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Ever used anything you can possibly find laying around to get yourself off?!

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Active Ink Slinger
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I once had a set of cheap eating utensils that had turned wooden handles. One of my ex-roommates was desperate enough to put three spoon handles together, throw a condom over them and use it for a dildo. She said it worked.
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Orgasm Aficionado
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Hairbrush handle when I was younger - very nice fit too!! I experimented with phallic fruit and veg - but then just bought a couple of vibrators.