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Hello everyone, I would appreciate any help I can get

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Gérard
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So I came to you after a close friend recommended this place to me.
I feel conflicted as far as my sexuality goes, I find myself thinking about various things on which I never had the courage to act on.

As strangers give the best advice I would appreciate if anyone at all took the time to chat with me about this. It would mean a lot as I feel frustrated and confused.

Cheers
"If it doesn't leave you breathless, sweaty and ready to fade, it's just not worth doing."
Jack_42
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I feel we all have a degree of bi=sexuality in us otherwise we'd all be unlivable. So all our thoughts and inclinations are in effect natural. There are a lot of social taboos some practical some contrived these factors can intermingle with our ''natural '' feelings. Consequently I think common sense should temper the ridiculous but guilt trips about these things are pretty futile. If what you feel hurts nobody then just go with it whatever the taboo.
Gérard
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Thanks for the reply, it is reassuring to know I am not alone in this.
Well as you can see I am even ashamed to name my thoughts.
I know I am not hurting anyone but still I feel conflicted.
"If it doesn't leave you breathless, sweaty and ready to fade, it's just not worth doing."
Guest
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I define myself as 99% straight...

(I've had SEX with three men in my ADULT life...)

I did it because I WANTED to, I'm not ashamed of it, on ONE of those occasions I believe I shared something with somebody...

I DON'T think I'm bi-sexual.

(I don't masturbate about men...)

But you know what? I don't think too much about it, neither do my friends, (including girlfriends) and NEITHER SHOULD YOU!!!

Love is Love, Passion is Passion, Fun is Fun...

(Don't worry so much!)

xx SF
Guest
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Quote by stephanie


I define myself as 99% straight...

(I've had SEX with three men in my ADULT life...)

I did it because I WANTED to, I'm not ashamed of it, on ONE of those occasions I believe I shared something with somebody...

I DON'T think I'm bi-sexual.

(I don't masturbate about men...)

But you know what? I don't think too much about it, neither do my friends, (including girlfriends) and NEITHER SHOULD YOU!!!

Love is Love, Passion is Passion, Fun is Fun...

(Don't worry so much!)

xx SF

I love ypur words and how you act. smile I'll try to be this way. I always worry toooooo much.
pumpanddump
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I have many, many thoughts and fantasies I'm to afraid to act on in my real life. That's why I like sites like this. I find out I'm not alone!
Shaman
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A wise man once said to thine own self be true .Find whats right for you and not worry what anyone else thinks. Theres only one person you have to live with yourself
Gérard
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First of thank you everyone for your help. It makes me feel a lot better. Secondly I already feel nice and cozy here, you guys are so welcoming.
It is not so much fear or shame I feel it's more confusing than anything.
"If it doesn't leave you breathless, sweaty and ready to fade, it's just not worth doing."
Gérard
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Ok so I might as well be more clear.
I find myself wanting to be involved with men as well as women, in the same role.. I got hit one once or twice and I found the idea greatly appealing.. I didn't act on it though..
"If it doesn't leave you breathless, sweaty and ready to fade, it's just not worth doing."
Guest
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Quote by Gérard
Ok so I might as well be more clear.
I find myself wanting to be involved with men as well as women, in the same role.. I got hit on once or twice and I found the idea greatly appealing.. I didn't act on it though..


It's really VERY SIMPLE...

In THE RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCE you ABSOLUTELY can experiment with physicality in every and any aspect...

(If it's a SIDE of your DESIRE then EXPLORE it...)

Sexuality has VERY fluid aspects. (It FLOWS in various situations and circumstances...)

If you DON'T allow yourself to EXPLORE you LIMIT yourself.

And WHY would you LIMIT yourself?

Once you are SEXUALLY CAREFUL there is no reason not to experiment and explore...

Most people couldn't give a FLYING FUCK about what pleases you particularly in a SEXUAL way... (Do YOU care about what others do???)

Of course you don't!!!

OUR sexuality is NOBODY else's business.

xx SF
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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love is love, sex is sex, attraction is attraction. while i define myself on my profile here as lesbian, truth is, i get turned on by men at times. i even will have sex with them if i feel strongly enough. it's fun, it doesn't mean anything beyond being mutually fun, and i enjoy it. same with women other than my wife. sometimes the mind and body wants what it wants and you shouldn't worry about it or think too much about it, nor worry about being judged. it's all beautiful.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Beffer
Rainbow Warrior
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The sad fact is many men and women grew up in homes with parents who were/are homophobic, and they have tried to ingrain their children with those prejudices and guilt, should they have those inclinations and feel too confused and/or guilt-ridden to express them. Sexuality is always a spectrum, and anyone can find themselves at some point in their lives at any point along that spectrum from straight to gay. I'm almost exactly in the middle. I love sex with both men and women, and I've been that way so long, I can't imagine being any different, because I have been a practicing bi-sexual all my life. If you are just discovering where you lie on that spectrum, and haven't yet actualized those desires/preferences, then just go for it without feeling any guilt that society or your parents would burden you with. You have the right to be anything you want to be.
Guest
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I love the words SF, Sprite and Bethany said. In just one block they gave me and I am sure many others so many answers.

