We upset and hurt each other, even though we don't mean to. We've talked about it a few times, but yet the cycle recurs.
Have you ever been in a situation where you both like each other but seemingly dont know how to be friends? Any ideas on how to improve this?
Your thoughts/suggestions would be much appreciated. Thank you.
You are referring to male-female friendship? Those things don't exist.
Unless you are fucking each other
Are you having sex with this guy? (other than phone sex). If not, then its my guess that he likes you but resents the fact that you won't have sex with him. Maybe you just want to be friends and resent the fact that he wants sex?
I am friends with a lady that I've known for 30 years. We have never done anything more than kiss. I have always had some resentment about this, sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously. But I value the friendship enough that I keep my resentment in check.
We dictate the terms of each of our relationships, whether we realize it or not. It could be that the two of you just don't agree on what type of relationship you want.
Maybe you can try to take a break and maybe not talk for a couple of days until things blow over. Then you guys can ease back into talking to each other by talking about lighter subjects before going into deeper topics.
It could also be that your friend is kind of stressed. When that happens to me, I have a shorter temper and tend to take it out on people accidentally. That could be what is happening.
Sorry if this doesn't help.
i've never understood why some ppl believe that men and women can't be 'just' friends. there's no rule that says you have to fuck every one you're attracted to. anyhoo, this sounds like a toxic relationship to me. if you're constantly hurting each other -despite talking about it, it may be time to end this relationship.
"Thank you" to everyone who posted.
I am aware the brevity of my initial post meant that it would be difficult to comment. Part of the reason is that we met on lush, and he is still a member here; another reason is that we are both private individuals. Each of your post describes an element of our friendship, and we've done most, if not all, of the suggestions, and usually, it leads to a few good weeks, seemingly improving before some silly incident (and sometimes, there's no actual incident too - at least, from what I can tell!!) causes the break-down again.
The purpose of starting this topic was to see if there was a way to improve a friendship, if not this one, then future ones.
Once again, Thank you for your time to provide your opinions.
Male-female friendship can and does exist in many instances without sex. That goes to depth of character and depth of intelligence. There is no good reason that a man and woman cannot be friends.
If you are a person that thinks or acts in a way that sex has to be interjected into that friendship relationship that is a rather shallow mental condition that is your own making.
I have many female friends and sex is not part of that, nor do I want it to be.
One can be friends and interject sex, as in friends-with-benefits. In those cases I think the relationship can easily change unless you are very guarded to keep that from happening.
But a lover relationship can also be a friend relationship. For instance, I am in love with my wife, in lust with my wife and she is my best friend.
I have a dear friend of the opposite sex. She is young and attractive, extremely intelligent (engineer) we worked together for several years then went our separate ways for career reasons. I call her and she calls me at least every other week just to see how each other is doing. She asks me for advise romantic, professional and personal. We have had many long talks.
There is also a sexual tension between the two of us but I am married so that was a deal breaker for us both. So we stayed friends.
We also had some pretty good fights at the plant (always professional differences). To the point of cussing each other out. Quickly made up each time and went on as though nothing had happend. Why does it work for us?
We both truly care for each other and realize that a momentary loss of temper is not a reflection of either our true feelings or an indication of a breakdown of relationship. It is most often just one or the other letting off steam. A true friend will allow for that. Forgive and embrace the other for all they bring to the relationship everyday. If you are secure in your own skin you can offer that to another person regardless of their gender. I will say however it is much tougher when dealing with someone who is of the gender you happen to be attracted too.
(Stepping off the soapbox)
Good luck and I hope you find peace however it works out.
M
So much hate :C
To ya'll sayin that those kind of friendships exist, can you go for a beer/coffee with your opposite gender friend?
Can you do random shit with that friend?
And if they are in relationship how does their partner feel about that?
I didn't mean friend as someone who you see occasionally, go to clubs together and shit.
Interesting...
Most of my closest friends are women. The three people who I'd consider my BEST friends are guys, (two straight, one gay.) I TEND to relate to women better than to men. Flamboyantly eccentric in a lot of ways, I'm frequently not as relaxed around (straight) men, who often assume I'm gay. (Gay men never assume this, of course.)
I would be a LIAR if I said that there wasn't a sexual element to my relationship with my female close friends. (To be clear, I don't believe that element exists with my MALE close friends, on either side, be they gay or straight.)
I think it must be practically IMPOSSIBLE to divorce a sexual ELEMENT from male/female close relationships/friendships. One simply doesn't act upon it, for reasons of circumstance, practicality or indeed (that kind of) compatibility.
