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Weally Wretched Writing

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The Right Rev of Lush
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That was weally wretched writing.


Have you ever come acorss a bit of writing soooo bad it made you stop to check it out a second time, maybe while laughing? Of course, that never happens while reading Lush stories, but on lesser site.... Anyway, this is a place to share any particularly piece of pprose.

For instance:

These days, writers are always warned against using "eyes" instead of: look, stare, glare, gaze, et. The following is a great example of why that seemingly arbitrary rule is a good one to follow.

Very slowly he inched down his underpants and saw her eyes swoop between his legs.

Kind of a scary image, ain't it?

Rumple Foreskin
RUMPLATIONS: AwesomeHonky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Home of the Lush "IN" crowd: indecent, intoxicated, and insolvent
a place to gossip, share news, talk sports, pimp a story, piss & moan, or just grab a drink. Check it out.

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwords. -- ROBERT HEINLEIN
Constant Gardener
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heheh...is this thread open to story moderators?
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
The Right Rev of Lush
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Quote by WellMadeMale
heheh...is this thread open to story moderators?

Oh, heavens to Betsy, yes.

Rumple Foreskin
RUMPLATIONS: AwesomeHonky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Home of the Lush "IN" crowd: indecent, intoxicated, and insolvent
a place to gossip, share news, talk sports, pimp a story, piss & moan, or just grab a drink. Check it out.

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwords. -- ROBERT HEINLEIN
Lurker
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"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."
The Right Rev of Lush
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Quote by Jillicious
I'm always afraid that I've made some silly mistake like this.
So to all the story moderators: I'm sorry if my writing is in any way offensive.

Sweat it not. Story-checking mods are a tough breed.

Rocco, that line would be a strong entry in the Bulwar-Lytton(sp?) bad writing contest.

Rumple Foreskin
RUMPLATIONS: AwesomeHonky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Home of the Lush "IN" crowd: indecent, intoxicated, and insolvent
a place to gossip, share news, talk sports, pimp a story, piss & moan, or just grab a drink. Check it out.

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwords. -- ROBERT HEINLEIN
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
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Quote by RumpleForeskin
Quote by WellMadeMale
heheh...is this thread open to story moderators?

Oh, heavens to Betsy, yes.

Rumple Foreskin


NO!!! NO!!! He just read one of my stories...I don't need to see the whole thing pieced out on this thread...

You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...
Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories
Lurker
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"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."
Constant Gardener
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When I looked in your languid brown eyes and saw all the love in them you held for me there, I was reminded of feeding time on my grandfather's farm, they way the cows huddled around his old tractor and ogled him with their big, dumb, hungry eyes, gazing at his handfuls of hay.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
The Right Rev of Lush
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Youse guys are just gettin' this ol' country boy all choked up with dem bucolic images.

Rumple Foreskin
RUMPLATIONS: AwesomeHonky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Home of the Lush "IN" crowd: indecent, intoxicated, and insolvent
a place to gossip, share news, talk sports, pimp a story, piss & moan, or just grab a drink. Check it out.

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwords. -- ROBERT HEINLEIN
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
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There is a guy on another site, which will remain nameless...he is not on here, thank God...I am tempted to post all his poems, especially the one he wrote using text-speak ie. "ur so beautiful 2 me"...2b or not 2b...
Anyway...here is just one of his poems I picked...I could go get more, if you like, but this is just a sample...

~ "I like my body when it is with your" ~

I like my body when it is with your body.
It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
I like your body.
I like what it does,
I like its hows.
I like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which I will
again and again and again kiss.
I like kissing this and that of you,
I like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh.
And eyes big love-crumbs,
and possibly I like the thrill
of under me you so quite new

Don't tempt me...I will post them all...if you like....
Later,
Alan.

You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...
Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories
Lurker
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"shocking fuzz"

Is that a cop with a taser?

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."
The Right Rev of Lush
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Oh, the horror, the horror.

You know, this is not a thread for the faint of heart or weak of stomach. [IMG]http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Disgusting/toilet.gif[/IMG]

Rumple Foreskin ;rr:
RUMPLATIONS: AwesomeHonky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Home of the Lush "IN" crowd: indecent, intoxicated, and insolvent
a place to gossip, share news, talk sports, pimp a story, piss & moan, or just grab a drink. Check it out.

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwords. -- ROBERT HEINLEIN
Constant Gardener
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Her breasts were as plump as a pair of head rests like you might find in a BMW M3 and her tummy as taunt as the spark plug wires found inside a Corvette Stingray, the lobes of her ass were as full and sexy as the front fenders of a 1999 Dodge Viper; in short, she had curves in places other women didn't even have places.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Lurker
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Oh ~ hehehe ~ I SO love this thread. I will be checking back to read the additions, because I just KNOW there are lots more. Oh my side hurts from laughing!!!!!! (enough exclamation marks?)

