "submissive" towards a woman. No way!

Guest
Posted: Tuesday, October 05, 2010 3:20:38 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 693,587
I absolutely agree with Rocco, the article is a total crock of crap. I refuse to assimilate being "nice," "respectful" or anything else you want to call it with being spineless, submissive or pandering. And it certainly does not mean insecure.

Not only does the article come from the aforementioned website, but it is in the section "Rants." To me, that says it all.

So I'm supposed to become an asshole who has no respect for anything but himself and treats women like pieces of shit because that's what they, the women, want (assuming that is the case, which I don't)??? No fucking way, it ain't gonna happen. I most certainly will not descend to that level.

I'm 62, a cancer survivor, I've gone through a lot in my life, good and bad. I now live alone and am often tortured by loneliness, and can't get a date to save my life (I'm very pleased my life doesn't depend on it).

But I'll take that situation any day over being an inconsiderate macho jerk who thinks that women are just there to be abused.
Am I really supposed to believe that a majority of women are just drooling at the perspective of being taken for a ride by an asshole of that nature and that that guys like me, because they are nice, respectful or anything else you want to call it, are "insecure"???

If that's really how it is, then I'm not missing anything.
MMonroe
Posted: Tuesday, October 05, 2010 4:11:48 AM

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bassman199 wrote:
I absolutely agree with Rocco, the article is a total crock of crap. I refuse to assimilate being "nice," "respectful" or anything else you want to call it with being spineless, submissive or pandering. And it certainly does not mean insecure.

Not only does the article come from the aforementioned website, but it is in the section "Rants." To me, that says it all.

So I'm supposed to become an asshole who has no respect for anything but himself and treats women like pieces of shit because that's what they, the women, want (assuming that is the case, which I don't)??? No fucking way, it ain't gonna happen. I most certainly will not descend to that level.

I'm 62, a cancer survivor, I've gone through a lot in my life, good and bad. I now live alone and am often tortured by loneliness, and can't get a date to save my life (I'm very pleased my life doesn't depend on it).

But I'll take that situation any day over being an inconsiderate macho jerk who thinks that women are just there to be abused.
Am I really supposed to believe that a majority of women are just drooling at the perspective of being taken for a ride by an asshole of that nature and that that guys like me, because they are nice, respectful or anything else you want to call it, are "insecure"???

If that's really how it is, then I'm not missing anything.




MMonroe wrote:
Edit: i also agree that the term 'nice guy' is a bit confusing so maybe it needs to be changed to something else


Refering back to what I said earlier, there is a difference between being nice, respectful, polite and chivalrous and being just plain needy. Being nice doesnt mean you're insecure, but the term 'nice guy' has been associated with the definition of clingy, needy etc etc. Like i said it needs a different name.

No girls dont want an asshole who treats her like crap, just someone who can stand on his own two feet, respects her but can also look after himself. Its no fun having a whiny, sulky when you dont show him any attention, pandering guy who agrees with every word you say cos he think it will make you like him better.




*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Dancing_Doll
Posted: Tuesday, October 05, 2010 6:27:35 AM

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Wow... so many guys have totally misread and misinterpreted this article.

Seems as soon as the term "Nice Guy" is used, a guy's emotional reaction takes over everything else.

Let's flip it and ask if guys want a "Nice Girl"... meaning a girl that gets rid of her girlfriends the minute she is dating you, calls you several times a day to let you know how she's feeling and how much she cares about you, agrees with everything you say, and makes you her complete focus and wants you to do the same. She loves those long evening talks about where you stand as a couple, and since you've become involved, she knows that you'll want to cut out those guys nights and just spend time with her, where you can just be together as much as possible. Sound thrilling?

The term/label needs to be trashed... but it's the sentiments of what turns off the opposite sex that is the point here.

The article does not insinuate that women want assholes, or that being a nice person is a bad thing.

It's just explaining the actual meaning behind the "urban social term", even though the term itself is outdated and inaccurate. I actually thought that was pretty obvious...