Some (TWO!) of my closest female buddies here are EXCLUSIVELY lesbian and yet we often CASUALLY flirt... I'm not REMOTELY interested in either of them SEXUALLY, nor they me, yet we JOKE AROUND about it... Conversely, I have straight women friends here who do EXACTLY the same thing. (With OTHER women I've met here there has, both in cyber and real-life been a more physical connection.) All remain friends to this day, although that element has become passe.
As a MAN, I can walk down a city street and YES one considers female passers-by from a sexual perspective. But it's a FLEETING thought. It doesn't mean anything, indeed, I think that's perfectly natural. (I don't KNOW if women do this but I'd be most surprised if they did not...)
What I have found is that it is EXTREMELY difficult to maintain a FRIEND connection with a woman after a SEXUAL connection has been established/acted upon and then terminated. (Not IMPOSSIBLE, just difficult...) There will always be regrets on one side or the other.
For MANY years now I have been QUITE IN LOVE with a married girlfriend of my acquaintance who regularly takes lovers. (None of them me!!!) It causes problems with us upon occasion. We date, do dinners and shows/concerts, sometimes just us, sometimes with other friends. We both understand that to sleep with each other might possibly (probably) damage the close relationship we have however, so we don't. SHE I think could handle it. (I, frankly, probably could not...) That said, our mutual SEXUAL attraction is PART of our friendship. (But not all of it.) To clarify, she has often been LESS THAN FRIENDLY to other girls she knows I'm sleeping with. I am NEVER IMPRESSED when she flirts with other men when in my company. (It's COMPLICATED!) But, honestly, as friends we adore each other.
I think that in ANY KIND OF CLOSE FRIENDSHIP, it is HONESTY, UNDERSTANDING AND TRUST that most matters. (If you're friends with me FORGIVENESS is necessary!) As in ALL HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS there will be trouble, acrimony, misunderstandings, FIGHTS and thoughtlessness... A TRUE FRIENDSHIP will (eventually) rise above these things.
An often DEEPLY TROUBLED SOUL, I sometimes CONSIDER the people who I KNOW consider me a true friend. And I think, "Well, I can't be THAT FUCKING BAD!!!" (I have NO IDEA if anyone ever thinks of ME like that!!!)
xx SF
Being in the 'book' business, I come across people everyday. Many acquaintances that frequent it also. I do not pick my friends or they me, it just comes together, as if pieces of a puzzle. My closet of friends or "The A Team." they are the inner circle. We are like 'brush and paste' as one. I trust them with all truths and faults. The "B Team" assembled as I progressed in my 'assuming' years. I just assumed that they wanted to know me better. I don't do "assume" with a kind heart.
What if your partner don't want you hanging out with them at all? What do you do? Break up? And you love him.
You certainly don't go and talk with your friends because you look stupid and your partner looks like some controlling [Edited by moderators: hateful terms aren't tolerated here. Please watch your language.]. So you just slowly push them away.
And yes It's pretty small town, like 300k residents
But It's not like I cant have that I simply don't want to waste my time.
What if I fall in love with her? You know that shit can happen just by spending time with her, you found out that she is fucking amazing person and you fall in love, then you are screwed.
I do have few girl friends but it's mostly about hooking up. And when either one of us gets in a relationship, it's over. And we know it.
eh I got bored, you and I have different perspective on reality and that's fine.
We could go on for days like this really, but I don't want to waste my time on this and tbh it's kinda annoying.
oh and ps. I could have those friendships it's just I don't want them.
We have different opinion on what friendship means I guess.
But if there is sexual tension, or pretension then it's not friendship. It's just someone you know. If you ever dream/think about having sex with your friend well that's fucked up.
oh and one more thing: I don't let my gfs hang out with their male friends because I know what I want with girls. It's not a trust issue, she wouldn't be my GF if I worry constantly if shes gonna cheat on me.
But shit happens, guys want to get in your panties, girls want something else and guys tend to abuse that.
Im done.
It would appear as though a spin-off series would be required for this post, huh? Enough of the "random shits", dont you think?
Its safe to say that male-female friendships can and do exist. Is there a sexual element to it? Often times, probably so but it doesnt mean it cant be kept in check. However, that was not the question of this thread.
For those inclined on the original purpose of this thread, yes, we met on lush, but sex was not foremost... in fact, it was a while after the connection was built before it was introduced into our conversations and its actually a good part of our friendship.
A few of you have made comments that are relevant. Trust me when I say we'd covered most, if not all, of that during our talks. So maybe, there is nothing more we can add to it.
Relatives don't count as friends.
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