(thinking has anyone fried maggots - and if so, please don't tell me about it! yuck)

Van
The Right Rev of Lush
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Me thinks Van might have missed a dose of two of meds.

Rumple Foreskin
RUMPLATIONS: AwesomeHonky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Home of the Lush "IN" crowd: indecent, intoxicated, and insolvent
a place to gossip, share news, talk sports, pimp a story, piss & moan, or just grab a drink. Check it out.

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwords. -- ROBERT HEINLEIN
Constant Gardener
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Come'on Rump & Alan and Van - and others...

Let's see some weally wretched writing examples flowing from your fingertips. I know you can do it.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
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Hey Rump...don't get me wrong, I love the idea of this thread, but the thought crossed my mind after I copied someone else's poem and posted it...are there any potential copyright issues in this thread???
I want to remind you that if I am sued...I may not be able to pay off my tab at Rumplebations...
Later,
Alan.

You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...
Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories
The Right Rev of Lush
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Lord knows I've been losing enough sleep as it is over your (in)ability to pay your tab. The mind boggles at what things would be like if you were sued. Of course, getting blood from a turnip has little appeal for legal eagles so we're both probably safe.

Just in some innocent bystander takes your worry seriously, the "fair use" provision of the copyright laws would be our "get out of jail free" card.

In an earlier post, I mentioned the Bulwar-Lytton Bad Writing Contest. The web site is LOL funny. Here's the link--check it out. http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2009.htm

Rumple Foreskin
RUMPLATIONS: AwesomeHonky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Home of the Lush "IN" crowd: indecent, intoxicated, and insolvent
a place to gossip, share news, talk sports, pimp a story, piss & moan, or just grab a drink. Check it out.

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwords. -- ROBERT HEINLEIN
Lurker
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"He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it, and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."
Matriarch
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I have banned myself from posting in this thread, other than this message.
Lurker
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Quote by Exakta66
There is a guy on another site, which will remain nameless...he is not on here, thank God...I am tempted to post all his poems, especially the one he wrote using text-speak ie. "ur so beautiful 2 me"...2b or not 2b...
Anyway...here is just one of his poems I picked...I could go get more, if you like, but this is just a sample...

~ "I like my body when it is with your" ~

I like my body when it is with your body.
It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
I like your body.
I like what it does,
I like its hows.
I like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which I will
again and again and again kiss.
I like kissing this and that of you,
I like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh.
And eyes big love-crumbs,
and possibly I like the thrill
of under me you so quite new

Don't tempt me...I will post them all...if you like....
Later,
Alan.


Some of those lines are so bad, they're good.

My favourites:

I like kissing this and that of you,


and... wait for it...

eyes big love-crumbs


An entire story based on the 'this and that of you' could be a timeless classic. Or not.



Oh, and Alan? Don't be tempted to post anymore of this guy's poetry, okay? We get the idea. Thanks.
Lurker
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Quote by roccotool
"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."


why would you fry maggots in hot grease?? (giggling)
Lurker
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why would you fry maggots in hot grease?


Just to watch them hop, of course.

"His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free."
Constant Gardener
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Could it be that, a decade after our last meeting on those courthouse steps that November day, when the State recognized our divorce and granted her half of our purchased possessions of the previous twenty years, she still walked upon the ground I worshipped?
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Rookie Scribe
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Quote by Loislane
Quote by roccotool
"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."


why would you fry maggots in hot grease?? (giggling)


Because it takes forever to fry them in cold grease.
Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
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Hey gypsymoth...I know you really want me to post all of that guys poems here, or better yet...talk him into joining Lush, so you can get to view all of his handywork in all it's glory right on the front page of Lush Stories...
But, I wouldn't do that to anyone here...
I will however, give you one more line...this is copied and pasted from another of his poems...if you don't believe me, send me a PM and I'll tell you the site...
Here goes...

"I know my countenance glows because of you even ur so far away"

Yes, I cannot make these things up...I have to assume he wrote it on his cell phone...
Is that enough 4u2b convinced???
Later,
Alan.

You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...
Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories
Lurker
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Quote by deacon
Quote by Loislane
Quote by roccotool
"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."


why would you fry maggots in hot grease?? (giggling)


Because it takes forever to fry them in cold grease.



Quote by roccotool
why would you fry maggots in hot grease?


Just to watch them hop, of course.

"His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free."


Was this in Martha Stewart's maggots starter section? (grins) SMART ASSES lol
Lurker
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Mm hmm. Alright. Alright, Lois. Bare it!

"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."
Lurker
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Quote by roccotool


"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."




They just get better and better!