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Shylass
Posted: Monday, May 21, 2012 4:45:45 PM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,712
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
I'm seriously trying to understand. I've read what I am able to in this part of the forum, just to try and gain some understanding of this lifestyle/culture/preference (sorry, I'm not sure what I'm meant to call it).

What I am wondering about is, where I see on profiles things like, "I can't talk to other people unless my master says I can..." and "I only chat to my mistress because it's the rules..." etc.

Is it simply the nature of this site, that masters and mistresses don't want their subs to communicate with others? Like, they are afraid of them sharing some naughty things with them? So they aren't allowed to use it as a social thing? Is it that they want complete control over who they may and may not speak with because they want to keep them to themselves? Does this spill over into Real Life too? Can people not meet up with others and stuff?

I really don't understand. I love Lush because I can interact with people. Why take away part of the experience? What do you both gain from Lush if it is not to interact with people, or is it purely to interact with each other? Does it make a difference if you have an online relationship as opposed to a real-life-see-each-other relationship?

Thank you for any responses you can give that help me understand.


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
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Guest
Posted: Monday, May 21, 2012 5:46:09 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,402
I've noticed that most (myself included) Don't take away the subs ability to interact with people. They can still chat in the chat rooms and talk to whoever they want. Most Master/Mistresses just don't want there subs playing with others (and I'm guessing about everyone else but me here) because they feel should either be given as a reward on special occasion or kept just between the 2 of them. Why some would take away the entire ability to make friends and have innocent fun is beyond me and not something I would ever do but if the Master/Mistress & sub in question are ok with it then I'm not gonna judge.

To share a personal story I'm a switch and back when i was a sub i had a Mistress who wouldn't even let me online unless she was and i hated it. my friends thought I left them and I was not happy. Needless to say she was not my Mistress for very long
Shylass
Posted: Monday, May 21, 2012 5:59:58 PM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,712
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
Hyourinmaru wrote:
I've noticed that most (myself included) Don't take away the subs ability to interact with people. They can still chat in the chat rooms and talk to whoever they want. Most Master/Mistresses just don't want there subs playing with others (and I'm guessing about everyone else but me here) because they feel should either be given as a reward on special occasion or kept just between the 2 of them. Why some would take away the entire ability to make friends and have innocent fun is beyond me and not something I would ever do but if the Master/Mistress & sub in question are ok with it then I'm not gonna judge.

To share a personal story I'm a switch and back when i was a sub i had a Mistress who wouldn't even let me online unless she was and i hated it. my friends thought I left them and I was not happy. Needless to say she was not my Mistress for very long


Thank you very much for replying. Am I allowed to Big Hugs in here? dontknow

When you say "play", do you mean the cyber sex stuff? Sorry for being thick.


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
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Guest
Posted: Monday, May 21, 2012 6:02:35 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,402
Shylass wrote:


Thank you very much for replying. Am I allowed to Big Hugs in here? dontknow

you can hug me anywhere you want Big Hugs

Quote:

When you say "play", do you mean the cyber sex stuff? Sorry for being thick.

Yes that's what I mean
MoonlightSerenity
Posted: Monday, May 21, 2012 6:54:28 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2012
Posts: 854
Location: United Kingdom
I do follow rules of such. It's mainly so that I don't play with others as it is in my rules my Master has given me not to do so. Of which I'm perfectly fine with. It just gets annoying when people still try to play with me despite me telling them no. And I am allowed to cuddle people if they do need a hug but nothing more.

Teased and Tormented -My very first story and competition entry is now up!
naughtiestmommy
Posted: Monday, May 21, 2012 6:54:35 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/26/2012
Posts: 197
Location: Coastal, United States
Thanks for asking this, Shylass. I was wondering the same thing!

I hope some Doms and Subs respond to this. I'd love to know more about the whole D/S experience, where Lush is concerned.

.
.

I'm a loner, Dottie. A Rebel...
.
.

Shylass
Posted: Monday, May 21, 2012 7:01:02 PM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,712
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
I have quite a few questions, but I'm not brave enough to ask them! Shhh That was the one that I wondering about the most. Thank you for responding, everybody.

Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
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MoonlightSerenity
Posted: Monday, May 21, 2012 8:27:08 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2012
Posts: 854
Location: United Kingdom
Shylass wrote:
I have quite a few questions, but I'm not brave enough to ask them! Shhh That was the one that I wondering about the most. Thank you for responding, everybody.

Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs


Don't be afraid to ask, I'm sure most of us will be more than happy to answer them for you ^^ Big Hugs


Teased and Tormented -My very first story and competition entry is now up!
sprite
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 1:27:15 AM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness
Moderator

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 17,961
Location: My Tower, United States
Shylass wrote:
I have quite a few questions, but I'm not brave enough to ask them! Shhh That was the one that I wondering about the most. Thank you for responding, everybody.

Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs Big Hugs


you can always ask me in PMs, if you'd like. i'm not scary ( i don't think ). :)

Live, love, laugh.
nicola
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 1:50:02 AM

Rank: Matriarch
Moderator

Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 26,783
Location: United Kingdom
It's quite simple Shylass.