I am so shy, confused and never feel secure about me or my sexuality. Most of the time I even don't think in sex or intimacy. And so, this post has given me much to think. Thanks to all.
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by Gael
I love the words SF, Sprite and Bethany said. In just one block they gave me and I am sure many others so many answers.

I am so shy, confused and never feel secure about me or my sexuality. Most of the time I even don't think in sex or intimacy. And so, this post has given me much to think. Thanks to all.


not sure about others, but mine changes from time to time as i gather different experiences, get my mind opened by people i meet, or mature. i've been straight, les, and sometimes it's a slow change that takes years, and other times it cycles through all three during a very short period of time, not months, or weeks, or even days - hours. i think that limiting myself to one 'catagory' is doing myself a dis-service - and sometimes, yes, i'm confused as well, by my sudden attraction to someone i shouldn't be, unless i change my current label, and then, it makes sense, suddenly. i may not be secure in my sexuality, but i am secure in the fact that i am comfortable with it. i hope that, over time, you find that acceptance of who you are helps you find yourself, and that's the wonder of this place - you are accepted, no matter how you label yourself or how often that evolves.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Gérard
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It does indeed help a lot, I am trying to figure out how my libido works.
I guess I will be more comfortable when I do, until then I will just have to test and see.
I think attraction and desire is universal, at least that is how it feels.



Quote by sprite


not sure about others, but mine changes from time to time as i gather different experiences, get my mind opened by people i meet, or mature. i've been straight, les, and sometimes it's a slow change that takes years, and other times it cycles through all three during a very short period of time, not months, or weeks, or even days - hours. i think that limiting myself to one 'catagory' is doing myself a dis-service - and sometimes, yes, i'm confused as well, by my sudden attraction to someone i shouldn't be, unless i change my current label, and then, it makes sense, suddenly. i may not be secure in my sexuality, but i am secure in the fact that i am comfortable with it. i hope that, over time, you find that acceptance of who you are helps you find yourself, and that's the wonder of this place - you are accepted, no matter how you label yourself or how often that evolves.

"If it doesn't leave you breathless, sweaty and ready to fade, it's just not worth doing."
Gérard
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I would like to thank everyone for their kind words of advice, it helps more than you know.

I find myself attracted to the idea that sexuality shouldn't be limited by gender, I can see myself enjoying contact with both genders.
In my head my role doesn't change from one situation to another and I feel open to new things although I cannot see my self being passive in any of the two situations.
I have no idea how common such a thing is or what it indicates for my own sexuality.
If anyone has feedback I would love to hear it.
"If it doesn't leave you breathless, sweaty and ready to fade, it's just not worth doing."
Guest
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Quote by sprite


not sure about others, but mine changes from time to time as i gather different experiences, get my mind opened by people i meet, or mature. i've been straight, les, and sometimes it's a slow change that takes years, and other times it cycles through all three during a very short period of time, not months, or weeks, or even days - hours. i think that limiting myself to one 'catagory' is doing myself a dis-service - and sometimes, yes, i'm confused as well, by my sudden attraction to someone i shouldn't be, unless i change my current label, and then, it makes sense, suddenly. i may not be secure in my sexuality, but i am secure in the fact that i am comfortable with it. i hope that, over time, you find that acceptance of who you are helps you find yourself, and that's the wonder of this place - you are accepted, no matter how you label yourself or how often that evolves.



Thanks Sprite! Thanks for this amazing words. When I was the first time on Lush, was for a girl and I was even more shy than today. She ignored me and because my lack of sex experience, left the site. Now, also no experience but as you mention, trying to find acceptance of who I am. I really appreciate the time you gave to write back.

Hugs!
Guest
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(Just for fun I'll tell you this...)

My first ever STAFF Writing job was on an LGBT Community Newspaper. Consequently, I have a lot of Queer friends even today. (In those days I would NEVER have imagined myself playing about with another guy...)

But of course EVENTUALLY I did.

WHEN I DID, my Gay Male friends thought this WAS THE MOST HYSTERICAL THING EVER!!! (Not in a CRUEL way, more in a WTF way!!!)

However... For QUITE A WHILE, at parties and stuff, (Gay Parties, they'd never have put me on the spot in front of a mixed audience!!!) they would ask me to TELL THE STORY of my first Gay experience... And I'd tell the story QUITE HONESTLY...

And they would ROLL ABOUT THE FLOOR LAUGHING... (The GAY bastards!!!)

