Apologies for the title but the blunt question sums up my dilemma. Married, love my wife but horny as hell with perhaps a higher sex drive than my wife. I realise this may be more my problem than hers but tell me, where's the harm in some casual fun and what is you ladies attitude to flings with married men?
If I was to have some fun am I a b*stard or just having some harmless fun? Would you consider a fling with a married man? Am I an idiot for asking?
Don't hold back, I can take it!
I am a married woman and I sometimes go out for casual sex but my husband knows about it and I tell him everything that happens. So if the married man has that same open and honest relationship with his wife then I see nothing wrong with it. Key is being completely honest with your partner and he or she approves of it too.
Wrong!!! So, so wrong! You're married! How would you feel if you found out your wife was screwing someone else for fun??
"I appreciate this whole seduction thing you've got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing." - Vivian Ward (Julia Roberts) in Pretty Women
It's Cheating!! I Don't Cheat. End Of Story!!!
But What You Do Is Your Business, Who Am I To Judge You
Married, love my wife but horny as hell with perhaps a higher sex drive than my wife. I realise this may be more my problem than hers but tell me, where's the harm in some casual fun and what is you ladies attitude to flings with married men? Where's the harm? Some men are dumb. Flings with married men say a whole lot like - lack of respect for oneself.
If I was to have some fun am I a b*stard or just having some harmless fun? Your fun in this regard makes you a b*astard (your choice of word).
Would you consider a fling with a married man? No - I respect myself! He can shell out some dough for an escort.
Am I an idiot for asking? Yes
If she doesnt know about it and you can live with your conscience then do it. Sex gets really boring with the same person all the time. I dont care what anyone says. Im not saying it cant be good with wife/husband but not all the time and certainly not all the time after many years of marraige. So if you crave a bit of excitement then go and get it. we only live once.
You should be working with YOUR WIFE to get her sex drive going again. Go buy some sex toys or lingerie (or both), book her in for some beauty treatments and a brazilian wax, go on a date together - get a babysitter (if you need to), whisper sexy secrets in her ear in public, get her to go out knickerless, Clean the house, get her tipsy, blindfold and handcuff her . Generally make her feel good and her drive will return.
I agree with Nikki, Cheating is not on! If it comes to that may aswell go see a lawyer and start divorce proceedings.
Cheating! I struggled with this after an online friendship/relationship with a married man. Always telling ourselves we were helping one another fill the voids of what was missing at home. It was excuse after excuse just to make ourselves feel better. I don't claim to be innocent by any means, but my husband knows I'm here and if I found myself in a situation like I was caught up in before then I'd know there are more struggles at home and it's time to reinvest my time and energy there or leave my marriage all together.
Someone also needs to say that she may need to see a doctor. Hormones out of whack? Some other condition that causes low sex drive? What about any meds she may be on. Sometimes medications interfere with libido. Same with mental issues. Age. There could be a lot of reasons. If you're vested in this marriage then you might want to try fixing it first.
I know I'm not one of the gals, but I feel the need to share some of my story here.
Mrs P has, er... had a low sex drive. Kids and a full time job sapped much of her energy, leaving me to my own devices while our kids were younger. Well, that's what she told me anyway, and I'm sure there was some truth to that. But after the kids had left, her sex drive was still non existent for the most part. It was at that point I began to reevaluate our sex life and found that even though I was taking care of her needs on the bedroom, I wasn't doing so in other aspects of her life.
I've gone through and fixed those areas, and I am doing a lot of reading lately on female orgasms and different ways to make love to a woman. Kama Sutra, tantric sex, blindfolded play, different techniques and differemt ways to touch her, some pillows specifically designed for different angles of penetration... all these things combined with my determination to make it all about her have transformed my wife into a sex-crazed maniac. I found her switch, and she can't get enough of me.
Im not saying this will work for everyone, but it sure did for her. Work at it a little my friend before you give up... you never know where it will end up.
If you want to do it, talk to your wife about it first. Theres obviously more issues here than just youre horny and she's not and they need to be solved first. She might turn around and say ok then, off you go and shag loads of women, in which case fine.
But to go off behind her back and go against her love, her trust and your marriage vows, is, i think, disgusting and the lazy, cowardly way out. At least have the balls to talk to her about it first.
Okay, so several people have already suggested that perhaps you need to make more effort or assumed you're not considering her needs or feelings, but I've been in a similar position where I want more than my partner is inclined to give. I know what it's like to be the one who tries and still gets shot down. After a while, you stop trying, because what's the point?
I'm not condoning cheating though. Believe it or not, talking sometimes works. Not always instantly, but it's always a good start.
Have you actually approached your wife and simply explained how you're feeling, asked her views and listened?
You say the fact that she is not satisfying your needs is your problem not hers but I think if the situation were reversed, a man would be expected to satisfy his wife's needs and might feel inferior or even be stigmatised if he couldn't/didn't want to.
Women aren't a completely different species and shouldn't have a different set of rules in my opinion. If she loves you as much as you love her, one would hope she would care about the fact you have needs and try to satisfy them.
Even if she has made you feel like you cannot bring this sort of subject up to talk about it, you owe her the chance to understand the situation and do something about it before you go seeking your kicks elsewhere.
Talk to her. Good luck.
Does this married man's wife know about his playing and does she have the same right and privilege?
If you can say YES to both I see nothing wrong with some fun and games. However I am willing to bet that you can't
"If I was to have some fun am I a b*stard ...?"