WellMadeMale
Posted: Tuesday, October 05, 2010 7:26:37 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,511
Location: Cakeland, United States
Dancing_Doll wrote:
Wow... so many guys have totally misread and misinterpreted this article.


lol, there are a lot of thin skins around here.

Most intelligent people are introspective and doubt themselves while many fucktards are proudly over-confident. - a tip of the hat to Charles Bukowski
LadyX
Posted: Tuesday, October 05, 2010 10:49:03 AM

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Well this certainly touched a nerve or two, LOL.

Guys, you know for yourselves whether or not you are insecure, clingy, spineless, or sickeningly sweet. If somebody's online rant doesn't apply to you anyway, why get bent out of shape?

I agree with MM, her biggest mistake was attaching the phrase "nice guys" to her article. Apparently, guys see that used in a negative way and they just see red. But if you're taking issue with it, then it probably means you're nothing like what she describes in the first place.
Rembacher
Posted: Tuesday, October 05, 2010 11:28:07 AM

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Posts: 1,107
Guys, you are just reinforcing the writer's point if you are so insecure that an article gets you this worked up. Not sure who said it, but "opinions are like assholes, everyone has them." Just because it's in print doesn't mean it applies to you directly or to anyone at all for that matter. Some people here think I'm a good guy, some think I'm an obsessive creep, and others know I'm both. lol. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I know who I am, and what I stand for, and that's all that matters.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, October 05, 2010 7:58:19 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 693,587
Quote:
Guys, you are just reinforcing the writer's point if you are so insecure that an article gets you this worked up.


If I disagree with an article vehemently, I'm insecure? Please explain.
Rembacher
Posted: Tuesday, October 05, 2010 9:14:50 PM

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Joined: 10/16/2008
Posts: 1,107
Responding so vehemently that it seems you are personally offended reminds us of what Shakespeare said, "me thinks he doth protest too much." People certainly have the right to disagree with the writer's statement, but if someone doesn't resemble the person described in the article, her definition of a "nice guy," what does it matter how she labels that particular type of guy?

Most women do not like those particular attributes, but it should be fairly obvious that someone can still be a nice guy without all or any of those traits, and women do like nice guys who don't have those traits. If that is as obvious as I think it is, then anyone who gets offended by her statement about a very specific, well defined group of people appears to not be comfortable or confident in who they are, whether or not that is the actual reality.
DamonX
Posted: Tuesday, October 05, 2010 10:13:48 PM

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Jebru wrote:
Responding so vehemently that it seems you are personally offended reminds us of what Shakespeare said, "me thinks he doth protest too much." People certainly have the right to disagree with the writer's statement, but if someone doesn't resemble the person described in the article, her definition of a "nice guy," what does it matter how she labels that particular type of guy?

Most women do not like those particular attributes, but it should be fairly obvious that someone can still be a nice guy without all or any of those traits, and women do like nice guys who don't have those traits. If that is as obvious as I think it is, then anyone who gets offended by her statement about a very specific, well defined group of people appears to not be comfortable or confident in who they are, whether or not that is the actual reality.


Well said and well done. Who would have thought that I would be agreeing with Jebru on a "nice guy" thread??

And Rocco...you think the author of that article has a "chip on her shoulder?" confused5
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 06, 2010 5:56:10 AM

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OK, Jebru and Damon ... let me just make sure I understood what you are saying.

If people like Rocco and me disagree with what this article - which I would almost describe as hateful, by the way - claims, then that means we are exactly the type of guys that this article is slandering?
We are insecure , spineless, without goals in life, just to name a few of the traits mentioned?
According to you, if we protest, we are part of the attacked?
So that would make you two part of the group of macho assholes who are not nice, respectful or whatever you want to call it and who think that women are just here to be shat upon (cf. my previous post)??

Is that what you are getting at?
Just trying to make sure I understand you correctly here ... and being intentionally provocative to emphasize the point.

