Fellow-Lesbians and Bi-women... Need help!

Lurker

0 likes 16 Aug 2013

I'm a lipstick lesbian and have been in relationships twice before. Both my earlier ex-gfs were feminine looking like me. Since last few weeks i'm dating a bi-curious girl i met at a bar. She's feminine in appearence like me too, but she's kind of unemotional, unlike me or my exes. Things have started getting serious though, as she has been spending more and more time with me. However, i'm comfortable with the speed our relationship is progressing. Meanwhile an interesting development has occurred. One of my work-colleagues' ex-girlfriends' whom i didn't know was even bi-curious, has confessed to me that she has a crush on me. I feel attracted towards her, she being kinda emotional like my earlier ex-gfs. (I found out these facts after talking with her a few times.) However, she's not feminine looking. If i decide to date her, i would have to stop dating my current girl-friend. As i never cheat and would never like to cheat on my current lover, in any way. However, on the other hand, i would like to try dating the other girl (non-feminine looking). On other hand, its also true that both my earlier relationships were partner-neutral i.e. none of us behaved as if to be "in charge" of the relationship or usually made decisions at any point w.r.t. anything. I have always loved to be in such relationships where no one "puts on the pants" or simulates a "man". But also, its true that i've always been sort of repulsed and/ or scared of such women. I'm confused as to whom should i choose? I do love to go on an adventure once in a while. I would also like to ask you, if you've ever been in a relationship where either you or your gf was "in charge" usually. And i'm not talking about our fantasies and stuff we experiment in bed, but in the life except that. One of my friends' is a bisexual, but she's also shy like me, unable to share the details of her relationship(s) with me. Or to advise me something, based on all she knows about my life sad

Dani

Big-haired Bitch

0 likes 16 Aug 2013

Just remember: The grass isn't always greener.

But the mere fact that you're even considering this has already driven a wedge between you and the current girlfriend, whether you notice it or not. Temptation is a tricky thing. This 'less-feminine' woman who isn't your girlfriend probably holds the lure of the unknown. Being aware that she has a crush on you has probably thrown your mind/senses into overdrive. And combine that with her being more willing to show emotions, which is what's lacking in your current relationship. You're kind of chasing after what's missing in your relationship. If no one had ever told you that this chick had a crush on you, would you even like her?

I'm not even completely sure the other chick's lack of femininity is as big of a factor to you as it seems. You may also be attracted to her emotional availability and the fact that you know she wants you. I know what it's like to be in a relationship where you feel like there can't be a mutual sharing of feelings. Does she express her feelings in another way, perhaps...and you just haven't picked up on it? And have you talked things over with your current girlfriend as far as her lack of emotions go? Some people just aren't wired to be emotional on the outside. It can be frustrating, but it doesn't necessarily mean they aren't there. If your girlfriend were more 'emotional' as you put it, would you still consider moving on to this other woman who isn't typically what you go for?

In the long run, you should do what makes you happy. But be careful. You should at the very least talk to the current girlfriend first about her emotional state and see if it's something that can be worked on. But on the other hand, if this new girl is an adventure you'd like to explore, you should go for it. But be up front with the current girlfriend. And don't blame her for it. What I mean by that is don't tell her, "I'm breaking up with you and hooking up with this other girl because you don't emote well and it sucks." Be honest with her and yourself and simply tell her it's been great, but you've decided to go a different route. But don't use her lack of emotions to justify going to this other girl. That's just in very poor taste. On the other hand, don't stick around because it's the safe thing to do, because you'll regret it, and you'll end up resenting her, and that's not good either.

░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 17 Aug 2013

I would like to add that my current girlfriend is very unemotional, and not only with me, but with her family and friends as well. I have tried talking to her about it, but she has said that she doesn't like to talk about it.
If she would have been emotional, as far as i know, i don't even think i would have given this other girl a thought. The probability of that is less.
As far as working on my current girlfriend's emotional state is concerned, i have two options. Wait for her and/ or expect her to be more expressive in forthcoming days OR Accept and/or ignore the fact that she's this way. She has once said that she was taught to be this way, by her Mother, who's also like her.
I would break the news to her if we decide to split up, in a merciful way. I never break anyone's heart intentionally.
Maybe the best option right now is not to think about both of them and go away to a silent beach on the weekend.
Thanks for the support smile

Ashley