You're allowed to speak with both Pugh's, but not Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble or Grub.

If Captain Flack asks you to do something, do it, without question, he is a Captain after all.

Chippy Minton often has wood, and you must do as he commands. Nibbs is off limits, he's still underage.

Mrs. Cobbit has lesbian tendencies, and you may be required to deflower her at some stage. Miss Lovelace, who has a hat fetish, is actually her Mistress.

Mr. Platt is a gimp, you can do whatever you like with him.

I hope that helps.
sprite
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 1:58:59 AM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness
Moderator

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 17,961
Location: My Tower, United States
nicola wrote:
It's quite simple Shylass.

You're allowed to speak with both Pugh's, but not Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble or Grub.

If Captain Flack asks you to do something, do it, without question, he is a Captain after all.

Chippy Minton often has wood, and you must do as he commands. Nibbs is off limits, he's still underage.

Mrs. Cobbit has lesbian tendencies, and you may be required to deflower her at some stage. Miss Lovelace, who has a hat fetish, is actually her Mistress.

Mr. Platt is a gimp, you can do whatever you like with him.

I hope that helps.


by hat, you mean knickers, right? :D

Live, love, laugh.
Shylass
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 5:06:33 AM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,712
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
*Insert hilariously witty reply here*

Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
nicola
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 5:54:01 AM

Rank: Matriarch
Moderator

Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 26,783
Location: United Kingdom
Not enough shylass, I spent half an hour on that! (one of the Pugh twins liked dressing up, I'll say no more on the subject)...
overmykneenow
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 5:59:47 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 1,298
Location: United Kingdom
Subs and "masters" invariably have deep rooted insecurities: what says "don't leave me"/"don't let me go" more than tying someone up?

For the sub, putting those rules up is as much a declaration of ownership over their "master" as it is a statement of submission. Honestly, replace the word "master" with the word "bitch" on these profiles and they pretty much read exactly the same.



Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Why not read some stories instead

NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber
Shylass
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 10:27:20 AM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,712
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
Nicola, I ventured into the BDSM forum! Surely I should get some kudos for bravery even though my wit fell out somewhere as I passed over the Green to Wiggleton and Cringeworthy?

overmykneenow, I think it is safe to say that the more I read about this subject, the less I understand.


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 12:36:55 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,402
sprite wrote:


you can always ask me in PMs, if you'd like. i'm not scary ( i don't think ). :)

hahaha I asked her first :p
naughtiestmommy
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 12:42:13 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/26/2012
Posts: 197
Location: Coastal, United States
nicola wrote:
It's quite simple Shylass.

You're allowed to speak with both Pugh's, but not Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble or Grub.

If Captain Flack asks you to do something, do it, without question, he is a Captain after all.

Chippy Minton often has wood, and you must do as he commands. Nibbs is off limits, he's still underage.

Mrs. Cobbit has lesbian tendencies, and you may be required to deflower her at some stage. Miss Lovelace, who has a hat fetish, is actually her Mistress.

Mr. Platt is a gimp, you can do whatever you like with him.

I hope that helps.


Where do we find this Mr. Platt, anyhow?

.
.

I'm a loner, Dottie. A Rebel...
.
.

Shylass
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 12:43:18 PM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,712
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
Hyourinmaru wrote:

hahaha I asked her first :p


Easy, I'll send you both a PM and see who has the answer that confuddles me least. evil4


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
sprite
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 12:45:42 PM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness
Moderator

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 17,961
Location: My Tower, United States
Shylass wrote:


Easy, I'll send you both a PM and see who has the answer that confuddles me least. evil4


i have a degree in confuddling and misqueingl, you know :)

Live, love, laugh.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 1:47:26 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,402
sprite wrote:


i have a degree in confuddling and misqueingl, you know :)

So I'm her best bet?

Sweet
Catnip
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 3:12:57 AM

Rank: Internet Sensation

Joined: 3/30/2009
Posts: 3,967
Location: Cloudy dreams., Sweden
In my experience it's a matter of helping out the sub to say no.

I can't do this, because my master says so. In many occasions the master has said so since it's something the sub have a hard time saying on their own.
Me for example have always had a very hard time saying no to things and always been able to get talked into doing things I really did not want. With someone to blame for saying no, it's much easier.

The sub might have at one point said to it's master that it dislikes when people want them to speak in whispers instead of the room. So the master makes up a rule that the sub is not allowed to speak in whispers to let her have something to blame.

Then ofcourse there's the aspect of wanting something that is only theirs. Master and sub's own things. That are special to them. Some draw the line at cybering, some draw the line at what body parts are allowed to be shown to others.

I hope this added a few pieces to the puzzle.

MistressS
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 6:14:44 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 5/31/2011
Posts: 65
I think for many, it is simply that the Dom/mes would not want their subs cybering with other people, or that they may not want their sub giving out certain information about themselves. This is often because the Dom/me doesn't want this information given out for a certain reason, but (as catnip has said) it can also be because the sub also doesn't want to give it out, or to do certain things, but due to their submissive nature they can be persuaded (or more likely bullied) into it.