What an incredibly selfish question. How do you know her sex drive is lower? Are you a mind reader? If you are, then you don't need to ask us if it is allright. Just read her mind to see what she thinks of the idea.
Just the mere fact that it is you and not her asking this question tells me that, yes, you are. And I would probably go a little further and say "selfish b*stard", which probably goes a long way toward explaining why she seems to have a "lower sex drive". My guess is her sex drive isn't what's wrong; it's how you treat her. Has it occurred to you her drive might be increased if maybe she felt like you loved her?
And just saying you love her is NOT what I'm talking about. Show her, not with gifts, or flowers, or candy, but with simple things, like washing the effing dishes, or picking up after yourself. And don't expect that to work miracles; it probably took her a while to get tired of having sex with someone who did not seem to love her, so it will take twice as long to make her see that you were just being blind and selfish and stupid.
And if you already DO all of those things, then it is time to get professional help. And by "professional help, I mean a marriage counselor, not a prostitute. So put your little schmeckie back in your pants, and go act like a real man, instead if a whiney little boy who is not getting his way.
"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
I saw a question asked. and I read a lot of judgments...at least you struck a nerve. Here's some advice from 34 years of being married to the same woman.
You asked the question with your mind alrady made up. You are looking for justification, and you won't find it here, 'cause we're all different. Only you and your wife know all the circumstances of your situation, y'all are the only ones who know how much water is under the bridge and how you've dealt with it. After you've reviewed your information, make your decision and then live with it. If it makes you a bastard, who cares? You are a male, and by some people's definition, that makes you wrong...period. The only person you HAVE to live with is yourself!
You may confuse love and lust.
I'm old enough to know better.
Love is the same thing as lust, only longer.
If someone tells you that love is monogamous,
they don't love you, they want to own you.
I guess I shouldn't post after I have been having a bad day at work. LOL
On the other hand, over and over, I have seen people on here seemingly asking for verification or justification fr their own selfish behaviors.
I will admit it; I am certainly no pargon of virtue. In my first marriage, rather than seek help, I cheated. BIG MISTAKE. Never made that one again, either, and never will.
In my second mariage, rather than communicate, I bottled it all up. Eventually the resentment built to anger, but still I bottled it up. Eventually that marriage failed, too. Second lesson learned. TALK.
My third marriag failed because I felt so guilty abotu the time I spent away from our marriage pursuing music. Third lesson learned. Respect - and it has to go both ways, you have to respect your partner, but you also have to respect yourself..
So, though perhaps a little harsh, my statements and comments were based on harsh experience.
"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
I don't have sex/naughty fun with married men, or men in serious relationships or men that are taken, in any regard. Major no-no. I prefer my sexual pursuits without a steaming side of guilt. I had a 8-month relationship with a man in his late thirties when I was 19-20. A lot of people judged me, because they assumed he was married or had children. He wasn't. He didn't.
Fortunately, I have never cheated with anyone, or on any ex-lovers.
Sir: if you are having naughty fun outside of your marriage and your wife does not know about it, it is cheating.
The harm is that by fucking other women, YOU ARE BEING UNFAITHFUL TO YOUR WIFE. The one that lives in your house? The one that wears your wedding ring and has your last name?
The harm in such behaviors is that you could emotionally devastate your wife. I want you to consider how she would feel if she found out you were fucking other women. Would she be: sad? angry? depressed? ambivalent? feel betrayed? apathetic? If you think she would be devastated, angry, etc., then commence at your own risk, or not at all. The United States has divorce court for a reason; the price for your actions could be your marriage, or your future happiness within the marriage. If you genuinely think that she would be apathetic, and not care at all, I would advise you to talk to her about having an open marriage. With her consent and her consent only could you commence in fucking other women (somewhat) guilt-free.
I agree with other responses in the forum, in that you are a "bastard", because any "fun" you may have isn't necessarily "harmless". Don't justify any potential behavior if it doesn't deserve justification. If you want us horny Lushites to tell you it's okay to cheat, I won't agree. We may be horny, but that doesn't mean that we don't have a conscience or a moral compass.
I am no marriage guru, but it sounds like you need to communicate more with your wife, and tell her you are feeling desperate/sexually deprived. Have you talked to her about this, given her a goddamned chance to remedy the situation? Open marriages aren't for everyone, but--if you were considering cheating anyway--don't knock it.
Just my thoughts. I didn't mean to be harsh.
- Meg
If a person cheats then they need an appendage cut off or sewn up. How dare someone take the chance of getting a STD, possible a fatal one and give it to your spouse, even if you wear a condem one is not 100 percent safe. If a person needs to cheat then one needs to take a long hard look at oneself, your partner, and family. Is a piece of ass that important? If it is then get a divorce but remember if the marriage or relationship isn't great then what are you not giving to the relationship. Remember communication is a must and if you can't trust then the marriage will bust!! I know I'm going to make people mad with this statement, but I was cheated on. I had my faults and he is bipolar which added to our problems. He has no remorse and at time denies it. He got an STD and I tested NEGITIVE. I will never trust him again. Cheaters aren't worth it!!!!!!
Sex can be just that sex. Some people have a tendency to equate sex with love, but there is a huge difference. I man can be totally in love with a woman and vice versa, and yet long for something sexual that they are either too ashamed to tell their loved one, that they don't want their loved one doing for some reason, or that they have told their loved one but they aren't into it. In such cases, cheating can be something that fulfills that part and maintains a stronger relationship because of it. It's not ideal, but an alternative nonetheless. The biggest downside is that you are then exposing your partner to diseases and risk losing them or their trust.
lol
cheers.
