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Am I already cheating if I am attracted to another woman as well? Options · View
Eurylade
Posted: Thursday, March 21, 2013 3:30:12 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/16/2010
Posts: 48
Location: United Kingdom
I want to talk seriously for a moment please.

I adore my wife and she has given me a beautiful daughter who is my world. Our sex life is quite exciting and we are honest about other people we fancy and include them in our fantasizing during sex. Its quite liberating. We freely admit it and she gets off on me calling her their names. We have the usual arguments like most couples but we always pull through.

I mentioned that there have been women i fancy and fantasize about but recently i met a woman who I am really attracted to. It's not a sexual thing exactly since with her I feel its a bit disrespectful and realizing that is what has confused me so much.

Nevertheless I thought it was just a passing thing again until the other day when she learned I might be moving away and we possibly wont see each other again. She came looking for me and wanted to know what was happening and she tried repeatedly to get me alone to talk but we kept getting interrupted by people. Whenever we are together no matter how briefly I feel there is this energy between us but I wonder if its just me and does she only want to be my friend or is she interested as well?

It is exciting but I feel guilty for it because I adore my wife. Should I feel guilty? Have I done anything wrong by wanting to spend time with this girl even though I'm not doing anything and wont?
hotgirluk26
Posted: Thursday, March 21, 2013 3:57:06 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/15/2013
Posts: 125
Location: Greater Manchester, United Kingdom
I get the feeling you already know the answer to this, and let's face it, you are the only one who can judge. I would never pass judgement on anybody for anything they think.
janet_haney
Posted: Thursday, March 21, 2013 6:03:41 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 252
Location: United States
I'm with Hotgirluk26. You are the only one who can judge because only you know what was in your mind and heart.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, March 21, 2013 6:45:42 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,296
Like the posts before mine stated, only you know what is in your heart. And I agree. With the name games you talk about playing with in bed...I would initially say no, you're not cheating. But if you are all wound up about never seeing each other again, with a sense of panic and despair, I would question whats going on. Would you be as open with your lady about the panic and despair you feel for the other woman? As open as you are when calling her another woman's name while doing her? No? Then I think you know the answer. We can't be held liable for our thoughts. There are beautiful all around and I'll flat out admit...yeah, I was checking him out...he's hot! (if my guy caught me looking). But if there's more going on with the strings of your heart...an infatuation that you would not be willing to admit to your lady...then be aware. A rule I was told about once upon a time...if you're hiding the truth to avoid a result, then you're treading in dangerous water.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, March 21, 2013 10:38:10 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,296
Like the others have said only you know what is in yourmind and heart.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, March 21, 2013 11:48:09 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,296
Eurylade wrote:
It is exciting but I feel guilty for it because I adore my wife. Should I feel guilty? Have I done anything wrong by wanting to spend time with this girl even though I'm not doing anything and wont?



Of course you haven't cheated on your wife by thinking about this woman. I don't think there's anything wrong with being attracted to someone other than your SO and I think it happens to everybody at some time or other. Whether you act upon those feelings and thoughts is another matter entirely though.
narresh
Posted: Thursday, March 21, 2013 11:50:59 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/17/2013
Posts: 21
Location: in ur dreams, India
the same thing happened to me dude.the other girl and me,both of us know,there is a chemistry,working out between us.we enjoy it,actually we wont flirt or do something sexually.we know about it all the time,even our eyes say that.i dont feel guilty,moreover i enjoy the chemistry...ha,and me and my wife are still deeply in love.so keep it there,master the art.best of luck bro..nothing wrong,if you are capable
Andee
Posted: Friday, March 22, 2013 4:33:17 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/7/2013
Posts: 123
Location: Mostly the couch, Canada
Attraction to others is healthy and normal, but only you can determine whether or not acting on that attraction is the right thing.

"If you knew what you were doing you would probably be bored."

cougarcub58
Posted: Friday, March 22, 2013 5:53:44 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 8/10/2012
Posts: 45
why don't you talk to your partner of your feelings...being honest and open and transparent, the only way to go
Elling50
Posted: Friday, March 22, 2013 3:37:33 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/7/2013
Posts: 235
Location: Norway
Most people get these kind of attractions during a life. This is normal and not cheating per se. Crossing the line to cheating depends on how you act upon your attraction and the limits and communications you have with your SO.
Nikki703
Posted: Friday, March 22, 2013 3:44:39 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 14,325
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
If being attracted to or thinking about another person is cheating, then i have cheated just about everyday of my adult life!!

Of Course it isnt cheating!!

Guest
Posted: Friday, March 22, 2013 3:56:15 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,296
I don't believe it is cheating because you only have an "Attraction" not "Love or Feelings" for that person.
cougarcub58
Posted: Sunday, March 24, 2013 3:30:49 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 8/10/2012
Posts: 45
CandyCherry72 wrote:
I don't believe it is cheating because you only have an "Attraction" not "Love or Feelings" for that person.


great answer
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