Knowing that it is a rule that they can not do these things helps them, as they can then give a reason as to why they can't do certain things, and that helps them stick to it.

If you have anymore questions feel free to message me or to post them in my BDSM 101 thread
Shylass
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 10:41:48 AM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,712
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
Thank you very much. flower

Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
Fugly
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 3:17:55 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/11/2010
Posts: 1,010
The BDSM lifestyle is all about controlling and being controlled and that is why you have a Dom (The Controller) and a sub (the controllee).

A Dom may lay down certain rules that may include
- who the sub can talk to (it can be for the reason based solely that the sub is theirs and theirs alone as often is the case)
- who the sub can have sex with if the Dom chooses to share her pet (that normally only happens in group sessions)
- when and if, a sub can orgasm
- some Dom's even dictate how the sub is to dress and of course behave
- and many others

A sub may request these themselves before entering the relationship or they just enter the relationship knowing that they must obey the Dom without questions. For example, I had one sub contact me and one of the questions for me was, do I do call-ins. A call-in is where the sub must contact the Dom everyday at a certain time. Why?, because the sub wanted a Dom to completely control every aspect of his life. Confusing for outsiders, very understanding for those that practice bdsm.

* hope this makes sense - just woke up, mumble grumble lol
jerseylynn
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 5:32:29 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/10/2009
Posts: 1,387
Location: around and about Hell, United States
For some in the lifestyle it's the slave giving over all rights to the Master/Mistress. They chose to let the Dominate One have the control. You need to talk to your Dominate One and let them know what your wishes are too. They will take into account and listen then decide. (if they are reasonable) Not A/all are like this. Some relationships are the sub/slave may add and talk to anybody but may not play, and must tell their Dominate One everything or show chat logs. Again every relationship is different.

The Dominate One protects what is theirs and will handle many situations that may arise. If like me, you don't realize till it's too late that that person is interested in you. They will see and hopefully guide you in how to handle situations, to teach you how to handle yourself.

Remember Mods can always be reached either online or copy and paste the chat and send to one of us and we'll handle appropriately.

Here on lush we don't support the Dominate One verbally attacking other members for talking to a sub/slave. You have to be aware of your rules and punishments if you break those rules. Every lifestyle relationship is different. If you don't like what one Dominates rules are then you probably aren't a good match and should find one that is more suitable for you as you will resent the rules given to you if you hate them and won't follow them. That leads to punishments and a very pissy sub/slave.

No one can make you jealous, angry, vengeful, or greedy -unless you let him.
- Napoleon Hill
DLizze
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 8:10:36 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/23/2011
Posts: 2,568
nicola wrote:
It's quite simple Shylass.

You're allowed to speak with both Pugh's, but not Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble or Grub.

If Captain Flack asks you to do something, do it, without question, he is a Captain after all.

Chippy Minton often has wood, and you must do as he commands. Nibbs is off limits, he's still underage.

Mrs. Cobbit has lesbian tendencies, and you may be required to deflower her at some stage. Miss Lovelace, who has a hat fetish, is actually her Mistress.

Mr. Platt is a gimp, you can do whatever you like with him.

I hope that helps.


I was afraid this was gonna be one of those logic things and I was waiting for the question line: Which person owns the zebra?

"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
DLizze
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 8:16:21 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/23/2011
Posts: 2,568
sprite wrote:


i have a degree in confuddling and misqueingl, you know :)


Hey, Miss Royal Spritness, I have a question .... Isn't that kind of cue usually spelled with a 'c' (as opposed to a waiting line, or traffic at a red signal, which we all know is queue)? Of course, when we are marking music in theater jobs, we usually just use 'Q', as in "fade on Q".

"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
ByronLord
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 11:59:25 PM

Rank: Forum Guru
Moderator

Joined: 11/14/2010
Posts: 784
Location: Massachusetts, United States
Catnip wrote:
In my experience it's a matter of helping out the sub to say no.

I can't do this, because my master says so. In many occasions the master has said so since it's something the sub have a hard time saying on their own.
Me for example have always had a very hard time saying no to things and always been able to get talked into doing things I really did not want. With someone to blame for saying no, it's much easier.

I think there are a few fake subs who just skip the master part.

Heck, I have an agent to negotiate contracts for me. She has no decision making over pricing whatsoever but the clients are told she does. She isn't even on a commission as the only thing she does is provide a cut-out for negotiations.

Shylass
Posted: Thursday, May 24, 2012 10:49:13 AM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,712
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
Thank you so much for your responses, everybody. I am still waiting for my braincell to process everything you have said (and I think I will never get a witty-enough reply to Nicola).

Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
1curiouscat
Posted: Thursday, May 24, 2012 11:01:49 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/25/2011
Posts: 1,144
Location: São Paulo , Brazil
Shylass wrote:
(and I think I will never get a witty-enough reply to Nicola).


Sometimes i feel the same way generally... i do enjoy reading them though! icon_smile



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