DD, I did not misread or misinterpret the article. I read it more than once to be sure I was believing what I was seeing.
I know the article did not explicitly say that women only want to be with abusing assholes. It just in a most insulting manner described how the author feels about guys who are not that type of asshole, whether you like it or not. And yes, it does insinuate that being a nice person is a bad thing, just by the way nice persons are pictured.
And please, don't give me any nonsense about it just being a question of semantics and that we are just talking about an "urban social term." It's not about a term, it's about people.

Respect is an important part of how I live my life, but respectful guys are being totally trashed here. If for example you, DD, don't like guys that treat women with respect, that's your choice and I'm fine with that. In this article, however, guys that are nice, respectful or whatever else you want to call it are labeled as wimps, without brains, backbones or balls.

I take exception to that.

By the way, what was the name of that web site? Oh yeah ... Heartless Bitches International. Maybe Damon is right about one thing: how could somebody who is heartless possibly have a chip on her shoulder?
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 06, 2010 6:21:50 AM

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Jebru wrote:
Responding so vehemently that it seems you are personally offended reminds us of what Shakespeare said, "me thinks he doth protest too much."


Ok, this is a small clarification about that misquote.

Here is the passage from Hamlet, where it occurs.

Quote:
Player Queen:
Both here and hence pursue me lasting strife,
If once I be a widow, ever I be a wife!

Player King:
'Tis deeply sworn. Sweet, leave me here a while,
My spirits grow dull, and fain I would beguile
The tedious day with sleep.

Player Queen:
Sleep rock thy brain,
And never come mischance between us twain!

Hamlet:
Madam, how like you this play?

Queen:
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.


Now please feel free to return to this discussion.

Rembacher
Posted: Wednesday, October 06, 2010 7:14:40 AM

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Posts: 1,107
gypsymoth wrote:

Queen:
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.



My bad. I could say I was paraphrasing to fit this situation, but that wasn't the case. For some reason I remembered it as "he" not "she."
thepainter
Posted: Wednesday, October 06, 2010 10:21:05 AM

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happy1

Insert typical super smart ass comment courtesy of thepainter here.
myself
Posted: Wednesday, October 06, 2010 11:34:38 AM

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MMonroe wrote:
Edit: i also agree that the term 'nice guy' is a bit confusing so maybe it needs to be changed to something else


lol- sorry : )

edit- after reading the post thus far I must say you're all really funny

Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 06, 2010 7:40:08 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 693,587
Well said, Bassman. Right on!


Let me see if I follow some of this crazy logic.

If I disagree about a topic, then that topic is all about me?

So if I say that drunk drivers should be taken off the streets, I am, by talking vehemently about said topic, a drunk?

That kind of logic doesn't make sense, and it doesn't work in any of the Think Tank threads, either. Fail!



I find it interesting that some members cater (obsess) to a woman's opinion in here (to get their attention and interest) to the extent that they completely fulfill the traits the article mentions! It looks like the glove fits you!

Quote:
They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.


So keep talking and agreeing with the women on this site to gain favor and attention, even with a "heartless bitch", for your actions reveal far more than your words. Keep trying hard to get their approval (and proving my point), even if you are a self-confessed "obsessive type" or not.

So yes, the article was a boatload of crap. All you "heartless bitches" should dig that I don't need your approval.

sassycheergirl
Posted: Wednesday, October 06, 2010 8:16:20 PM

Rank: Lollipop Girl

Joined: 11/7/2009
Posts: 1,508
Location: a corn field , United States
Ok I am agreeing with Rocco and Bass... The whole article I believe is worthless...If I had a guy come up and say to me your sweet and pretty can I take some time and get to know you and then another guy came to me and say Hey your fuckable lets go fuck...Who do you think I would want to choose? The "Nice Guy" who shows more class...But that's my opinion take it or leave it...


*smiles, hugs, and lollipops*



Sassy
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