I've worked all my life in Media and Music and the Arts. The Gay Thing (?) was never unusual to me, I have straight, gay and indeed Bi men and women friends. Among my circle, sexuality while EVIDENT, isn't really an ISSUE. (By that I mean some of my mates are MOST EXCLUSIVELY gay (or straight). And some aren't.) And it doesn't matter a jot.

(Except when you FANCY a Bi-Girl that your Lesbian friend is interested in... Now THAT can be tricky!!!)

But that's another story!

xx SF
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by Gael

She ignored me and because my lack of sex experience,


that's really small minded of her - imo, you're better off without her, if she's like that. we were all, or are, inexperienced at some point in our life.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by stephanie


(Just for fun I'll tell you this...)

My first ever STAFF Writing job was on an LGBT Community Newspaper. Consequently, I have a lot of Queer friends even today. (In those days I would NEVER have imagined myself playing about with another guy...)

But of course EVENTUALLY I did.

WHEN I DID, my Gay Male friends thought this WAS THE MOST HYSTERICAL THING EVER!!! (Not in a CRUEL way, more in a WTF way!!!)

However... For QUITE A WHILE, at parties and stuff, (Gay Parties, they'd never have put me on the spot in front of a mixed audience!!!) they would ask me to TELL THE STORY of my first Gay experience... And I'd tell the story QUITE HONESTLY...

And they would ROLL ABOUT THE FLOOR LAUGHING... (The GAY bastards!!!)

I've worked all my life in Media and Music and the Arts. The Gay Thing (?) was never unusual to me, I have straight, gay and indeed Bi men and women friends. Among my circle, sexuality while EVIDENT, isn't really an ISSUE. (By that I mean some of my mates are MOST EXCLUSIVELY gay (or straight). And some aren't.) And it doesn't matter a jot.

(Except when you FANCY a Bi-Girl that your Lesbian friend is interested in... Now THAT can be tricky!!!)

But that's another story!

xx SF



so, you're gay, then?

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

dpw
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Quote by Gérard
Ok so I might as well be more clear.
I find myself wanting to be involved with men as well as women, in the same role.. I got hit one once or twice and I found the idea greatly appealing.. I didn't act on it though..

I'm surprised that it was just once or twice that you were hit on by guys.
Sexual attraction isn't fixed, nor are sexual desires. You have the choice of following them or fighting them.
You're overthinking things. Treat it as an experiment, that harms nobody. Try to get passed your own self imposed limits.
Gérard
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Quote by dpw

I'm surprised that it was just once or twice that you were hit on by guys.
Sexual attraction isn't fixed, nor are sexual desires. You have the choice of following them or fighting them.
You're overthinking things. Treat it as an experiment, that harms nobody. Try to get passed your own self imposed limits.


I tend to overthink stuff that is very true.
I want to go with it I'm just not sure what to do or how.
But truth be told you people gave me better advice than anybody on this.
Thank you all. I will tell you how it goes if you want.
"If it doesn't leave you breathless, sweaty and ready to fade, it's just not worth doing."
dpw
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Quote by Gérard


I tend to overthink stuff that is very true.
I want to go with it I'm just not sure what to do or how.
But truth be told you people gave me better advice than anybody on this.
Thank you all. I will tell you how it goes if you want.

What do you want to do? Is it just a threesome, or you with another guy?
Gérard
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There is a guy that keeps hitting on me in the gym, most times in the showers. He is a cool dude we trained together for a while now. At first I was surprised but it was very appealing to me. You understand that I have never been with a guy before so I am a bit hesitant.
"If it doesn't leave you breathless, sweaty and ready to fade, it's just not worth doing."
Gérard
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Damn these double posts
"If it doesn't leave you breathless, sweaty and ready to fade, it's just not worth doing."
Guest
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Quote by sprite


so, you're gay, then?


Oh a SCREAMING homosexual, Darling...

xx SF
Myamibi
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My name suggest my feelings. I know I have bi tendencies that have not really been acted upon. They will some day soon. I am now open after many years of marriage. I love that I am. After spending all my life being turned on by lesbian porn ( finding my brother's mags as a teenager), I now find I am turned on by people enjoying sex in what ever way they see fit (within reason of course). My biggest surprise was when i first chose to watch two men together. I came instantly. I loved it. There is so much emphasis on female/female, and Kaboom, here was something new to me.
Enjoy
Gérard
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You people made me feel a ton better, thank you all. And especially the ones that took time to talk to me and advice me.
"If it doesn't leave you breathless, sweaty and ready to fade, it's just not worth doing."
Guest
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Quote by sprite


that's really small minded of her - imo, you're better off without her, if she's like that. we were all, or are, inexperienced at some point in our life.


Thanks Sprite. And yes, you are right. I am glad I move forward and learning here with Lush. Happy new season.
EricRhodes
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Sexuality is a feeling, a need; it does not define you. You should go with your feelings and not be afraid. Be true to yourself.